Aug. 29, 2008 - Proud Mommy moment...

Yes, I had 2 proud mom moments in the past couple of days and wanted to share them!  First of all we received Savannah's schedule for dance classes in the mail on Wed. and she has 1 class that will be on Mondays.  The other class she was interested in taking is being offered on Wed. nights only; we go to church on Wed. nights for a church dinner, fellowship, and classes for all of us.  We all really enjoy this evening, and miss it when we aren't able to go. I knew when Savannah's schedule came that we weren't going to be able to do the dance class; but thought I would present the situation to her and see what her reaction was....when I told her about the times and the conflict; her response was well mom I am not giving up my time with the youth group and I love having dinner at church!! I guess I'll have to take that class some other time!!!!!  I was so proud of her, she gets it!  She realizes that our time with our church family and these Bible studies are much more important than dance class!  Then my other moment was today at the grocery store, we go to the same store every 2 weeks to do our BIG GROCERY TRIP.  Usually the same checker is working and gets pretty used to seeing us, today as I was checking out, she said to me "I just have to tell you that everytime your kids come in here, they are so well behaved; it is amazing, they are always very polite, and seem to be very helpful"  She told me how proud I should be of them.  I told her thank you so much, they are very good kids; and I am proud to be their mom!!  The situation with Savannah chooseing church over dance just melted my heart, to see that she "gets it", and then today in the store, I felt so proud and blessed that others see the good in my kids, and that I get to spend all day with them!!!  Now don't get me wrong, that isn't to say that things don't get pretty hairy from time to time in the car or after we get home, with picking at each other.  But I have to say that over the past month or so, I have really seen a change in those behaviors that we were struggleing with;I think the talks we have had have really helped, and I see it in my kids they are not argueing near as much, and I am not having to remind them of how they are expected to talk and act (or at least not as often) like I was before.  Things have been so peaceful around here, I KNOW this is due to me getting back into my devotions; thanks to my Sunday school class really making me yearn for God's word as I work on realigning my life to my Core Callings that God has set out for me!  Anyway I am feeling very blessed right now and just wanted to share with everyone!

Hope everyone has a WONDERFUL WEEKEND!!!!

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Aug. 25, 2008 - Happy Birthday Sonny!!

Yes, today is my honey's birthday!!  So I get to take a few minutes to talk about how wonderful he is!!  To start off I made up my mind in the 6th grade that I would marry Sonny (much to the dismay of my parents) at that time anyway!  They all love him now!!  But even then there was something about him I just loved him!!   Although then I think it was his cool hair!!  Now it is for so many other reasons!  Sonny is an amazing father, he loves us all so much, he gets down and plays with my kids, he takes the boys fishing and with him to work at his mom's or do a favor for a friend, if it is something he thinks they will enjoy and not get hurt, he lets them tag along, and help in any way they can; I have also watched him praise him for their hard work, and tell them how much he appreciated their help!! And as for Savannah; this young lady has her daddy all wrapped up!! He looks forward everyday to coming home knowing Savannah is on the porch ready to ask him about his day, because she wants to be the first one to greet her daddy home!  This is a dad that can sing you the High School Musical Songs, because he has sat through these movies with her time and time again because she loves them so much; he is willing to watch it again....and again!!  Sonny has always been very supportive, he stands with me on the issues of home schooling and loves me being at home taking care of and teaching the kids, and house, having me here when he gets home; and with them all evening.  This as you all know puts a lot more pressure on him as the provider, as everything goes up, and most families are 2 income families, I realize just how hard he works to take care of all of us, and how he would love to find a new job, but stays where he is to make sure he has insurance and the $$ needed to keep us a 1 income family.  Through the struggles we have had over the past 2 years of so, (and there have been many) I have seen a growth in Sonny, seen him open up and say there are things I need help with, things I am not doing the way God has intended and he has taken the steps to find someone to help him with these things, that is huge growth, on his part and I believe takes a strong man to say please help me to be better!! Anyway Sonny had to work today, so while he was gone the kids and I made him a b-day cake.   This evening his brother and his family came over and ordered pizza, we all had pizza and cake and ice cream.  The kids and I got him a couple of video games for his PS2, he was thrilled!  We just hung out tonight and visited.  ON Sat. night some friends from church kept the kids all night and Sonny and I went and walked around an "Olden Days" display in our town, and went to a motorcycle show then out to eat with Mel and Duane, and came home and watched a movie and just cuddled!  It was a great evening for just the 2 of us and did things Sonny loves to do, (it was his b-day weekend)!  I just enjoyed us having some time together and dinner with our dear friends was AWESOME!! Thanks guys!  And tonight with his mom and brother, all the kids was good too, I think he had a good day!  Happy Birthday to Sonny!!

Now another birthday, Sonny shares his day with my dear dear step mom!  First of all not a term I care to use, step mom always makes people think of those mean people in the movies!  But Cathy and I have grown so close over the years it so isn't like that!!!! Cathy has been married to my dad for almost 20 years!!!! Of course there were those adjustment times and not so great years when I was a teenager where things were rocky, but those are long gone, and I see those as different people.  Well I guess we were different people, since those days Cathy and I have both given our lives over to Jesus, and we attend the same church along with my mom and step dad.  Cathy is an amazing grandma, my kids are so lucky, and I feel blessed to say that my parents may have divorced when I was young, but I have 4 WONDERFUL PARENTS!!  No steps around here!!  Thank you so much Cathy for all you do and always have done for me (even when I didn't realize it was for my own good!)  Happy Birhday to Cathy too!!

Hope everyone had a great Monday!!

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Aug. 21, 2008 - Why can't she just clean the kids' teeth???

