Here’s one of the first negative things people say when they find out you have a large family.  People are quick to point out how having so many kids is a mistake because there’s no way the kids can get enough one-on-one time with dad.  And on a surface level, they're right.  It would be impossible to give each one of my kids all the time that they ask for.  It would exhaust me. 

While it’s true that I don’t spend as much time with each one of them as they or I would like, setting boundaries with them is important for two reasons.  One, to keep me from getting worn out.  There’s only 24 hours in a day.  And two, my children have to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around them.

I think this is a valuable lesson.  In a world where parents make their children the center of the universe (read your typical bumper sticker), I think raising a self-reliant child helps him to learn to become more selfless and more giving. 

I say all this because I don’t want anyone to be confused by my previous post.  In case anyone reading it misunderstood, my point was not that we should give our children our time 24/7 whenever he says he needs it.  That would be setting our child up for failures in the future.  They won’t get and don’t deserve to have access to anyone 24/7.  (That’s what going to God in prayer is for.) 

It’s the attitude in our heart that’s critical when it comes to ministering to our children. 

I’ve recently spent some time with two fathers.  Both had bigger then average families.  One of the fathers is very concerned with the growth of his kids.  You can tell he cares about them and makes sure to equip them with things to help them learn.  He recognizes that his children are all different and is flexible with them.  He is firm but encouraging.  He will go out of his way to get them the best tools and technology if it means that his kids will grow and learn and mature and become more like Christ.  I admire him and the family he is building. 

I’ve known the other father a lot longer then the first.  Time has taught me that he treats his kids the opposite.  He says he loves having a large family, but he is very rigid with his children.  He has a “my way or the highway” attitude when relating to them.   I’ve watched him speak negatively about one of his kids to the other.  And I think what bothers me the most is that he will constantly bring up the ones who misbehaved that he had to correct.  Guilt and measuring up are his method of manipulating his children to get his desired result. 

I say all this because being a teacher, being a coach, being a leader in a home is much harder then I ever imagined.  My first instinct is to turn our home into an army base where my children have to follow orders.  But parents who are manipulating their kids into “measuring up” teach their kids that God’s love is conditional. 

That’s never a lesson I want them to learn.  Every day, I have to focus not on the quantity of time spent with my children but on the quality of my response to their real needs.  I have to learn to be more like the first dad and less like the second.