Mar. 31, 2007 - It's For Real.
I remember being told in my first pregnancy that morning sickness usually lets up in the second trimester. I have always been a bit of a cynic and won't lie by telling you that my first reaction to this notion wasn't dismissive. "Yeah right," I can still hear myself saying," Like I will hit the twelve-week mark and suddenly gravity will reverse itself and I will be able to pull myself off the couch. I will no longer be made to listen to my toddler niece chuckle and then attempt to immitate my 'sound-effects' everytime I begin gagging at her daiper change. When selecting a meal, I will no longer find myself (please excuse me here) giving more thought to how a food tastes coming up, than to how well it goes down!" In short, I was more than convinced that I was doomed.
Thankfuly for me (I know some of you out there are sick through-out your entire pregnancy-you poor, poor dears) and everyone living with me, something magical did seem to happen at that 12 week mark. I gladly exchanged my hyperactive sense of smell for my somewhat tattered sense of optimism. My husband did have gravity reversed, and suddenly all I wanted to do was eat.
The second trimester was good. I even decided to endure a couple more first trimesters knowing that the second trimester would eventually come around. I have been at this stage again, but am quickly approaching my exit, and realize now that I had forgotten some of the realities of late pregnancy. Since I may have already overstepped my bounds by offering too much information, I will spare you the details. I will confess to you however, that I'm really not having fun anymore. How did I forget this stuff is for real? I feel bad because already I don't want to do much of anything and at times I feel as if I simply can't do another thing. It's really that 'not-being-able-to-do-what- needs-to-be-done' thing that is getting to me. That and the constant elastic induced plumber's crack (sorry, I know I promised to spare you the details).
My daughter told me today that she does not remember what my belly looked like before it had a baby in it. She's sweet. I don't remember either. I do know that I didn't wear the exact same thing every day though. Still, I keep humming the tune to West Side Story. "I feel Pretty, oh so pretty.." because I do KNOW that pregnancy IS a beautiful thing, and a priviledge. I am lying about how I feel though.
If I had to diagnose it, I would say that panic is setting in. I have already birthed three babies, so I why am more uptight about giving birth to this one than I was with the other three combined? It's funny because I am not even the lady that screams at people in the delivery room. I am pretty calm. I just forget I have legs when they tell me to hang on to them. I did experience the impulse to kick my doctor in the face last time, I guess, but I managed to catch myself before I went through with it. I even have quick labors, so I know I have nothing to complain about . It just keeps pouring from my fingertips.
I think I just need to sleep. ...that and find something else to wear.
Then again, maybe I'll just go ask my husband if he's seen where I put my tattered sense of optimism. Surely he will know where to look.
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Comments
Apr. 1, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by cammiemelisabray
Just remember this all serves a bigger purpose and in the end you will forget all about the ails of this pregnancy as well. Because that little bundle of joy somehow has the amazing ability to take up every part of our mind....past present and future : )
Apr. 2, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by PumpkinsMomma
Hugs! I'm sorry you are uncomfortable! I don't remember how far along you are - I hope that your baby comes soon.
I was very sick during my pregnancies, but also have fast deliveries, at least the agony is pretty quick in that stage! I hope you are getting some good rest.
Marie
