Feb. 7, 2008 -

Music is something that is very important to me, something that is close to my heart. I love music and for those of you who know me in real life, I sing and dance all day, everyday. I love any and all types of music, except rap ( I tried it.... it just wasn't for me). Depends on my mood what is in my ears. I roll around between pop, dance, heavy metal, country, alternative, gospel and hymns, folk music, you name it, fast, slow just whatever I am in the mood for. I have a collection that spans decades....literally.  When there is no music to sing along to....I just sing. Another thing about me....I know all the words to almost any song that I have ever heard. Even if I haven't heard it in years. I only have to listen to it a few times to get it down too. That is how you can tell I am truly happy, if I am singing when there is no music to sing with. I would like to say I have a good singing voice, not so awful on the ears as some. I mean I'm no Carrie Underwood, but I am a TOTAL karioke queen, lol. On the other hand, if I am sad, I can't listen to any music and I don't sing. I  can't say I love any one genre more than another. I have favorites from them all. There is a sound track to my life, songs played at certain moments. Summers gone by, remembered when I hear a song, love shared, sadness, moments in time, special or not, just moments. My Matthew is just like me, sings all day. He's not bad either. He has the same gift..... words and music. Nathan also loves music, his taste is a little heavier than mine, he's my rocker! The girls LOVE music, I don't know if they ever had anyone share it with them before on this level. They sing along and love karioke too. I have to say...Hannah Montana was great the first 4 billion times, but now? I can do with out it.

I got a really cool MP3 player for Christmas. DH spoils me so...it is the best! I already have over 200 songs on it. I listen to it everyday. My heart is full when I hear music, so my heart has been pretty over flowed lately! It is pink and I also got a new pink cell phone under the tree. I love both gifts, even though I am not a huge person for "things". I prefer experiences actually, but this has enhanced a few experiences already.

One thing I have noticed about all this MP3 and IPOD stuff is that music was once something to be shared and now it has become more personal, more intimate. Just you and the music inside your head phones, alone in your brain. I sort of like it, but then again, I like rattling around in my brain anyways. (eye roll)  I have caught myself a couple of times already not sharing music with the children, so I have to remember to put it on the CD player and share. I also had my first case of what I call IPODitis. When you have your headphones on, hair down and so no one can see you have them. You're listening to music and someone is calling your name. They get irritated when you take off the headphones after noticing them trying to get your attention and say "what?". Happened to me at Nathan's basketball practice the other night. MP3 and a good book? Nobody was interupting that, lol. But still....something to look out for.

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. Maya Angelou

Feb. 1, 2008 - Photos of our sunrise

It is a family tradition to go to the beach on New Year's morning and see the sun rise on the new year. This was especially important this year as we needed to leave negative behind and focus on good. This will be a rebuilding year for the girls as we are praying that we can give that sense of "forever" for them. We had most of BIGfamily with us that morning and my mom and dad also. My heart was so full. To have the ones you love surrounding you in such a magical moment  leaves me speechless. We are so blessed. I hope you enjoy them. Photography really is my passion. Every year I get a silhoutte of the boys in the sunrise. Experiences such as these are priceless to me.

 

Here are all 4 children playing in the surf at the break of day. Matthew and Kenzie are closer, Nathan in the water and Kendra with her umbrella rolling in the sand. It is a true reflection of their personalities as well. It is my favorite photo of that morning.

 

The girls with their umbrellas looking for the sun. It was a little rainy when we first got there.

 

Here is my favorite picture of the sunrise. The sky and the sea were moody early that morning, sort of like the year that had past, but once the sun rose.....it was a gorgeous day filled with memories.

And finally here we are...little family! What a morning, one I will not soon forget......

 

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. Maya Angelou

Jan. 30, 2008 - Valentine's Day is coming

Oh Valentines Day is coming. It is one of my favorite holidays. I just love the decorations and flowers. I know that it is just a commercialized version, but still......There is something to be said for telling the ones you love how much you care. You should do it everyday and any day you have the chance, but this day is special to me, I guess. I went to the DollarTree this morning and saw all there was to see. I bought the children their valentine cards. We got some stuff to decorate our tissue boxes with also.

