Apr. 30, 2008 - That'll teach me!
This past Sunday we went to church again. We didn't go with any expectations...just to be there for our friend who was singing that day. The kids chose to stay with us in the sanctuary because they wanted to hear her sing too. It may not be the right reason to go but any time we step foot in church is a victory in my book! With all of our hang-ups and fears my husband and I were both kind of quiet afterwards. Finally, DH asked why I was so quiet and thus began another strange conversation about church.
The thing is, I know why I am afraid to go to church. I have been rejected by the people that I love. I am different in a lot of ways from my family and always have been so I have always kind of been the odd girl out. I stood alone most of my life with my quarkiness and funny ideas about life, whether right or wrong. Now as a believer I am more different than ever. Sometimes I don't even know what to say or do when my family is around...I just keep busy.
Growing up in a family that does not neccessarily agree with organized religion, I grew up with a bias toward the church. When I was saved, my eyes were open to Jesus and what I saw was nothing like what I thought about the church. To me, Jesus was more of a character in a best selling novel than a real man or son of God. So you can imagine my surprise when I learned the truth! The first thing I wanted to do was share this with my family because I wanted them to know how wonderful this knowledge was. Not to correct them. Not to admonish them. But to say "HEY! This is really neat. I wish I had known this before because this would have saved me a lot of trouble! You guys ought to check this out! This might help you!" But instead...REJECTED. Being a newborn in the faith, I didn't know how to handle this...it hurt. But guess what? There is someone who knows exactly what it feels like to be rejected and to this day is still rejected...my savior.
Yesterday I talked to my friend about my fears (again--thank God she has the patience to put up with me!) And she pointed this out to me again. Jesus himself was rejected by his own father when he drew his last breath. His disciples rejected him too and claimed they did not know him. Who better to understand me than Jesus Christ? So, my fear: What if the body of believers rejects me? Well, if they do I still have Jesus and always will.
DH and I have been making our own plans to move and reduce our expenses. We don't know where to go. Going to church on Sunday, even though we're still looking in from the outside, felt more like home than ever before. We are so different...yet there does seem to be room for us in that church...quarky and funny as we are. We stopped making plans for now and have decided to walk through a door that has remained open to us.
Comments
Apr. 30, 2008 - Dear Sister
Posted by beckytrow
Why is it that you think Believer's will reject you? Some churches are not what they seem, but most are grounded in the Truth! Where are thinking of moving again? Praying for you to belong!
In Christ,
Becky