Today I took the kids to the dentist, I was a bit nervous about Logan would do; since he told me last year he didn't EVER want to go back!!  But all three of the kids were great, and no cavaties!!  But I knew from last year there is one lady in the office who just always seems to question me in ways that are really none of her business!!  The first time was last year when I went to the dentist and she told me she could tell I drank soda , OK so I had that one coming, but then she says and I guess your kids drink a lot of soda as well, I told her no (complete truth, soda is a once in a while treat for my kids) and she stepped back and looked at me like I was lying and said "YOu have soda in your house, and the kids don't drink it??" I stayed calm and said that is correct, my kids don't have free reign of all items in the kitchen, I am the mother!  I could tell last year she looked at us "funny" when Savannah told her she was h'schooled. Then today she was talking to Logan as she is cleaning his teeth and says so have you started school yet?  He told her when we are starting, and that he is going to be in 1st grade at home!  He is so cute!!!  She looks over at me and says" OH I forgot you do that?" I just smiled and said yes, and it works very well for us!  Then she asked me well, who decides what you teach and what books you use?  I took her questions as curiosity and said, there are many curriculums to choose from and I order what works for us.  Then she says does ANYONE check on you, how do THEY know your teaching your kids?  I just said, my kids are learning much more than they did while in PS.  I was so frustrated!! I don't feel like everyone has to agree with h'schooling, but get off of my back, and just clean his teeth would ya???  That is what I wanted to tell her!  I know it isn't for everyone, and I know it really isn't for some, but I see this woman once a year I don't have to answer to her!!  Honestly  if I didn't like the dentist so much I would probably switch just to not have to deal with her.  I know that is silly, she just really rubs me wrong!  Oh well enough of all that ranting, the important thing is everyone survived the dentist, my mom in law came over for dinner tonight and we had a nice evening, now I need to get myself to bed, busy day tomorrow!!

Night night everyone!!

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Aug. 19, 2008 - A houseful of kids!!

Yes, that is what we have had lately, and it has been lots of fun!!  Sunday night my nephew and 2 nieces stayed all night with us, so the 6 kids played outside till almost dark, then after all the showers, everyone got to camp out in the living room and watch a movie with the lights out!!  Three of the kids were out by half way into the movie, and 3 held on till the very end, and didn't go to sleep till I shut everything off, I think it was 12:15!!  Not something that happens around here much, where the kids are concerned, but they were being so good, and no one had to get up early on Monday, we let it happen!  Of course everyone slept in a bit Monday, then Monday afternoon while Sonny was gone to his interview, I took the kids to the park, & called my mom to come join us, the kids played, had snacks and drinks, and did lots of "tricks" on the equipment, and of course were all sweaty, and dirty by the time we left; we stayed about 2 hours; it was a great day!!  We all miss seeing the kids so much, that having them here was a great treat for everyone, although I will say as my brother and sis in law have changed their lifestyle, they are definately spending less time on parenting as well, little things that were never an issue before like manners, and the way we talk to one another, smarting off and such were a bit of an issue a couple of times.  A quick reminder that it doesn't fly at Aunt Heather's got the point across!!  Today I had the kids for a couple of hours this morning too, and had my cousin's girls too, so yea 9 kids till about noon!! Then my brother's kids went home, who knows when we'll get that chance again; with the strain that is there; but I keep praying for the whole situation; it is so akward when my sis in law comes over; we have lost all common ground.

As for Sonny's interview, he turned down the job, they weren't willing to pay what he was asking, and the vacation time and insurance were a joke!! So he is staying where he is for now.  He did just get a very good raise, and in Jan. his vacation time goes up to 4 weeks!!  He really didn't seem to disappointed about the job, I think we really spent enough time praying about the situation and I stepped back and really tried to put my "New Eve" studies to practice and remember my place as his wife, and helper.  Not to sound like I am less than I was before, but I am working really hard on aligning myself with God's plan for my life as Sonny's wife, and I am loving everything I learn!!!! Working on changeing some lifetime habits, and tendancies isn't even a little bit easy, but wow, when I actually step back and let God do his thing, it all just seems to work!!  I know "imagine that" I am not even close to done with this study and feel like it should be a requirement for every young lady before she gets married, how much easier and more peaceful things can be when you follow God's plan instead of your own!! I don't by any means have it all figured out, and still struggle with it but now I realize I don't have to have it perfect, and I don't have to do it alone!!!!  I knew that before, but I think I really only accepted it in my head & didn't give it much thought at all if things were going well! 

Anyway that is my update for now & I hope everyone is having a wonderful week!!

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Aug. 14, 2008 - Therapy progress....soccer starting....a new job interview!!!

Savannah had her first therapy session today in 2 weeks; it felt like forever since we had been to the office.  After her session Miss Sandra called me back to show me what they had worked on today; and Savannah is doing so much better!!!  It is an amazing difference since she started last year, we have had her in therapy longer than originally planned, and it takes so much dedication to stick with it, but wow it is so worth it!!  She is accomplishing exercises in therapy now that she couldn't have began to do a year ago, and all of these things will benefit her in school as well as just every day life.  Also to know and see the difference that has taken place in this little girl's confidence in herself is awesome!!  She used to be so stand offish, and wouldn't join in on anything, she was scared of looking dumb, or failing or what others may say; and now she is ready to volunteer for just about anything, she even told me last week she would like to get up in front of our church and SING!!!!  I was completely shocked and she was almost begging to go talk to our worship leader to ask when she could do this in front of everyone!! Now this is the same little girl who 2 years ago didn't even want to participate in the GROUP singing for the Christmas program at church.  WOW what a difference!!

Tonight Wilson's soccer coach to be called to let me know when practices would be starting, Wilson doesn't know yet since he was already in bed, but he will be so excited!!  Something that the coach said to me that caught me off guard was "What school does Wilson go to?"  I answered that he is homeschooled, and she just said, Oh homeschooled?  Funny, that really didn't phase me, I just thought it may not be what you expected to hear, but it sure does work for us!!  I just find myself more and more grateful for this chance to h'school all the time!!  Savannah is also signed up but I haven't heard from her coach yet; Logan won't be playing soccer since he wanted to try T-ball over the summer; he wasn't real happy when I reminded him we wouldn't be signing him up for soccer; but that is the rule!! They all got to pick 1 sport; so if he wants to try soccer it will have to be next year!  I am sure he will survive, I have really been working hard at reminding the kids that not everything they want isn't just going to happen because they want it!!  Anyone else ever feel like they are trying to teach the same lesson over and over again!!  I do have good kids and they do understand that most of the time, but when they start falling into those selfish, I want.... or Can we go?? stages it just about makes me crazy, then I feel like taking EVERYTHING away so they can learn to appreciate all over again...OK so maybe that is a bit extreme.

