The measure of a man's real character is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out.  Lord McCaulay

 

Oohh... this chapter has some really good thoughts to ponder!

 

"If it is a character problem, we are wasting time and effort if we cut at the fruit, but do not pull up the root."

 

"If a child is displaying weak character when he is not yet ten, those problems will not just go away when he becomes an adolescent.  Typically, adolescence is a time of harvest, producing bumper crops of either good fruit or bad."

 

...on nipping 'weeds' in the bud...

"But we do so gently, and one at a time, until our children are trained to pluck their own weeds, and to judge themselves with right judgment."

 

"However, sometimes when I am dealing with my children's character weaknesses, I find myself overreacting to him.  I then find that praying is the last thing that I feel like doing!  When I get "liek that," it is always a red-flag warning for me that there is another issue (in my own life or attitude) that I must deal with first, if I am to successfully help my child."

 

Oohhh.... :smack:

"What makes things even more difficult is then recognizing that I am reacting to a character weakness in my child that is also in my own life."  ouch.

 

"We tend to react more harshly toward those who have our particular weaknesses, and once we judge them, it is more difficult for us to become free."

 

"Truth and principles never change, but rules may.  We want to teach our children how to live by principles."  This same thought is the thought that is behind how we train our children.  We don't have a lot of 'rules' for them to follow, we just train them to obey us.  Rules may come and go and change, but obedience never does.  I love making that connection!!

 

"It is not character which tolerates disrespectful words of attitudes in our children; it is weakness."  Boy, haven't you seen a mom or two in WalMart you'd like to share that with?!

 

Oh, this is priceless!!  "Our child also needs to understand his inability to change his own heart.  If he has already received Jesus Christ as his Savior, then we can remind him that just as he asked for mercy to be saved, so he can also cry out for mercy to be comformed to the image of God's Son."

 

On The Importance of Forgiveness...  "The moment we nurse an offense, we check ourselves into a prision of expectations, hurts and unforgiveness."

 

A final thought from Mardy:  "It is so important to identify the root of a problem in our children.  We had to be willing to call sins by their proper names, such as ungratefullness or discontentment, instead of excusing them as being "fussy" or "whiny".  And I have often missed an opportunity to gently lead our children through an open door of forgiveness, because I excused a wrong attitude as "waking up on the wrong side of the bed," or as "just having a bad day," instead of gently prodding for an undetected offense or problem."

 

Wow!  Did any of that smack you in the head like it did me? 

 

Thank you Lord for giving Mardy such insight and wisdom and thank you Mardy for your willingness to share it with us.

"If character is the foundation of true education, then the heart is the foundation of true character."

 

"The heart is the soil on which the foundation of true character is laid."

 

"Lasting positive influence rarely takes place, especially in the areas of values and faith, in an environment of a strained relationship, or where there is little or no respect."

 

Oohh... How true this is!

"If we turn a blind eye when our children cheat in a game, exaggerate facts, take more than their share, or blame others for their conflicts, we build our homes around their sin."

 

"How wise if we teach our children first how to benefit when they are wronged.  We can encourage them in faith, and help them to see that God is bigger than whatever trials may come, and that He is often more interested in their responses to their trials than in their vindication or reward.  Children should benefit from their trials, just as we adults are supposed to.  They can be taught discretion, in learning when to speak up for a cause, and when to be silent.  They can began to cry out to the Lord first when they are wronged, or grow in patience and mercy and forgiveness."

 

"It is only right that we win the hearts of those for whom we have primary responsibiity, before we take on the responsibilies of other men's hearts for the Lord.  We actually earn the right to fish for other men's hearts by our obedience to fish first for hearts within our own families."

 

"Winning a child's heart is keeping a oneness of fellowship and understanding between us, without compromising God's standards."

 

"When we make a mistake, when we overcorrect, when we offend, the fastest way to regain credibility and solid ground in their hearts again is to quickly admit it."

 

"Admitting our faults to ur children not only keeps walls from going up between their hearts and us, it teaches them by example how to admit their own faults."

 

"it can be difficult for children to trust God with their lives, when they were unable to trust their parents with their hearts."

 

"A child's heart cannon be truly won in there is not respect for theone who seeks to win it."

 

"It is earned by the ways in which we live our lives, and by the ways in which we interact with them, with kindness and patience and respect."

 

Mardy also notes that "giving instruction softly and privately" is a way to build respect.  Good point!