I posted on our local homeschool board about the boys always being a little down this time of year. When they were in public school they always had lots of "friends" to swap valentine cards with. These were not true friends, just the kids in their class, but still. So not being able to have the party and give out the cards always makes them a little blue. I suggested on the post board a park afternoon on the 14th with a card exchange and party. The idea was a hit and we have one planned. Everyone is very excited. We got the cards today and will start filling them out next week.  We also bought the plates, cups, napkins, all with hearts of course. I think there will be quite a few families out at the park. The boys have been much more chipper about it and they have some great friends to share with. Some yummy sweet treats won't hurt either!

 

 

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. Maya Angelou

Jan. 28, 2008 -

Yesterday was one of those days that goes down in the memory books. We went up to our farm with BIGfamily and played all afternoon. We put a new roof on the old farm house over the last couple of weeks, so there was a ton of debris. Old shingles and wood. We had a dumpster dropped off on Friday and went to town. It was beautiful outside. About 67 degrees, sunny, breezy. The big boys worked on getting everything in the dumpster. They didn't finish,but there is more time left on the dumpster rental,so no worries. The little ones played on the giant dirt pile and got SO dirty!  We raked and made a big leaf/stick pile. We brought our grill up there and had hamburgers and hot dogs, potato salad and chips. Even soda! Outside eating around the fire DH started. It was the best. The children were dirty and happy, tired from playing so hard. It was wonderful to bring them home and put them in a warm bath, then straight to bed. They slept like rocks, in bed a full hour early. DH and I hung out and watched a movie, NO KIDS!! We were in bed and asleep by 11pm.

It was a day that didn't cost alot of money. No disney or shopping spree, but I know my kids will remember that one for a long time. It was like magic. Watching them work and play so hard. They were so hungry from all the country air. They were so happy and the grownups were too. Some days....you want to put in a bottle and save. This was one of them.

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. Maya Angelou

Jan. 23, 2008 - Scattergories tag!

Scattergories is one of my favorite games! I have always loved it. So here goes! I am going to do "W" since my last name starts with it and also I think it will be more fun than "C". Everyone seems to be doing "C" anyway. Something different!

What is your name?  Last name starts with "W"
4 letter word: Will ~ as in free will
Vehicle: Wagon
City: Walla Walla, Washington
Boys name:  Wyatt, William
Girls name:  Willow, Wednesday
Movie: War of the Worlds
Occupation: Window Washer
Something you wear: Winter coat (we don't wear these in Florida!) Wool socks
Celebrity: Mark Wahlberg
Food: Wheat bread
Something found in a kitchen: Window
Something found in a bathroom: Washcloth
Reason for being late: Weather
Cartoon character: Wile E. Coyote
Something you shout: WATCH OUT!! 
Animal:   Walrus
Body part: Wing? for a bird...this is a body part
Word to describe you: Wicked, Weird, Warped, Wild, Wacky

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. Maya Angelou

Jan. 23, 2008 - More good news!!

There was a court hearing on our case yesterday in front of the judge. He ordered a half day of testimony on our case, a limited witness list and NO parental visitation as of yet scheduled for February. We are very pleased and encouraged by this ruling. The testimony is on February 13th, a Wednesday. We won't get a decision on that day. It may come soon after or not so soon. Either way we are ready.

The boys and I are moving through this week nicely. I am going to attend a workshop tomorrow about making your child a better writer with Kim. (smile) The boys are going to be hanging w/ their dad and brother all morning. I will enjoy the time with my friend and also learning something new. Our focus for Matthew this year has been his writing so I am hoping that this workshop will be just what we need to get us to the next level as teacher and student.

Kim and I are working on getting her driver's license. She has never had one. I have been driving since I was 15. She took her road test yesterday and I was so proud of her. She did not pass, but she did go and take it. It was the first time she had taken the test in 13 years. I wanted her to do it so she would know what to expect and break that fear of going. She did well, but just not quite enough. The instructor told her to go home, practice a little more and then come back and pass it next time. She has only been driving for about a month. It has been a long time since anyone made her do it.  I was so proud of her just for going out there...... having the courage to fail and then to try again. She will be so free when she can drive herself and not have to wait or ask for a ride. I want her to know what that is like, to be able to rely on yourself, so I am pushing her. I am like that.... "pushy". (lol) She has come so far already and like I said I was proud of her for just being brave.

DH's son is staying for  an extra couple of weeks, so they will be getting a TON of projects done. I am so excited to be starting off the new year with a jump start. Maybe we can rest a little easier the rest of the year.....( Man, who am I kidding?) For those of you that know us in real life, we never stop. I have big plans for our home this year, but we shall see......time and money hinder all things.

