• My human will never let me eat her pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.
• I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.
• I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.
• I must not help myself to Q-tips, and I must certainly not proceed to stuff them down the sink's drain.
• I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.
• I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)
• I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has finished watching The X-Files.
• I will not fish out my human's partial plate from the glass so that the dog can "wear" it and pretend to be my human. (It is somewhat unnerving to wake up, roll over in bed, and see the dog grinning at you with your own teeth.)
• I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
• I will not drag dirty socks up from the basement in the middle of the night, deposit them on the bed and yell at the top of my lungs so that my human can admire my "kill."
• I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.
• We will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over any humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.
• Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.
• I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.
• I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.
• I will not back up off the front porch and fall into the bushes just as my human is explaining to his girlfriend how graceful I am.
• I will not complain that my bottom is wet and that I am thirsty after sitting in my water bowl.
• I will not intrude on my human's candle-lit bubble bath and singe my bottom.
• I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
• If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
• It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it dissolves in boiling coffee.
• When I am chasing my tail and catch my back leg instead, I will not bite down on my foot. This hurts, and my scream scares my human.
• When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.
• Birds do not come from the bird feeder. I will not knock it down and try to open it up to get the birds out.
• I will not stuff my rather large self into the rather small bird feeder (with my tail hanging out one side) and expect the birds to just fly in.
• I will not teach the parrot to meow in a loud and raucous manner.
• The dog can see me coming when I stalk her. She can see me and will move out of the way when I pounce, letting me smash into floors and walls. That does not mean I should take it as a personal insult when my humans sit there and laugh.
• Yes, there are still two very large dogs in the backyard. There have been for several years. I don't have to act as if I've just discovered the Demon Horror of the Universe each time one of them appears in my window.
• I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
• When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.
• I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when she's on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.
• When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms are *not* a hammock.
• Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.
• I am a walking static generator. My human doesn't need my help installing a new board in her computer.
• I will not bring the city police to the front door by stepping on the speaker phone button and then the automatic 911 dial button.
• I will not speed dial the overseas numbers.
• I will not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing important emiognaioerp ga3qi4 taija3tgv aa35 a.
• Any critter that lives in the house (hamsters), stay in the house and any wild critters (frogs and earthworms) stay outside. I am not allowed to set the hamster free in exchange for finding a frog to put in the fish tank.
• I will not stalk the deer in the apple orchard next door. They have sharp hooves and could hurt me if they weren't laughing so hard.
• I will not watch the guinea pig constantly as the guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while.
• The goldfish likes living in water and should be allowed to remain in its bowl.
• I will not put a live mole in my food bowl and expect it to stay there until I get hungry.
• I will not eat spider plants and hallucinate behind the toilet.
• I will not drag the magnets (and the papers they are holding up) off of the refrigerator and then bat them underneath it so that they adhere to the underside.
• I will learn to relax at the vet's office so they will start writing things in my records like "Good Kitty" and "Sweet Kitty" instead of the stuff that's there now like "MEAN!!" "BITER!!!" and "GET HELP!!!!!"
• I will not be miffed at my human all day and then kiss her on the nose at 2:00 a.m. to tell her that she is forgiven and can now pet me.
• I will not scratch the children of lawyers, no matter how much they chase me or how hard they pull my tail.
• If I MUST claw my human, I will not do it in such a fashion that the scars resemble a botched suicide attempt.
• If I must give a present to my human's overnight guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a big live cockroach, even if it isn't as tasty.
• I will not soak my catnip toy in the water bowl to make tea. I will not get high and sit there drinking my tea and kneading the floor afterwards. I will not then get delusions of grandeur and make tea in the toilet bowl or the tub. And I will not try to make tea with used socks, dirty panties or hair scrunches when my humans take the catnip toy away from me.
• A warm pepperoni pizza is not a good place for a nap. 

• 1 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

I don't post anything very often,  but when I post something it's got to be good right?

It certainly is this time.

I was amazed at this. It's not the easiest read, especailly if you're like me-scientifically retarded, but try to pay attention. It's freaken awesome! It's a link to a recording of a scientists named Hugh Ross. It's a long lecture, but very worth hearing.

Here's the link:

http://www.cosmicfingerprints.com/audio/newevidence.htm

If you can't here anything, then you're just going to have to read it. But the recording is same thing.

I can't believe that I've never heard of this before. Indeed we are a privileged generation!

Enjoy!

• 1 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Thanks Lillian!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why do we ((sleep)) in [[church]],

But stay ((awake)) for a [[two hour movie]]?

Why is it so ((hard)) to talk about [[God]],

But so ((easy)) to [[gossip]]?

Why are we so ((bored)) when we look at a [[Christian magazine]],

But find it ((easy))  to read [[US weekly]]?

Why is it so easy to ((ignore)) a [[Godly]] facebook wall post,

Yet we ((repost)) the [[nasty]] ones?

Why are ((churches)) getting [[smaller]],

But ((bars and clubs)) are [[growing]]?

Think about it, are you going to repost this?

Would you have opened this is if it said "Read this in God's name"?

80% of you won't repost this.

• 1 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

1.  What is your favorite thing about Christmas?  Well, usually, it snows in Germany, but Not in Cali. So I guess I like the music and the decorations the most.