Sonny got a call today for a job interview on Monday, we really don't know to much about the job, he sent a resume in for an ad he seen in the paper needing welders, because it is about 10min. from home verses an hour away.  So he is going to go on Monday and take a welding test and talk to them about what positions they are wanting to fill and all that good stuff.  This is so confusing, here we are talking about possibly moving closer to church and Sonny gets a call about a job right outside of town; so maybe we end up staying here??? Who knows???  I have been praying about all of this and feel like I am at peace in waiting for God's answer.  And since we don't even know if he will get or want this job, it is kinda early to start trying to figure this all out!  Although he has been at his current job for 9 years and him changeing is pretty scary to me!  But I have to remember others who have went through this and it was a much bigger change for their whole family!! (Thinking of you Laurie)  And hey, they still seem "pretty normal"!  LOL 

Anyway a lot starting to happen around here, and praying that I remember to keep my focus where it needs to be!!

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Aug. 13, 2008 - Is it finally over???

I sure hope so, at my last post I talked about how everyone besides Logan and I had been sick with the flu, then Sunday night it hit Logan!!!! Yes he was sick from 12:30 to 5:30 am, then 2 of the little girls I watch ended up sick on Monday night!!  As of yesterday everyone has been fine, and hopefully it stays that way, I can't believe how hard this "bug" hit my family, and it is so hard to see your kiddos so sick and miserable.  Anyway I somehow escaped getting it, and have cleaned and disinfected so much in the past week, if there is still a flu germ living in this house it must not be killable!!

Monday night the ladies from Wed. morning Bible study got together to watch a movie "One night with the King" based on the story of Esther, since the study is over; I really wanted to be able to attend that; but with all the sickness and the distance it would have been for me to attend; I didn't.  I iahd already decided I wouldn't go before Logan got sick, because it would have been about an hour there and then an hour home, besides the length of the movie, besides with the gas prices it was better for me to skip this activity, hard decisions these days with the distance on what we should attend and what we should skip, hard decisons I wish I didn't have to make at least not because of distance!! 

I have decided  we are going to start school on Sept. 2 this year.  I was originally planning on starting in August, but since I am still waiting for some things to arrive, and we did go longer into June this year; I am going to wait till Sept. 2, then I think for the first week we will simply concentrate on Math and Reading then move into History, Science and Language, also Health for Savannah.  We are going to do devotions for the first week, then our Bible lesson will be included in our History, I think this will be good for the kids and we will all learn a lot from it.  I have really struggled and went back and forth a lot over what to use for History and Science; I never liked either one of these subjects in school; and the more curriculum I look at the more I think it is because of the way public school teaches these subjects, maybe if it would have been more than taking notes and memorizing dates I would have enjoyed it.  I love to read, but I never had History presented to me in an interesting way, I am hoping to do that for my kids.  The public schools here start on August 20, so that will give me a week and a half before we start here; to get things all set up (the rest of the way)

My sis in law is planning on going back to school this fall ( I believe she starts on the 25th) and their 2 oldest are in school, but Heather Renee is only 3 and a 1/2 so Kathy has asked me if I would be willing to watch her for a couple of hours a day a couple of days a week, Heather told me she was going to go to my school with Savannah!! (How cute??)  Sonny and I talked about it, and I told Kathy that if I was able to do it without compromising my kids' school I would; but it would be on a trial basis, because I can't have the distraction from teaching my own kids, I have some old workbooks; and figured I could get her, her own notebook and crayons (since everything is on sale) and we'll see how it goes!  With Savannah being in 6th this year, I really feel the pressure to keep things as structured for the kids as possible, they are getting so much older, and I am feeling a "time crunch" with Savannah to make sure I get everything in, that I am supposed to!!  Kathy does have a back up in case it becomes to much to have her here while we are having school.  I will say I would love the opportunity to spend that time with her, things have been so strained over the last couple of years with my brother's family and the rest of us, that we don't spend near as much time together as we used to, we have went from (at one time) seeing each other a couple of times a week, to now I have only seen the kids twice this entire summer!!!  Different life styles and priorities really puts a strain on relationships, doesn't it??

Savannah is almost completely done with her vision therapy!! Although the last couple of weeks has really set us back since she was gone to camp for a week, then everyone here was sick for a week!  We have some ground to make up on her home exercises in the next week, but her last scheduled day of therapy in the office is Sept. 4th!!  This is huge for her, she will then only have a monthly set of exercises to do at home to keep her eyes working properly!!  After so many years of struggles this is such a big deal for her, I am so proud of how far she has came, and how hard she has worked, she gets discouraged, but what a determined young lady she has been through all of this!!  We still have not been able to get Wilson in for his testing, and I am pretty sure he is also going to be needing some vision therapy, although not any where near to the extent of Savannah, it just hasn't been possible financially to get him in for his testing; it is so expensive!!!  So hopefully we will be doing that shortly after she finishes up her office therapy, we will be paying on her bill for quite some time to come, but that is mainly because the Dr. was kind enough to work out a lower payment program for us, and she told us that if we are able to come up with the $$ to get Wilson's testing done, she will do the same for his therapy program, so that is a huge relief!  Well I need to go on and get this day started, so thats all I have for now, hope everyone is having a GREAT WEEK!!

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Aug. 10, 2008 - Everyone has been sick!!