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. Maya Angelou

Jan. 20, 2008 -

Our trip on Friday was wonderful!! We had such a great time with all our friends, just catching up and being out of the house away from the phones was uplifting. My cell phone did ring quite a few times, but nothing to sweat over. We were all trying to get coordinated for the birth parent visitation on Saturday. We are having a transporter come and pick up the girls. No more drives to Tampa.....but I digress.....I have decided to stop complaining about everything and just go with the plan. I really feel better about everything when I do that.  I need a happy me, so do my children and  DH.

Saturday, Nathan had his first basketball from Upward. It is a church/faith based basketball and cheering. Kendra is cheering and missed her first game( due to the visit), but she can cheer next week, if all goes as planned on our part. Nathan made a basket, he was so proud of himself. DH and his big brother Bobby from Maine came to the game too and saw it. It made his whole day! They don't keep score, so it is all just a fun thing. Some of BIGfamily was there. We were down a few members (sigh) but there are lots of other games. My parents went also and got it on video, even Na's basket! We cheered in the stands like fools and had a great time.  After we went out for pizza. Then we came home and played football in the yard, BIGfamily style.

I have planned the week coming up jampacked with learning. We are like busy little bees, buzzing with joy.  If we can get through this year of homeschooling with out giving up......I think we can make it all the way through til the end. I know that every year will be different, some harder than others. This so far has been a tough one. However, (smile) I still have that renewed energy for it. I have been collecting things for our scrapbook and been making strides to get my paperwork in order.

On the home front things are better. The house is cleaner (still not perfect or where I like it to be), the children are still somewhat happy despite their new chore list. We have been eating nice meals with a vegetable and everything!! I still have moments of stress-ed-ness and crazy, but they are not so much. We are settling down some....finally.

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. Maya Angelou

Jan. 17, 2008 - Ah...Tagged !

I guess if you read this tag you are supposed to do it, but I will spare you if you so choose to pass. I thought it was fun, but.....

Name: Cyndiegirl

Age: 35

B-day: October 5th

# of siblings: 1 brother, HEY MIKE!

# of pets: 1 Toby the 8lb Dog, our fish died.

State you live in:  I move back and forth between Zen and Crazy. They like me in both places LOL

Fav thing to say online: SNARKY - it is a big family word that means snippy, snappy, grumpy, tired, picky

Fav smiles: The clapping hands one.

Fav animal: If I don't say TOBY,  he will cry, he is my baby

Fav person: BIG FAMILY   LOL

Fav place: My bedroom it is the kid free zone

Where do you wish you lived: I'm so happy right here I don't want to leave, but if I win the lottery, I would move to the 185 acre horse farm complete w/ mansion that is right next door to me.

What animal do you wish you had: I have Toby, that is just right!

Where do you wish you lived: See above

Cat or horse: If I don't have to take care of it? Horse  If I do? Cat

Cat or dog: Dog 8lbs is good

Chewaw dog or persian cat: No thanks, I have a Toby dog.

Braces or dentures: I don't have either yet

Classical music or country: Any music for me I love it all

Rubber or steal: Steel? yes, steel, it recycles better

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. Maya Angelou

Jan. 16, 2008 - For Real??

A blog entry about homeschooling? We are rapidly rolling through our second week of renewed energy. We are just steamrolling along. Nathan is already experiencing some improvement with the fluency of his reading. I am pleased. Matthew is flying with fractions and it seems easy for him.

I have had the oppurtunity to peek at some algebra text books over the last couple of days helping our very good friends' children with their homework.  I feel better about the dreaded algebra. Somehow I just didn't think I got it in high school, but looking at it now.....I don't feel so intimidated. I think Matthew will be ready to start it in the fall, possibly late summer.  The best part is, I think I will be able to teach him. I am walking a little taller today! ( She says as she huffs on her fingernails and rubs them on her shirt with a sly smile) That was a big concern for me actually. I am so glad I got the oppurtunity to help them, because it let me know that not only could I do it. I can teach it! ( smile) We are really looking forward to Friday because we have a meeting with our homeschool social group at the big library. After we are going for a picnic lunch in the park. It should be a fun day catching up with all our friends. We haven't been to anything in a long time. I need to remember my camera.