2.  In what room do you usually set up your Christmas tree?  The living room

3.  Do you have more than one Christmas tree in your home? sometimes we have more, but our house is too small this year.

4.  Do you have a Christmas village? not really... But, I lived in a village in Germany, and everyone always went all out on Christmas lights.

5.  What does your Christmas stocking look like? Its blue, and it has a big snow flake on it.

6.  What is your favorite ornament on your Christmas tree?  Hmmm.. I've never thought about it. But there is one that we got for my old dog, its really cute.. lol

7.  What was your favorite Christmas gift last year?  LOL, I can't remember, but probably all the millions of cd's I got.

8. What was your favorite Christmas gift this year? Umm, probably my puppy, Cocoa.

9.   Do you have any family traditions, if so, what are they?  not really, especially this year, since were in a new place and all.

10.  Do you dress up your pets for Christmas? nope, my puppy would strangle herself in whatever we dressed her up in.

11.  Do you hang up Christmas lights outside normally?   Normally, yes. But this year we just never got around to it, my dad was working a lot.

12. Who r you gonna tag?

• 1 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

 A science professor begins his school year with a lecture to the students, "Let me explain the problem science has with religion." The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"

"Yes sir," the student says.

"So you believe in God?"

"Absolutely."

"Is God good?"

"Sure! God's good."

"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"

"Yes."

"Are you good or evil?"

"The Bible says I'm evil."

The professor grins knowingly. "Aha! The Bible!" He considers for a moment. "Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?"

"Yes sir, I would."

"So you're good...!"

"I wouldn't say that."

"But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't."

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. "He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?"

The student remains silent.

"No, you can't, can you?" the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

"Let's start again, young fellow. Is God good?"

"Er...yes," the student says.

"Is Satan good?"

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. "No."

"Then where does Satan come from?"

The student falters. "From God"

"That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?"

"Yes, sir."

"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?"

"Yes."

"So who created evil?" The professor continued, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil."

Again, the student has no answer. "Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?"

The student squirms on his feet. "Yes."

"So who created them?"

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. "Who created them?" There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. "Tell me," he continues onto another student. "Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. "Yes, professor, I do."

The old man stops pacing. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?"

"No sir. I've never seen Him."

"Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?"

"No, sir, I have not."

"Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?"

"No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't."

"Yet you still believe in him?"

"Yes."

"According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?"

"Nothing," the student replies. "I only have my faith."

"Yes, faith," the professor repeats. "And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith."

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own. "Professor, is there such thing as heat?"

"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."

"And is there such a thing as cold?"

"Yes, son, there's cold too."

"No sir, there isn't."

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. "You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees."

"Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it."

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

"What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?"

"Yes," the professor replies without hesitation. "What is night if it isn't darkness?"

"You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word."

"In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?"

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. "So what point are you making, young man?"

"Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed."

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. "Flawed? Can you explain how?"

"You are working on the premise of duality," the student explains. "You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought."

"It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it."

"Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"

"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do."

"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

"Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?"

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.

"To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean."

The student looks around the room. "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?" The class breaks out into laughter.

"Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir."

"So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?"

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. "I guess you'll have to take them on faith."

"Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life," the student continues. "Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?"

Now uncertain, the professor responds, "Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

• 5 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

SOOO... I just realized.. (thank you Kate).. that I haven't posted anything in like.. FOREVER! But my life is pretty boring, so theres not much for me to say. Ok, the highlight of the month .. CO-OP IS OVER! YAY! its kinda disapointing though, I don't get to see everyone on Wednesday. But yeah, I had a lot of fun at NCCF too.. thanks Kate!

I honestly don't know what to tell you.. I'm a loser when it comes to exciting things..

• 1 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

• 11 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

So today.. I'm watching my brothers.. they don't like it when I refer to it as 'babysitting'... apparently they aren't babies.. Boy was I misled!  I was watching the most AWESOME MOVIE IN THE WORLD (at this moment..)(Tansformers)  when my brother comes up in front of the tv and is like.. 'I'm hungry..' ..,..I - being the loving sister that I am -  told him to make himself some lunch.. :D  But then hes like ' I wan't you to make it.. I don't know how to use the microwave...' so I'm like 'Ok! fine...' and I walk into the kitchen and heat up some spaghetti for him..
So then I'm starving after smelling the spaghetti.. So I heat myself some skhetti..

Meanwhile my other brother.. is playing this game.. and I had already told him to come and eat.. but he was like 'No I'm busy..' and I'm like 'No your not you can pause it!..'
So he gets up and makes himself some lunch..

So like I know my brothers are helpless.. being that they're guys...
but.. If I'm supposed to 'watch' them why won't they treat my like a 'watcher' ('cuz I'm not a babysitter.)?

• 7 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Within my heart a garden grows,

wild with violets and fragrant rose.

Bright daffodils line the narrow path;

My footsteps silent as I pass.

Sweet tulips nod their heads in rest.

I kneel in prayer to seek God's best.

For 'round my garden a fence stands firm

to guard my heart so I can learn

who should enter, and who should wait

on the other side of my locked gate.

I clasp the key around my neck,

and wonder if the time is yet.

If I unlocked my gate today,

would you enter?

Or run away?

• 7 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link