Apr. 9, 2008 - The story
Well, now that I find myself in this awkward position in life, I feel I should tell the whole story because this is just another chapter in our ongoing saga. ;- ) It's kind of a modern Pilgrims Progress, if you will.
My husband and I used to be wild. I was totally into the Grateful Dead and living a bohemian lifestyle. My dream was to live in a bus and travel around the country, touring with the Dead and just hanging out. I had no desire for mainstream life AT ALL. My husband was a carefree, guitar playing artist/poet who lived all over the place but never really had a place of his own. We met in high school but I was dating a loser at the time so there was never a romantic connection. We were more or less acquaintences.
Upon turning 18, I moved out of my parents house because they were cramping my style. I held a myriad of jobs including veteranarian assistant, dog groomer (I was professionally trained!), secretary for Papa John's pizza franchises, dry clean counter girl...etc. I even tried college for a little while but just wasn't ready for it. Then I fell in love with my husband.
We were really into each other. I loved his art and his poems and he was incredibly smart. He was also really hot. We dated about six months or so before we decided to get married. We rented a smaller apartment (I had a roommate before) and moved in together. I got pregnant almost immediately.
When this happened our whole world turned upside down. We didn't have a "plan". We were just going to get married and maybe travel some and then go back to school together but the pregnancy changed everything. I didn't have a lot of positive people in my life at the time and I was encouraged quite emphatically to get an abortion but I did not believe this was right. Nor did my husband (then boyfriend). So we moved our wedding date up even though we were definitely not ready for marriage or children.
The first six years of our marriage were very hard. We were poor and struggled. My husband did not have a sense of responsibility yet and we were both bad at making good decisions. We ran up an unthinkable credit card debt just to pay bills and keep food on the table and often had our utilities shut off. We were in threat of foreclosure for years, paying our mortgage a few months late and desperately trying to catch up. My husband drank excessively and occassionally used drugs still. We fought like crazy and were terrible examples for our kids. Finally, I couldn't take anymore and I got a lawyer and filed for divorce. My husband moved out, we sold the house, filed bankruptcy and began divorce proceedings.
Then my husband was witnessed to at work. In the midst of his life slipping away, Jesus caught him. He tried to witness to me but I was so bitter and hard hearted that I felt threatened by his new found faith. And then I lost my job. My husband stepped in and told me if I would give him one more chance he promised he would take care of me. Reluctantly, I accepted. We got back together. Then one night while I was working a young man studying to be a pastor began talking to me about God. At first I dismissed him as a nut case but he was a really likeable guy and very real. Before long his constant talk about God made me pretty curious. It was these words that hooked me, "You know how God loves us?" No, I didn't know.
Night after night he talked and talked about what he was learning at Bible college, how it was impacting his relationships, etc. I was basically his sounding board. But I was amazed by his unwavering faith. I began studying the word, listening to Moody radio, looking things up on the internet, etc. By November, 2000, I was saved.
With my husband and I both saved we wanted to begin our marriage again, differently. We understood how important having Jesus as the center of our marriage was in order for us to have a solid marriage. And we started life all over again. We had no money and three kids.
During this time my husband felt he needed to return to school so that he would be able to get a better job and be able to provide for his family. I, on the other hand, began studying homesteading and self-sufficient living. Being in the vulnerable state of having to depend on God because there was nothing else brought so much joy to me. Why? Because God never let me down. Ever. Even when we had only a couple of dollars and ten days to payday, our needs were always met. If we needed something we couldn't afford, God always provided it somehow. I can't say being poor made me happy--depending on God made me happy. I was uncertain about moving into a new level of "earning power".
But soon enough my husband finished school and increased his salary and enabled us to live in a way we hadn't dreamed we ever would. But he was very unhappy. I never understood this. Being a woman I imagine I never will. But he reached his goal...he set out to do something and he did it. He was a good provider for us like he wanted to be. But he was like a hollow person the whole time.
After a while our relationship wasn't as good. We fought a lot. I wanted to be supportive but I didn't know what to support. He hated his job and it was slowly draining the life out of him. His faith was suffering and he was impatient and frustrated all of the time. We made some changes. We bought a bigger house and took on a lot more financial obligations.
Last week when my husband lost his job I was relieved. To me, it was another chance at "doing it right". I know God will provide for us. He never lets me down. Ever. This is our chance to break away and get back to basics. We can center our lives around Christ and live for His purpose instead of our own. This is our chance to be real. And that is what I want more than anything money could buy.
Comments
Apr. 9, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by sixfolks
Wow Christine! What a great story of how God can work in our lives. Thank you for sharing such a personal journey. Isn't it wonderful to know that the Lord continues to work in our lives and no matter what we face day to day He is faithful. Praying that the Lord will bless your family greatly during this transition.
Corey
Apr. 10, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Angeline
You have such a wonderful testimony! Your own experience of being witnessed to encourages me to never give up on those who need to hear the gospel message.
I pray that this time will draw your family even closer to God and may He continue to be glorified through your life.
-Angeline