Yesterday, Kim came over and helped me with some of the deep cleaning that had been left undone since the girls came. It was such a relief. I started the boys off with some activities that they could work independently on and then we got cracking. It was great and the grout on my kitchen floor hasn't looked that clean in months! I feel renewed and refreshed. Then we went over to her house and did the basics after school. I am so thankful to have a friend. I haven't had one in many years.

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. Maya Angelou

Jan. 14, 2008 - The willow tree

I stood as the willow tree beside the waters and for now I feel as if I have weathered the storm. I have entered a period of peacefulness in my heart. I bent with the winds and now am stronger. I know there is more to come, but the image of the willow tree carries me. I know that may sound silly but you probably don't know how many times I have recited that scripture over and over to soothe my aching heart. Seen the image in my mind the willow strong and bending beside the water. It has carried me through a dark time.

I have to drop the girls off to the transporter tomorrow at 7am for a long trip to Tampa and a longer day of psychological evaluations and then a trip home. I will not be with them. They will be with strangers the whole day.  The "before me" would have been insane with worry and crazy with fear, but now I fear not. There is a plan. There is a purpose to all this. There is a road that must be traveled here and I am not sure of the destination. I just have to trust. I have to know that the plan is in motion and has been long before I even knew there was a plan. Too many things have happened, fell into place, people met, paths crossed, love exchanged, trust built, purpose questioned, for there not to be a plan for these girls. They were meant to be here at this moment in time. Are they meant to stay? I have done everything in my power to make sure they can. Anyone can see that. Now we have to trust. That is one of the hardest lessons I have to learn in my life. Trusting in the plan. DH and I have spoken for hours over and over about what to do and then......it boiled down to trust in what is to happen. All this craziness has to have a purpose and it will be revealed in the end. That....I can trust in.

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. Maya Angelou

Jan. 11, 2008 -

I am sooo happy to report that homeschooling is back on track!! Oh My ! What a great feeling to be learning again. We are going to have to do a few Saturday afternoons I think, but I am just thrilled with the first week. We are putting together our Leadership Perspectives project that we have been working on instead of Social Studies. We just had some loose sheets of paper w/ ideas jotted down, but now we are making it so much more concrete. It is a great feeling. I have alot of hope for our evaluations in the spring.

Nathan has been working on his times tables and even w/ taking a FULL 3 weeks off during Dec/Jan he showed progress on his verbal challenge ( I hate the word test)  this morning. His last challenge was in November.  I am so pleased with his progress. Spelling continues to be a real bummer for him. He just can't do it. I don't know why......he reads right about at grade level (2 for public school). We will stay at it. I guess it doesn't matter if he learns when he is 8 or 12 or even 14 as long as he does. I keep praying that the "lightbulb will come on" for him. So far.....nothing. His attention span is not great, but it never was, so we remain the same there. Being an effective teacher for Nathan will require patience and perserverance, both for him and for me.

Matthew started fractions this week. I borrowed a public school text book from Kim and we forged ahead. I never did fractions with him because I hate them. It is not a worry as he seems to be picking it up pretty well on his own. I think I would consider his math level advanced, I remember doing some of the math he does now in about the 8th grade. We even did a pre-algebra unit that he whipped through. There may be some things in public school that are taught differently or that I plain left out. Some of it is nonsense in my opinion and that "new math" uuuuhhhh, NOT. I teach math the way my dad taught me at the kitchen table where I spent many a night in tears, because I just didn't get it. I don't remember how they taught it at school, but I never got it until he explained it to me in plain english.  Simple. I am just not wired for math. So being an effective teacher for Matthew will require me to teach him to learn on his own. He has come so far already.

Hey out there.....wish me luck trying to get the boys to do  learning on a Saturday!!! Hehehehehe

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. Maya Angelou

Jan. 4, 2008 - Happy 10th Birthday Matthew!

Today is Matthew's 10th birthday! I can't believe it was 10 years ago that he came into my life. My first child, born premie at 35 weeks....still 6lbs 12oz. Now? He stands up to my eyebrows, voice a little deeper....just a little. Eyes still so blue, quick smile even if he is one of the more serious children I have ever met. He still doesn't like to be touched by people he doesn't know well.....very well, just a quirk of his that he has had since he was a baby. That is how you know that Matthew truly loves you, when he is first to hug. He is getting a dry sense of humor like mine, whitty and just slightly sarcastic. He cracks me up daily.