  Yes, it started last Sunday with Savannah; she was SICK, (throwing up and fever) till Monday evening, but Monday afternoon it hit my hubby and stayed with him through Tuesday evening; at which time our town had a HUGE storm, knocking out power for a day and a half, and knocking down trees and doing LOTS of damage all over town!  During the "lights out" the horrible flu bug hit Wilson, so he was throwing up by candle light till Wed. morning!  Then we spent a lot of time at my mom's and mom in law's because my mom's new house now had 3 HUGE trees on top of it, crushing her patio to the ground!!  And my mom in law had a tree fall on her power lines!! Talk about a mess, Sonny has his mom's house cleaned up, but my brother and his crew have lots of work ahead of them at my mom's.  They have the trees removed and the patio pulled the rest of the way off of the house, and the insurance adjuster has been there, but there is so much damage; it is just unreal!!!   There is even damage inside the house, from rain getting into the attic, causing yellowing on the ceiling, and they have found 3 hairline cracks in their wall in the living room!!! My heart just broke for my mom, they had only been living there a little over 3 weeks!  But I praise God to the fullest, because my mom was out on the patio minutes before it was crushed!  Can you imagine how she felt once that sunk in??? God spared her and I am so thankful for that, we can rebuild a patio and new trees can grow, but I only have 1 mom & plan to keep her around for a while!!  Luckily Logan and I didn't catch this nasty flu, but I was on the couch ALL DAY today with what I am guessing was a migrane!  I have a dear friend who experiences these, but I have never had anything like it.  Today, Savannah was gone fishing with my cousin and his kids; and Sonny and the boys went to deliver some fire wood, I had him shut all the curtains, I turned off the phone, tv, and laid on the couch hurting to the point of tears, I finally fell asleep, and woke up 4 hours later with just a dull head ache, and feeling like I had been run over by a truck!! No appetite, and still feeling so sensetive to light, I still dozed off and on for about 2 hours!  I ended up taking more migrane med. tonight, and finally about an hour ago am feeling normal, but guess what now I can't sleep??!!  Anyway I am so glad that is over and my heart goes out to anyone who experiences migranes on a regular basis.

Now that the sickness has left my house and everything has been disinfected we are hoping for a much better week!  I was bummed out that I had to miss the last week of my Wed. Bible study; due to illness but have finished it on my own at home, I look at Esther in such a different way after this study, and how encourageing it is to know that God can use ANYONE!!  I am really enjoying my Sunday school class, "The New Eve" is the book we are studying; and it is really helping me in the struggles I have in trying to lead all the time, and yea Satan really wants to mess with me, and some days are easier than others, but I am going to keep going, I so want what this book talks about; and am working at really examing myself and just giving all these things to God usually numerous times a day!!! 

I am getting really excited about starting school again, and the kids are too!  I still don't have everything in yet; and haven't decided for sure on our starting day; the kids I babysit will be starting on the 20th; so I know I will be taking at least a week after that to just spend time with my kids not having the extras here.  And they enjoy helping me get the stuff ready on their shelves.

I drove by and looked at a couple of houses Friday night, that my stepmom had checked out; it would put us about 30 min. closer to church; which would be awesome!! But while they were really cute houses and in our price range; there really wasn't any yard at either one, with an outside dog and 3 kids a yard is pretty important!!!  No we haven't made a definate decision on where we want to live; but I do think we are leaning to getting closer to church; we just have such a yearning to be closer to our church family and we really don't want distance to be a reason for the kids to not get to participate in things, not to mention all of the guys that Sonny is close to, and enjoys hanging out with are in that area, and you know how much better we all do with some Christian fellowship and accountability; the buddies he has around here, don't go to church and at times he will even say bring him down!  I am still not crazy about moving away from our mom's but I have had the verse from Genesis put on my heart that talks about leaveing your parents and cleaveing to your mate!  I know this doesn't necessarily refer to distance, but I am thinking that staying here for emotional reasons means I am not really cleaveing to my husband?  I am not sure if that makes sense or not, but it does in my head!  We aren't really looking seriously right now, just keeping our eyes open and looking at options.

So that is the "catch up" for now; and I really need to try to get some sleep; my alarm will be blasting in about 4 hours!!

Blessings to all!!

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Jul. 30, 2008 - Encouragement from Bible Study and amazing comments!!

So today is better, probably due in large part to the comments made on my last posts, a very sweet email from a friend, the support of our Ladies Bible study, about 5 emotional phone calls between my step dad and I, and mostly taking all of these things and going to God, and his word!! No all the problems aren't solved, no all the issues aren't decided upon, and probably won't be for a while.  But I do think I have more insight to what is going on with my husband, and how I need to react!!  He needs a supportive, respectful wife, that can listen; and I need to learn how to be still and listen!! Oh that is tough for me, and I know I can't change my behaivior, I have discovered that the only way I am going to be the wife he needs me to be, is to go to God and ask him to remove these character defects; that I "say" I want to change, because I think when it comes down to it, I am scared to change these things, I feel I need to be in control, and that is not where I need to be, that is not my place; and I can't expect my husband to take the leading role, if I won't get out of the way!!!  So here I am asking God to change these things in me, admitting that I am not capable of doing this!!

Still have no idea what is going to happen with where we live, when the time comes to make that decision, and yea still feeling torn on what we should do, but I am going to have to let it go, hanging on to this right now is crazy!!! I just want to be sure that I will recognize God's leading verses what do we want???  I am thinking the way to do that is continue with these awesome Bible studies; and listen!!!  It is amazing what I may hear if I just stop once in a while!

Savannah is still gone to camp; I go pick her up on Friday; and can't wait!!!  I hope she is having an awesome time, but can't wait to have my little girl home again!  Even her brothers are missing her!!

So yes I do still feel like Satan is really working on our family right now, but I think I am going to try a different approach in dealing with him; like stop letting him take over!!! Learning I can't control it all, but OUR AWESOME GOD CAN!!!  What a freeing thought!

Blessings

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Jul. 28, 2008 - Feeling attacked!

