Mar. 3, 2007 - Not just for the dogs.
'Obedience training?'
Have you ever noticed that some people will put great effort and money into 'training' a pet, but our culture gives little value or attention to the ways in which we train our children? Some people find the very idea incredibly abbrassive. How dare I, after all, suggest we treat our children like animals!? My question is, really, how dare we treat our animals better than our kids?
This thought occured to me this week after a conversation I had with a few young people whom, for much of their lives have had others doing things for them. Most of their parents, by the worlds standards, are very succesful, but they have raised young adults who are just now maybe starting to realize how silly it is that some one else has been responsible for making their bed all of this time. That someone else has done their laundry and prepared all of their food.
Their parents were training them to be dependent, not independent. They have learned to come to hate work instead of learning the joy of a job well done and they have missed out on the fellowship that comes from working with others. The worst part of all of this is that the moms and dads have lost the heart of their children in the process. Deep down their kids know that they are primarily ornimental. How much better would it have been for them if they had been permitted to be contributing members of their family?
After watching TLC's story about The Duggar family for the first time some months ago, I remember coming across a forum where many people were agahst at 'how the children in the family had to work as they did.' They were very rude and made no effort to hide the fact that they thought the children being put to work was simply a reflection of the mother's laziness. Each day since then, that I have had to patiently (well mostly) redirect my children in performing some sort of basic household task, I think of those comments and about how wrong those people are in their assesment of what parental laziness is. Training children to become self-sufficient is one of the basic goals of parenting. How much easier would it be for me, everytime I walked past a pile that was suppose to be 'in' instead of 'on,' or 'next to,' it's stated destination, to myself pick it up and move it those extra inches? I could do it, but it would not produce anything positive in my kids. It takes discipline to go back and have a child complete a task until it is done well. It's time consuming teaching small children how things work instead of pushing them aside to entertain themselves while we do the 'important' things, but our kids ARE so worth it.
I am not suggesting that we make our children our slaves, or become so riggid and performance oriented that we misplace our joy, because kids are smart and they will see through this as well and will likewise, be pushed away. Mostly I just felt felt like encouraging everyone here. I wanted to shout "Hey, what you are doing is important.!" Our kids don't need us to be doctors, or lawyers, or proffessionals of any kind- they just need us to be moms and dads.
Comments
Mar. 4, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by cammiemelisabray
Kath...Asher looks like you in that photo....I am not sure why, because she usually looks exactly like Steve to me.?!
Mrs. Duggar, Lazy?! Oh, my....they should try having 16-17, kids. That is funny.
No, I am lazy! I do just want to do it and not take the time to train my children. It is hard. I takes patience, wisdom and commitment.
Just recently we visited a family who's children are older. We saw the fruit of training your kids to work. Their 16yr old daughter is light years ahead of where I was when I got married at 24.....What am I saying, she is light years ahead of me right now! Oh, how I wish I had been raised to know the value of hard work and had been given some basic skills! I had to teach myself and I believe that It has taken a little from our marriage. I desire to give my girls (and my son) a good start in this life and as many skills as I can. I want them to go into marriage with energy to focus on their spouse, not on learning to cook or clean.
Thanks for the encouragement and reminder.!
Mar. 4, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by skdenfeld
Ash may look like me in that photo because she's begging ; )
I know what you mean about how much easier things would be if you weren't having to learn as you go. Sometimes I am amazed at how many basic skills I am missing.
Mar. 5, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by mycrazylife
You took the words right out of my mouth! If I had a nickle for every time I have had this very conversation with people who usually don't get it, well, I might not be rich but I would certainly have a large pocketful of nickles.
Blessings,
Hallie
Mar. 5, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by justgottalaugh
Thanks for your comment on my blog. I love your page. Your children are beautiful. Keep training them (great picture) and keep encouraging the rest of us!
Mar. 6, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by PumpkinsMomma
Great post. It's true and frustrating to see so many parent's indulging their children and then being mad/confused when their teenagers rebel and don't respect their authority...
and from a mom who also tries to get her kids to do chores - sometimes it takes twice as long for me to help then do something then to do it myself. If I was truly lazy I'd do the task in 5 minutes and spend the next 15 goofing off instead of spending 20 minutes training and supervising!!!!
Marie