DH made his favorite breakfast for him this morning. Then we went to Steak n Shake for lunch (Matthew's favorite place). We had Tacos and cake for supper with BIG FAMILY including my mom and dad. We love it when everyone gets together. My DH's son is here visiting for 3 weeks along with his friend from high school Billy, so they joined us and made it REALLY big family. We had a great night and Matthew got some nice presents from everyone. His favorite was the army/navy back pack from Uncle Mike.

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. Maya Angelou

Jan. 3, 2008 - Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to all !! We are so glad to get into this new year and begin anew. We went  to Ormond Beach new year's morning to see the sun rise. Big family ( including my mother and father) got up at 4:30am to make the drive.  It was 60 degrees, beautiful. The children chased the surf and laughed as the sun came up. It was glorious. I got some great pictures. After we went to breakfast and then drove around the state exploring for the rest of the day. It was a restful day full of wonderful memories. We are between courts and visits and nonsense. It is peaceful....for now. I am so thankful for this time.

We are back to school today. The boys and I are going to sit down today and make a learning plan for the rest of the year. Tomorrow we will gather our materials and get ready. Monday......formal learning will begin again. I am thankful for that as well.

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. Maya Angelou

Dec. 17, 2007 - Update

The girls have returned from another visit, safe and sound, physically that is. Mentally? They are still sleeping in our room everynight on our little white couch that is at the end of our bed. They are having night mares every night, crying, emotionally fragile. We are trying to make lemonade out of the lemons handed down. I am hoping that things will be looking up as our Dec 21st court date approaches. I remain the willow tree.

A source of light for our family. Our very good friends, the Lindsey's made their big move over the weekend and got unpacked. We are so blessed to have them so close. Only 4 miles away.  Having someone to lean on that has been in this for so long will be such a comfort. They have lived this w/ these girls for three years, longer with the girls' brothers. We have sat and talked for hours over all the little details. They know.....they have been there. It was a wonderful weekend as the children helped each other unpack, visited, ate and played outside together. They have all evolved this natural flow, it is a magical relationship that has grown ever closer in our year together.  It makes me smile to watch them on the couch when they are watching TV. They are like a pile of puppies, all laying on one another, snuggled close.

Kendra has coined the newest phrase in our circle "BIG FAMILY" That is what she calls it when we are all together. "I have big family now" she says. Her crooked smile, crinkled nose, glasses needing to be pushed up, so cute. When we are apart, she calls us the little family, which we all chuckle over since we still have 4 kids. She continues to humble me every day, make me smile, laugh, cry, frustrates me. I am so in love with her and her sister.....that is the part that kills me. I want to be fierce like the wolf and bite anyone who comes near to hurt them, but the willow is safer.

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. Maya Angelou

Dec. 11, 2007 -

The girls returned from their visit on time and physically safe. Mentally a little shaky. Nightmares and fragile emotions. We managed to salvage Sunday. Kenzie's preschool Christmas program went great. They sang This Little Light of Mine. She was a vision in her Christmas dress, ribbons in her hair. Kendra looked so grown up with her hair in a bun, ribbons. She wore flipflops with the dress, too fragile to put on her new dress shoes. They felt "wierd". She cried and I didnt push. And then all the emotion came out all at once, sitting on the floor in a puddle of green satin, black velvet and tears. It just set her off. There have been issues since the visit with big emotions. We are dealing with them one at a time.  Kenzie is up every night with bad dreams. It has been tough on her. Yesterday I went to pick her up early from preschool and she thought a social worker was coming to take her away. Breaks my heart......

I keep hearing how tough this must be for me, but I can't even think about myself. I don't understand how anyone living this would say "Poor ME" I shake my head to think of all these little girls have been through and I can't think of anything else. Fight.....that is what I want to do. What we have been doing all along. I want someone to listen to us. Not just hear, listen. Understand. I want to shout. I have questions unanswered. Everyone that is familiar with our case just looks at the floor and shakes their heads when we ask "What is going on?" Even they don't know. No one has ever seen anything like it. Such a raw deal for the girls. They have NO rights, because the guardian ad litem recommends things and the judge goes against them. The guardian objects, he doesn't care. I remain the willow tree as we approach the Saturday visit for this week.

