“Inspect systems and predict failures before they happen.” 

“There are two kinds of habits.  Habits that support our goals and habits that don't.”

There’s something that’s been heavy on my mind lately.  Someone I know recently helped me pull a lot of ideas into these thoughts. 

When I first started having kids, I told myself that I couldn't wait for my toddlers to grow up and get to their teen years.  I thought life would be so much easier because I wouldn’t have to dress them, fix their food, clean their messes, or wipe their behinds!  I would get to leave behind all the things that exhaust the parent of a younger child.  I told myself that by the time they got to their teen years, I'd finally get to be "me" again and not be so physically worn out by parenting.

My oldest is now 14 and I’m starting to realize that my perspective of ‘father’ was wrong.  When my children were young and needed me to provide for all of their physical needs I was a father working "in" my family.  I had to be very hands-on fixing, cleaning, making meals, etc.  But now as my children have gotten older, I’m learning that I must be a father working "on" my family.  It's a huge difference.  I have to pull away from the busy day-to-day stuff and take a big picture perspective of what I want my family and my children to become.  I’m a father discovering that I need a vision, a mission, and a strategy. 

It is my responsibility to have a vision for my family and my children, something created and ‘seen’ in my mind.  It’s a long term view of how I ‘see’ my family and children when I look into the future.  It’s who my family has become when I’m old and gray and drawing my last breath.  It’s what I want others to think about when my family is seen or mentioned in public.  And this vision is actually created twice.  First I create this vision in my mind, and then this vision is created in reality. 

Creating this vision in reality becomes my mission.  For example, I have a picture of the kind of man I want my 14 year old son to be.  I’m not saying that I’m choosing his life for him.  I don’t care whether he’s married at a young age or an old age or is a doctor, fireman, or a truck driver like my grandfather.  What I’m saying is that I have a vision of his character.  I have a vision of his happiness and satisfaction with where God has put him in this life.  My mission for him then becomes the means by which I will help him become that man.  It’s finding out what his goals and dreams are and teaching him and coaching him towards becoming what he desires to be.  Whereas my vision is the final result of what I hope he becomes, my mission is the daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly steps that must be taken for him to become that man.  My mission is simply my big vision broken down into smaller and smaller visions. 

Finally I have to have a strategy.  I have to be able to answer the question, “how am I going to get him there.”  It’s not enough to just say that I’m going to coach him along the way.  As his father, I must figure out what has to happen on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis for him to grow and become the man that God designed him to be.  I have to break down the different areas of his life into steps that he can take to lead him towards growth and maturity.  I have to implement these things every day in his life and be flexible enough to react when things have to change. 

Here’s the hard part.  With teenagers, I’m finding that you must not focus on the end result.  As a parent of a toddler, you are training them in a way that they will more quickly learn the lesson.  You teach them how to dress, how to eat, how to go to the bathroom, and how to obey.  But at some point as my children have gotten older, I’ve recognized that every action I take as a parent has to be put in the perspective of the vision I have for them.  Every day, my interactions with my son have to be handled with the “who I want him to become” vision in mind.  Every interaction has to be thought through under the context of “is this going to help him become that man or hurt him?”  As his parent, if I constantly measure him against the end result, all I will do is frustrate him and create resentment in his heart.  I must walk with him through the day-to-day ups and downs of life and be a teacher and coach.  I must not be a judge. 

So here is my challenge for you.  Have you thought about what your vision is for your children and your family?  How about a vision for your marriage?  Can you take that vision and define your mini-visions to create your mission?  And finally, what strategies are you going to use to live this out?

Blessings!