So here I am with so much going on in my head, and not really knowing what I am supposed to do, or maybe I should say not knowing what God wants me to do!!    As I have mentioned in my last couple of posts I have started attending a Wed. morning Bible study, as well as stepped away from teaching for a couple of mo. to attend a Ladies Sunday school class; both of which I am LOVING!!!!  I feel like I am learning so much, and that these are both so encouraging to me, I am building even closer relationships with some amazing women at our church, and really feel like these are good choices for me.  The flip side of this is that every time we do something to become closer to God, and to better our relationship with our family and bring Jesus MORE INTO OUR LIVES ( as it is supposed to be) Satan jumps in and starts messing with us!!  I feel like I am being attacked right now; and am really struggleing!  Something I mentioned before was that I needed prayer for a decision I feel like we are going to need to make.  To go into a bit more detail is that; right now we are about 45 min. from our church, but only about 1min. from my mom and my mom in law!! We ABSOLUTELY LOVE being so close to our moms, and the kids having 2 grandmas so close by, but being so far from church sometimes makes it very difficult to attend many things that we want to, and to get more involved!!!!  We started discussing that maybe we should consider moving a bit closer to church, but we are struggleing with the idea of moving away from our moms.  MaInly because, my mom in law is alone, and my husband does so much for her, and my step dad is a truck driver and gone a lot, my mom has some health issues (she can take care of herself, and works), but there are things that we go over and do for her, because she simply needs the help.  I do have a brother, but unfortuantely he isn't really any help; and can't be depended on.  So basicly on one hand we would like to be closer to church, and be able to be more involved; but hate to move away from our moms, one reason being that we just like being close.  The other is well I guess it is guilt!  And the thing is neither one of our moms know we are even discussing this and neither one of them would want us to stay here out of guilt!!  Actually his mom would be upset if we changed our plans because of her, and my mom would not ever want to be something that held us back, so this is all self inflicted guilt!!  Now keep in mind we don't have to make this decision right away, we are still under the rental lease in this house, but for some reason this is really weighing heavy on my heart right now.

Also as I am trying to grow in my relationships and what it REALLY means to be a Godly wife; I feel like we are being so pushed, I am realizing that while my husband isn't a strong leader, I am and trying to step back and "let" him lead; I have to let go of my control issues and allow him to make mistakes and be supportive, but how do you do that if you KNOW that he is considering something that WILL FAIL, and he will probably come out feeling worse in the end, do I just sit back and support him, or give him my input, (even though he doesn't want to hear it, and views it as negative feedback).  I just feel like so much is happening right now, and it is all inside and it is all a constant struggle, big decisions with no easy answers, how do you know for sure when it is God leading you????  I guess it all boils down to that million $$ question, What does God want for us? and How do I know ?????  I am praying so much about all of these issues, but cannot get my husband to join me.....and given how negative he is feeling about everything....it is obvious he isn't praying on his own either.    So here it is will God bless a marriage and decisions if only one is taking it to him and depending on him????  Doesnt' he want all of us??  I know my husband loves the Lord and all of us, I don't think he is turning his back on the Lord (at least on purpose) I think it happens without him realizing it, and he falls into old attitudes (so easy to do), but I do see that he isn't depending on God COMPLETELY, and gets aggervated when I point this out to him. (He sees it as nagging) 

On another note, we went yesterday and dropped Savannah off at church camp for the first time!!!!!  She was very excited, although the closer we got to the camp the quieter she became, which is a sure sign that she is nervous, Savannah has never spent more than 2 nights away from home; and she will be gone for 5!!   I am happy for her, and missing her already!!  Please pray for her to enjoy herself, and not get homesick!!

Well much to do around the house; better give the computer a break!!

Blessings

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Jul. 19, 2008 - I am BACK!!

So right after my last post we lost our internet for a while, and I wasn't able to blog or check out other blogs, and was feeling very disconnected!! Funny how you become so dependent on the computer, but anyway we are back as of yesterday!! 

So what has been going on around here?? First of all; we did have Logan's birthday party and DID get rained on not once but twice, and fed a bunch of kids hot dogs in the middle of my living room floor!! THen the weather cleared and we did cake & ice cream and presents outside, it was a crazy day, with dear friends and family over, and Logan didn't even notice how crazy it was, so I guess all in all it turned out fine, but WOW what a mess my house was when it was all over!!

I started going to a Ladies Bible study led by a great friend of mine on Wed. mornings the kids get to go play with other kids and I get 2 hours of Bible study with some really great ladies, LOVE THIS!!!  Laurie is great at leading the study, and it is wonderful to get to spend some time with different ladies, in all different stages of life!!  I also am taking a break from teaching my Sunday school class for a couple of months to take a ladies Sunday school class, we have only had one so far, and I am loving it!!  Don't get me wrong, I already miss my kids from Sunday school, but this class sounded so amazing, and I had 2 ladies volunteer to take mine, just because they all thought I should take it, what a blessing all of these ladies are to me!!  And I will be so refreshed to go back and teach my little ones when I am done!!

Last week was a busy week we had my 8 mo. old nephew for an entire week, and also had VBS at church for 6 nights, so we were busy all week, and VERY TIRED BY FRIDAY!!!  But a good tired!

I really feel like we are being faced with a decision to make in the next few months and without going into any detail would really appreciate some prayer on this for Sonny and I.

Not really much more to add, and lots to get done, so I guess I'll be off for now, hope everyone is having a WONDERFUL WEEKEND!!

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Jun. 26, 2008 - Logan is 6!!

Yesterday my youngest son turned 6 years old!!  It just seems crazy to think it has been 6 years!  He is such a big boy, and wow, a mind of his own.  And once he has something in his head, it is there to stay, he sets his mind to something and your not going to change it, sometimes this really makes even the smallest thing a battle, other times it is a comfort!!  I know that by teaching him to make the right choices and modeling good behavior that it will stick!  Other times, I have to battle what outside influences have put into his head, and it takes a while to teach him otherwise!! But the thought that once he has the correct teaching that he will hold strong in it and spread it like wildfire, wow what a thought!!!  I have often joked that Logan is so hard headed because he wasn't a "planned baby" and we were actually preventing having a baby at the time, because Wilson was only a year old, but obviously God had other plans, and how thankful I am now, that Logan came along and that yes God's timing was the best!!  Now Wilson and Logan are each other's best friends, I am sure partly because they are so close in age. 