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. Maya Angelou

Dec. 8, 2007 - Willow Tree

I pray about the willow tree this week. We had court on Thursday and it went so badly. Short of giving the girls back to the birth parents, everything went horribly wrong. The birth parents get the next 2 Saturdays, visits for 8 HOURS!! The girls guardian ad litem is supervising 4 out of the 8, but in the other 4 I know the psychological abuse these girls will be put through. I just can't stand the fact that the judge gave the birth parents all sorts of "considerations and allowances". He has even granted them a new Termination of Parental Rights Trial to begin in February. Their last trial was in March of 2007, the previous one was in December of 2006 (that one was a mistrial). New evidence will be presented, I just don't understand how that judge can sleep at night, knowing that these girls are so unsure of their place in life. I learned a powerful lesson on Thursday. The State of Florida has no consideration for children at all. He went against EVERY recommendation including a psych eval that he ordered which said ANY further contact w/ the birth parents would be HARMFUL to the girls and to stop ALL visitation NOW. The judge said "oh, it can't possibly be that bad." and dismissed the report. When the guardian ad litem stood up to object strongly about these visits that were ordered, the judge said, "noted" that was it.

My verse of comfort is Ezekiel 17:5  He took also the seed of the land, and planted it in a fruitful field, He placed it by great waters, and set it as the willow tree.

If you look beyond the actual words you can take it farther. I see the seed of the land as our children and the fruitful field to be our family. The great waters are the inner stregnth we have to draw from, the power of our love and the willow tree. I have always thought that willow trees were so beautiful, strong. They bend in the storm and do not break. They shelter with the hanging branches, so I pray to be the willow tree. To bend and shelter. Please I want to be the willow tree. This is so hard, I don't know what the plan is, but at this time, I just think that being a willow tree is best.

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. Maya Angelou

Dec. 3, 2007 - Saying Thanks

I just want to take a moment and say thanks to all that commented. I have had a tough time as of late w/ everything. This morning, just as I thought I was going to break like a rubber band pulled too hard, some more got piled on. I can't get the social worker to return my call, we hear from the birth mother, there may be court for our case this week, but we don't know. Her lawyers are trying to get the case re-opened and start a new case plan. That will take another year out of everyone's life. There are personal things going on also. My heart will be broken if we get a new case plan and Kendra has to live in limbo for another year. We all will.

School went a little better last week. We are planning to attend Science Saturdays all this month, so throw in a little reading and that will be an extra day of school for each week. DH and I sat down and had a long talk about everything. For those of you who know DH in real life, he never sugar coats anything he has to say, he just tells it like it is. He told me it is not so bad, fixable (one of my favorite words). Just need to refocus. We put the portfolios together w/ the work they had done and it showed progress. They have actually done well considering. We talked about all the life lessons we had taught them. Things they dont' teach in a book. Lessons that don't fit in the little boxes to be checked off. Compassion, compromise, sharing, hard work, how family pulls together when the chips are down among many. Having the girls here has made the bond between brothers that much stronger. This has been a hard year since May. Alot has happened in a short time. We just need to focus on what is good and move on.

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. Maya Angelou

Nov. 26, 2007 - Out of sorts

I haven't had much time for blogging lately. Also I hate to whine on here. There have been struggles to deal w/ and I have been in much contemplation over it all. I feel like the whining just makes it worse. I am trying to remain thankful in all things although most have my plans have been for naught. Not being able to homeschool the girls has been a bit of a blow. Having to get up and out every morning is not fun. Kendra came home over the Thanksgiving break w/ head lice. Just one of the many things I do not miss about public school. The morning struggle w/ Kendra is not easy. She gets sent back to bed almost every morning, because something isn't right and she breaks down in tears. Kenzie has started preschool and now has a really bad case of "kennel cough". That is what I call that dry nasty cough that all preschoolers seem to get in the winter when the heat comes on. I have to call the dr. and make an appt today. I don't think it will go away, but at least I took her.

Our homeschooling year is pretty much in the toilet. Some days I wonder if the boys would be better off in school. At least they would be having some sort of structured learning everyday. Seems like between the rental business, the girls and everything else we are just floundering this year. We aren't doing our trips or the homeschoolers social group at all. The scrapbook for this year is pretty much empty, which is killing me. We are not living up to last year at all. It is hurting me. My inspiration is pretty much lost. I know I have to refocus, but I am truly struggling. Most days we start strong, but then inturruptions come and the day is lost. The boys have gotten so lazy about school. I feel like I am failing them.

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. Maya Angelou

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