 

In the section titled Learn to Listen, Mardy says "I have since learned that the "art of listening" involves hearing through the words to attitudes and needs."

 

"Listening is where real living takes place, where feelings are shared, hearts are opened up, lives bond, courses are changes, and maybe even history is made.  Listening to our children is something that should take precedence over our school planner.  It is so important to listen to our children."

 

"If we can shift our mental position from confrontation to a position of coming alongside to instruct, direct and support, the end result will be less conflicts and ultimatums."

 

"Taking the position that we are on the same path, and that we have felt the same feelings, made the same mistakes (and even made worse mistakes), does not diminish our authority as parents -- it gives us credibilty."

 

"Our children need to hear (over and over) that they are very special to God, very special to us, and a very special part of a bigger picture."

 

A final closing thought...

"The struggle to win their hearts is with our own nature, and with their nature, and with the influences of our self-centered culture, and sometimes with self-centered doctrines that teach that God owes us all lives full of happiness, free of suffereing and consequences, or many other things we each individually battle."

 

Wow!  Wasn't that good stuff?!  On to Chapter 3!!!

 

 

 

Revelations:
*You can't teach patience by *yelling* to your child, "Will you PLEASE be patient?!"

* "We cannot teach children contentment -- if we complain when the car breaks down, or that the vacation must be canceled."

* "It is nearly impossible to instill respect for authority -- if we break speed limit laws to get them to the band concert on time."

* "We cannot expect children to learn forgiveness -- if we hold grudges against others."

More quotes that jumped out and yelled at *me*:

* "To decide that character will be first in our child's life is to decide that it will be first in our own." -ouch-

* "The Shepherd loves to call His sheep to quiet, lonely paths, to learn how to hear and follow His voice." This is in reference to what Mardy calls 'the Baaah factor'--how easy it is for us to follow along with what all the other 'good homeschoolers' are doing...

* "If we focus on character as the foundation, each child can blossom according to his own timetable, and in his own unique way, and we can more easily help that child find the right path." Wow. Doesn't this just make so much sense?

* There's a section titled "Big Heads/Small Hearts" and it's really full of good stuff! Here are a few more quotes:

* "It is always better for a child's character to be growing at a faster rate than his other talents, whether academic, sports, musical, physical or otherwise. When a child excels in any area other than character first, he can be tempted to believe that he is more gifted, more talented, more deserving that others who are less accomplished than himself. He tends to grow a big head (he knows a lot or can do a lot) and a small heart (he focuses primarily on himself, with little or no concern for the needs of those around him)."

* "Pride can be very subtle, but it is very serious, because when we tolerate, or even entertain it, we actually cut ourselves off from God's grace." (God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. James 4:6, 1 Peter 5:5) I never thought about it that way.

* "Character reminds them that true learning is not just what they know -- it is what they do with what they know."

*Oohhh.... and this one is really good! Listen to this:
"To be smart is to know the right answer; to be wise is to know when to speak, and when to remain silent. To be smart is to score high marks and perhaps receive admiration and awards; to be wise is to do one's very best, even when it is not possible to win. Smartness is an asset, but without wisdom, it quickly erodes into a liability." Now, I think that one applies to *everyone*, maybe especially ME! -ouch, Mardy, ouch-

*A few concluding thoughts:
"To decide on character means that we compare ourselves (or our children) not to others, but to God's standards, whereby our weaknesses and failures point out our need of a Savior, and our strengths and talents are recognized as gifts."

* "...if we can help them to grow up with strong character, they will most likely be the best that they can be in whatever they do. What they do will not matter as much as who they are -- and who they are will help guide them to make the best choices in what they do.

(Mardy spends much of this chapter discussing how teaching Character relates to academics and evaluations and she shares her thoughts on the importance of selecting an evaluator who is 'on the same page' and recognizes the value of teaching Character.)

Very good stuff!

Children of Character

by Bill and Mardy Freeman

Mardy recently spoke to our homeschool support group, BridgeBuilders of Marianna. She is a very open person and shared not only her successes but also her struggles of parenting. She and her husband have written several books on Character, the first of which is Children of Character. You can read more about the Freemans and their ministry at http://www.thefreemans.org.

I've been reading through this book and thought it would be good for me (and maybe you?) if I sorta 'blogged' my way through the book. It helps me to 'cement' what I read when I write about it and this books is SO good I wanted to share some tidbits with you. If you'd like to purchase the book you can do so at the above website.