Hubby and I have gone through some rough years lately of real fire... the purifying stuff that really proves what you are and what you are not. It's not been fun. It's been painful and at times, we've had to count to ten and press forward.

We have discussed how that when we were younger, God's will seemed so obvious. We just coasted along and He lead. We went through some trials, but God's will was so apparent that we just knew everything was going to be okay.

About ten years ago, that cruise-control ride stopped. I know that God was still in control, but where was He? People in our church were not being kind and life was getting difficult. I personally was miserable. I hated it here. I hated everything.

So, we moved. We moved two states away. We took a church. We felt that it was God's will, but we also still felt alone. To make a very long story very short, our six month stint in Chicagoland was a disaster. More disappointment, more frustration, more heartache. We left and came back to Ohio, broken and our health greatly suffering.

We felt stupid returning home. People were to sure to ask what was wrong? Why did we leave our church? We were telling ourselves what failures we were. We came back as changed people - realizing that yes, things can really be worse somewhere else... believe it or not. Some people from our church didn't want us back... they had filled in the gap in our absence and we were a threat to them. We knew it; but we had to return. It was one of the hardest things we've ever done.

My health was so poor that the doctors told me I had everything - Meniere's disease, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Adrenal Fatigue, Balance problems, Immune problems, allergies... you name it... I had it. I searched for a good doctor to help me and tried some crazy things. Some worked, some didn't.

I tried to teach at a Christian school and that didn't work. I tried to go back to college and that wasn't right either. I finally decided to just stay home and take care of my kids...homeschool them... and just be a good wife and mom.

And an amazing thing has happened - I can feel His hand again. He has allowed Himself to become clear to me again. My health is improving. Our finances are getting under control. Our children are blooming. The church is growing. We feel peace again. We feel HIM again.

Our problems are not gone, but we can see HIM working like we used to feel it. Did we get out of His will? I don't know; we didn't do anything differently. We still prayed; read our Bible; went to church; lived holy lives; sought after Him; did all we knew to do.

Job 23:8-14 was our life:

"Behold, I go forward, but he is not there; and backward, but I cannot perceive him: On the left hand, where he doth work, but I cannot behold him: he hideth himself on the right hand, that I cannot see him: But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold. My foot hath held his steps, his way have I kept, and not declined. Neither have I gone back from the commandment of his lips; I have esteemed the words of his mouth more than my necessary food. But he is in one mind, and who can turn him? and what his soul desireth, even that he doeth. For he performeth the thing that is appointed for me: and many such things are with him."

My reason for sharing this is not only to share, but to let someone out there know that even though everything is dark and you can't find your way, He is there. Life is a crazy, mixed-up thing that just can't be explained away. However, I'm so thankful that He has a reason for everything that He does. And I'm just so grateful that He has protected us and watched over us as we have floundered about like a couple of ducks out of water. Great is His faithfulness!