So yesterday while I babysat some other kids, we made sno cones for Logan's b-day, and when Sonny got home we gave him his gifts, then Logan went to his birthday dinner with my mom in law, she takes each child out alone for their birthday, they all look forward to their specail grandma dinner every year!!  We just hung out the rest of the evening, Sonny spent some time playing Logan's new game with the boys.  Sunday we will have a some people over for grilled hot dogs, and cake and icecream out in the yard, hoping for wonderful weather!!  We are going to have a yard ful of people, and I really don't want to move it all into my small house!! I am sure we will have a good day, but somehow I always end up all stressed out about having people over, and getting everything ready, I have all my lists made of things to get done, and other things I need to get so I am hoping to accomplish it all without to many troubles, and without stressing about it, it is a 6yr old b-day party after all, not really something that should get you all stressed out?? right??

Ok so I am off to fix breakfast for all these starving kids!!

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Jun. 23, 2008 - Something for me to work on...

Ok, so I haven't mentioned this on my blog, but I need to keep myself accountable so here goes.  I was random blogging and came across Dandelion Seeds, and the Ragamuffin Challenge!  Basicly you know that part of your stomach that as she puts it looks like a deflated balloon.... how do we get that to go away, I commented to her that I was going to join her in this challenge, and set a goal, that was 3 or 4 weeks ago, and I have done HORRIBLE!!  So here is my goal, lose 20 lbs, walk 30 miles by the end of August, and work my way up to doing 50 sit ups at least 3 times a week, (you know to make the deflated balloon go away).  I am way behind on the walking if I am actually going to meet my goal by the end of August, can you say pick up the pace??  As for the sit ups, well enough said!  And the weight loss, well it just doesn't happen, when you don't do anything!!!

So anyway, those are my goals, and I am starting over tomorrow, I am going to make it a better week!!!!  The only up thing I have done, is cut back on the snacking, and believe it or not, (for those of you who know me) I have actually cut back on the soda!  No, I won't be giving up my Pepsi completely, I mean come on lets be realistic, but I am not buying soda for the house, and have cut way back on the fountain sodas I buy, and drinking more ice water, but still not as much as I should!!

Good news, I found out today that my good friend Laurie will be teaching a Ladies Bible study at our church this summer, I have so missed the Ladies studies, and am looking forward to going, our church is quite a drive from home (about 45 min) so making an extra trip every week will be quite a struggle with gas the way it is, but wow do I need this study right now, it is based on "Becoming a Woman God Can Use" the study of Esther, sounds awesome, so I am signing up, and trusting that this will be "doable" for us.  I know that this time with other ladies from the church will be such an encouragement to me, and my kids love going and hanging out with the other kids!  So that is just a bit of what is spinning around in my head right now, hope everyone has a great week!!

Blessings!!

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Jun. 19, 2008 - Just hanging out...

Not to much going on around here, we have pretty much stayed home all week, and done not much of anything.  We are still doing our reading out loud, and the kids have done some computer work.  Today the girls I watch in the summer time and before/after school are coming back full time.  Their mom had surgery so I haven't had them since about the 3rd week of May, other than just to visit.  They are really good girls, but I have enjoyed the time with just my kids, not having the extras every day.  On the other hand a little extra money is much needed right now, so I guess it is a good thing they are coming back today!!

Savannah has her office therapy today, I am not used to taking so many kids with me, to her appts. so hopefully all goes smoothly!!!  Last night I went with my mom so she could do some shopping for the new house, she now has almost everything she is wanting/needing for the new house; but we still have to get her packing! I am hoping to go over one day next week and start packing stuff for her; while she is at work.

Last weekend was the Women of Faith conference, I went with a bunch of ladies from our church, and stayed the night on Friday with Mel, we had soooo much fun!  It was such an encouragement, to hear all of the ladies speak, and the music was AMAZING!!!  It did make for a long weekend, so I am looking forward to doing nothing this weekend!  I will have to go probably Friday evening and get groceries, but other than that, nothing going on till Sunday, we will go to church and I am considering taking the kids to the city pool on Sunday afternoon.  Next weekend we will be having Logan's birthday party, so doing not much of anything this weekend will be nice!!

Hope everyone is having a great week, and has a wonderful weekend!!!!

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Jun. 12, 2008 - So much going on!!

Wow, things around here are crazy!! First of all, I am happy to say that I am in much better spirits than with my last few posts, no the problems are not all solved, and I don't see anything happening to change things right away, but BOY HAVE I BEEN BROUGHT TO MY KNEES!!!! Yes that is what has changed, I am remembering to lean on God, and I am leaning and depending with all I have right now!! So even though things may not be the way I think they should be, I am not questioning him, I am spending so much more time in my devotions, and wishing I wouldn't have let that slide before, hmmmm.....think that is the message I was supposed to get??? 

Anyway, on to other news, we have been so blessed to have Grace back here for a while, now Grace is a little girl I had in day care when she was a baby she is 7, her and Wilson learned to crawl, walk, talk, potty train, EVERYHING together, she was one of those kids who started out as a day care client and became part of our famliy, she went to family dinners, everything with us then after 3 years her parents up and moved her to Alaska, we were all heart broken!!!  Well now her parents have split up, very sad for her, but her dad has been living back here for a few years now, and he is now only a few minutes from us, and he has had Grace for about 2 weeks, and will have her till the end of the month, so we have had her over to spend the night, taken her to church and spent the day with her, and the kids got to go spend the day with her again today!!  We are going to have her a couple of days next week, and she will get to be here for Logan's birthday too, we have loved having her around, and even though Savannah is really the only one who remembers the days we had her in day care, it is so cool that they have all bonded so quickly, like she never left, we will all be so sad to see her go back to Alaska!!!  We'll have to wait till Christmas to see her again, I am going to try to keep letters going back and forth!

Other news, my mom is moving, her and my step dad are buying a new house, it is beautiful, and I am so happy for them!!!!!  Everything is new, and they will have so much room, and the yard is huge, my kids can't wait till they move in, they are so ready to go stay all night, there is going to be a lot of work in moving them they have been where they are for over 20 years, and then we will have to get their house ready to sell! Lots of work ahead of us, and my mom will need lots of help, she isn't well enough to do it all alone, so next week the kids and I will be doing school for 3 mornings and then going to Grandma's and start the packing, after next week we will put the school stuff away till about mid August, and spend some time "character training" while helping Grandma however we can!!

HUGE & EXCITING NEWS FOR ME:  This weekend I am going to Women of Faith, Mel and I will be going with a group of ladies from our church, it is Friday night and all day Sat. and since we are meeting at the church to go over together, I am going to spend Friday night at Mel's house (can't wait, we need some uninterrupted girly time)!! I am so happy to have the opportunity to go, we didn't have the extra $$ to purchase tickets and I had wanted to go since I heard all about it last summer, but I realized it just wasn't possible and was OK with it, then there turned out to be 2 extra tickets donated by someone who wasn't able to go, so they were offered to Mel and I!!!! I don't know about anyone reading this right now, but given our current situation, I am thinking this HAS TO BE A GOD THING!!!  You gotta love when that happens, I am so sorry that the lady who donated them had to cancel, but I sure hope she knows how much she is blessing us!!!! 

Well it is late, and we have plans to swim with a friend tomorrow, so I should probably get myself to bed, the family has been sleeping for hours now, and I just haven't been able to get myself settled down, hope everyone is having a great week!!!!

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Jun. 2, 2008 - Philippians 4:11-13

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

I have read this verse over and over again, and know that I need to follow this example!  And most of the time I am able to do that, but I have those days (like last night) where I look around and find myself struggleing to find any good in the situation, let alone contentment!  I know Satan is working hard on our family right now, it seems once things seem to be going well, and everything is falling into place; we start to be pushed.  If he can keep me questioning our situation, then that will obviously cause a struggle in my marriage, and make it near impossible for me to teach my kids these principals; they need to see these things by example!!!! I know that God will provide for us always, and that the doubts, that rise up are not from him, I know that I need to pray specifically and wait, because GOOD THINGS happen in God's time not mine!  I am fully aware of these things, and have been in a lot of prayer time about the whole situation; but still those days come where the "simple human" mind takes over and says, Why are we stuck in this house?, Why aren't things happening faster?, Why can't I change this for my family?, Why did we give up the home we had, to move our kids here, what were we thinking???   Anyway that was my evening last night, so while Sonny was tucking the kids in, I sat out on the porch and cried, not so much because I wanted someone to come along and fix it, but because I just needed that outlet!  Sonny kept saying, what can I do?  There really isn't anymore he can do than he already is, except maybe pray WITH ME!!  He works so hard to take care of us, even though he is miserable with his job, he loves us, and puts us before everything else, I told him sometimes I just needed that outlet, I needed to cry!!!!!!  (He soooo doesn't get that) After I told the kids good night and all was settled down, I got my Bible out, and spent some time in God's Word, Philippians is where I ended up (not by accident), a reminder to me that this is where we are right now, and we must learn to be content in whatever the situation, and even more importantly the verses before this talk about prayer:  Verses 6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Wow!!!  So here I am being all anxious, and trying so hard to be content on my own!!!  If being anxious, brought contentment, and we could accomplish this on our own, what need would we have for a savior??  I must remember to yes continue to PRAY PRAY PRAY, but then I must wait, I must pray with the faith and confidence that HE will answer; and THANKSGIVING for what we have, (I know we could be so much worse off), I believe that doing these things will bring me the contentment I need to have in ANY AND ALL situaions, which will in turn teach my children by example!!   After all saying it, and not putting it into our lives teaches them nothing, right??!!  This is where I am right now, I really feel like God is growing us through all of this, but we MUST stop resisting, and remember we can't do it on our own!!!

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May. 29, 2008 - Feeling REFRESHED!!!!!

We have taken this week off from official school, after a rough beginning to the week, and now I am feeling so much peace and refreshed for next week!!   We have spent the week reading in our Little House book, and reading our library books in the evening. 

Last night our youth minister put together a Teacher Appreciation dinner for all the Sunday School teachers, and they provided activities and dinner in another part of the church for all the kids, it was a great evening!  We had a very nice meal, and some very encouraging words from the head of our pre school program, our youth and head minister.  Then we had a time of each table praying for our church and for each other individually at each table, it was WONDERFUL to have the fellowship, and prayers with our church family!!!!  We felt so blessed and recharged for our ministries when we left! 

Today I had my niece over for the day, she is 3 and so cute!!! She is at that age where she just follows Savannah around hanging on every thing she says and does, it is so adorable, and Savannah loves it too!!  After Savannah's therapy appt. today I took the 4 of them to the park to play for a while then it was home for a snack, when Sonny got home he took the boys and the 3 of them went to get haircuts.  Then he had to go over to his mom's to work on her lawn mower then mow her yard, while I took the kids to one of the schools for Logan's t-ball practice.  This is his first year playing and they have only had 2 practices because it has rained SO MUCH HERE!!!!  Wilson and Savannah both play soccer, but Logan wanted to try T ball this year, he is so cute out there, and LOVES IT!!!  His first game is Monday night, so tomorrow I am going to take him to get some baseball pants, (they aren't required, but there is a sale in town), so I thought for his first year we'll get the pants, but not special shoes, tennis shoes are fine at this age!  I am just as excited for his first game, I have never really been into sports, but I LOVE WATCHING MY KIDS PLAY!!!  It is so cool to see that excitement when they find something they really enjoy. 

So with all of this refreshed feeling going on, we will be jumping back into our Math, Phonics (for the boys), Grammar (for Savannah) on Monday!! They are pretty pleased with the schedule I have worked out for them 3 days a week for the next 2 or 3 weeks; then off for summer, till mid August.  After we finish for this year I am going to clean out the "school closet", am I the only one who ends up with a huge mess of I don't know what this is, where did it come from, why did I buy this stuff!!!!!!!  So I am going to take a day and go through everything, try to decide what I need to keep and put some organization back into it, especially if I am going to be ordering stuff for next year, I need somewhere to put it!!! I have to keep reminding myself this house is much smaller than our old one, I have to use my space wisely!  We are praying about when and where we will move (hopefully next year).  We have moved more in the past 2 years than I care to discuss, but I sure am ready to do it just 1 more time!!!!  We are not planning on anything in the to near future, but are praying about what will happen next year, we would really like to move outside of town, but are not making any quick decisions (we have gotten into trouble that way before).  So we will keep praying on where God wants us to be!!

Ok so I need to get myself to bed, lots to do tomorrow!!

Blessings

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May. 28, 2008 - I think I made a decision....

OK, so yesterday we did NOTHING!!!  Or at least we didn't open a school book, we did have to do some grocery shopping, and we went to the library, but other than that I was on the couch with the horrible head ache, and back pain!  Not to mention all the guilt I have loaded on myself for what we haven't accomplished, and on and on....

So after my post yesterday and plenty of couch time and prayer last night after the family was in bed, I have made a decision, I told the kids this morning, no school for the rest of this week, (except our reading) We are reading the Little House on the Prairie books, and they can do some reading in their library books, but that is it for this week!  As for next week, I will have a friend's kids 2 days a week for the summer, and then in July I will get my cousin's girls back for about 3-4 days a week, so the plan is that next week and the following week we will be working on Math and Phonics/grammar 3 days a week!!!

Then we will do nothing till about mid August, then back on Math first, by the end of August I am hoping to back into everything full swing!! I am going to take the advice from my last comment (thanks abundant blessings) and remember that many books start out with review and use that for the first teaching on those items!!  It was a very busy year, of "extras" with my outpatient surgery, then a move, and then major surgery all within 5 mo. so yes I have to remember that these too, were learning experiences!!!  So here is hoping that next year is a much more CALM year!!!

Well anyway that is my plan for now! 

Blessings to all!!

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May. 27, 2008 - What to do??

So what do you do when your trying to convince the kids that you really NEED to do school for a couple of more weeks, but YOU are just as out of the mood as they are!!  I am having a real struggle getting things done, I had planned to do school through the 2nd week of June, and I really feel like we need to since we missed so much in Feb. with my surgery, plus we moved in December so Christmas break was a little longer than planned, so here I am feeling very behind, and yet not feeling like doing anything!!   I am really thinking about just stopping for now, and maybe picking up for a few weeks at the end of June.  I guess this is just me feeling very guilty!!  I feel like we are not getting done, what we should be, but I just don't want to be in the "classroom", how am I supposed to push that we need to do school, when I am just as burnt out as they are?  Are we really getting anything out of this at this point?  I keep thinking that we should just "get it done", but if that is all we are doing, is anyone really learning anything?  I know that sometimes there are subjects that you do just have to "get it done", like with Savannah and Math, she struggles, and hates it, but we do get it done!  Oh, what to do??? I know that I am harder on myself than anyone else, and yes I find myself comparing to what others are doing, or what the public school is doing, even though I know that is ridiculous, and I am only concentrating on MY KIDS; and am doing what is best for them, so why do I let myself get all stressed out!!

Ok so now it is 8:30 am, I have been up since 5:30, with a horrible head ache, and I seem to have hurt my back over the weekend, and it hurts to move at all, and now my kids are up, and I still have no idea what we are going to do today, school or no school!!?? 

The kids are hungry, and I need to do something besides vent and whine on this blog this morning!!

So I am off to find some breakfast!!  Blessing to everyone reading!

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May. 22, 2008 - Pray for the Chapman family

I just read the story online about Steven Curtis Chapman and the horrible death of his youngest daughter, the thought of what this family is going through breaks my heart!!  Just wanted to put it out there, you can see a video of this beautiful little girl with her daddy, and leave a prayer comment for the family at StevenCurtisChapman.com 

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May. 21, 2008 - Mom's Birthday, End of the year coming!!

Today is my mom's birthday, so I get to take this time to tell you all what an amazing woman she is!!  My mom is one of my best friends, and my biggest "cheerleader"!!  I remember when I was a teenager and "not a very nice person" she put up with so much from me, and there were years we did nothing but fight over everything!! But when it really counted she was always there!  When I had my daughter; my mom came to my house every day at lunch to see her new grand baby and check on us!  She has never missed an opportunity to tell me how proud she was of me for staying home and being a mom, she always made it seem like I was conquering the world by being a "hands on" mom!!!  What I don't think she always realizes is that I took all that I learned from my own mom and just apply it to my home!  Everything from how I tuck them in, to how I explain right from wrong, and even how to cook a roast, I am so blessed, I am walking distance from her house, and LOVE IT!!!  I was so happy to go and wish her a wonderful birthday today, and just hang out in the yard.  So anyway Happy Birthday to my mommy!!

As for school, our week is going pretty good, I have been looking at the calender and am planning to go through the 2nd week of June, the kids are a little bummed because they know that the public school in our area will get out next week, but I have reminded them of the days we take off through the year when they are all in school.  Besides we are finished with school by 12:30 everyday anyway, so what is the big deal???   Letting them know we can be done by the 2nd week of June if we work really hard, has really made a difference in how much they are getting done!  There will still be some undone lessons at the end of some of the books, and I am sure we will touch on some of that over the summer, and then we will start the year with that next year before we move on to the "new books".  That is the plan right now anyway!  I have spent so much time changeing my mind on what I am going to use for next year, for who, and I think I finally have it decided! So now I need to get it all ordered and just take it all in, I love looking over the new materials, and the kids even get excited about seeing new books come in.  Savannah has been begging to learn another language, I found a 2 year program for Spanish that I am going to start her on in the fall, she is THRILLED!!!  Wilson wants to learn it right along with her, and I am sure he will jump right in, it should be exciting to watch this.

Hope everyone is having a GREAT WEEK!!

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