At your best, you are: straight shooting, ambitious, and energetic
At your worst, you are: anxious and high strung
You drink coffee when: anytime you're not sleeping
Your caffeine addiction level: high
I've been thinking a lot lately about the things I've gleaned from www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com. More specifically about how I can have this wealth of knowledge available to me, much of it stored in my head, the rest easily accessable, and yet still fail to apply much of it day after day after failing day.
I was rereading the "Before You Start" page again today, and got to lingering over this phrase-
"Your goal should be godly children.That means training their hearts to think like God thinks and their bodies to do what God would do."
I got to thinking, well sure, that's my goal. Now how do I get there? How do I get there? Me? Myself? and I? Wow, I just get so convicted at times- it's a good thing, I know, but it's hard to go through. I got to thinking about the obvious- I cannot raise godly children if I am not striving to be a godly mother. And that means more than just thinking about being a godly mother. Striving is work. Hard work. And that's just what it takes to be a godly mother- hard work.
Unfortunately for me, I'm not accustomed to hard work. It goes against my nature. My sinful, self-centered nature. And well, I just got to thinking that maybe it's time for another decision, or resolution, if you will- I am hereby resolving to do better, to try harder, to strive more, to put action to all the 'right' things I know to do, but have not been faithful in doing. I've let too many things slide. I've become too inconsistent in too many areas to list, and I've been doing a lot of thinking about improving... but thinking about, even meditating on, is a far cry short of striving to do...
My goal is to raise godly children, and my goal is to BE a godly mother. I've realized (yet again) the importance of getting into the Word- the Bible, and my thinking about that has changed just a bit. I sat down to read the other day, thinking I would just read the proverb for the day as I figured I would only have a minute or two before all my children woke up. I sometimes do just that- and only that- sometimes that's all I squeeze in a day. Proverbs is my favorite book- so much wisdom- and I need wisdom.
I got to thinking about how even my Bible reading had become self-centered... it was all about me. I wanted to glean something from Proverbs to help me to be a better person, a better wife, a better mother- and I am not saying that there is anything wrong with that, not at all, those are all very good reasons to be reading Proverbs. But what I realized is that I had left off some time ago reading the Bible to get to know my Lord better, and that's what I needed to change. I still spend a lot of time in Proverbs, but I also started back at the beginning of the New Testament to spend some time going through all the stories of Jesus and His time here on earth- yes, I've read them all before- and I hope to read them all again, and again, and again. And also the great and marvelous works of God in the Old Testament. There is just so much there- I know you all know that. I'm just seeing it in a different way this week- a way I hope to keep in mind, perhaps that's why I felt compelled to write about it.
You're probably all better at all this than me (preaching to the choir...) but if your Bible reading has grown cold, for one reason or another, I would encourage you to go at it again with new direction. Start reading the Bible to get to know your Lord and Saviour- I believe it's the only way we can know how to think like God and how to know what He would do, and only then can we hope to teach that to our children!
One of my favorite
things about homeschoolblogger.com is the wealth of resource
recommendations coming from real families, real mothers, actually using
what they're writing about. And one of my favorite recent finds
is the concept of "Tomatoe Staking". I'd seen the term here and
there and finally became curious enough to invest the time in checking
out the website- www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com
Oh, what a blessing it has been. I had been
searching for some months for a little more insight, a little more
direction, a little more direct teaching about parenting- not just any
parenting- godly parenting with the intention of raising godly children
into godly young adults. We have 5
children, so far, with another due in about ten weeks. By the
standards of many (dare I say most) people out there, my children are
extremely well behaved. But the standards of many (most) people
are far below God's standards. Obviously, I see so much more of
my children than anyone else on this earth. I see their
impatience, their ingratitude at times, their lack of diligence and
thoroughness, their laziness, and a myriad of other less than perfect
qualities that are not generally on display for public viewing when
we're out and about. I thank the Lord
for each and every one of my children, so please don't take this
wrong. Things are okay here, but I have a desire for so much more
than okay. At times, I get discouraged and think that I am really
expecting way too much. Then I'll meet or read about a wonderful
family who really does seem to have a handle on that elusive thing I've
been searching for and it motivates me. Well, I've been motivated
again by all that I've read at www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com.
Right now my youngest is 18 months. She's
pretty well-behaved for her age, but there's room for
improvement. I'm working on getting her out of the church nursery
and sitting with us during services. Elizabeth's advice makes so
much sense to me! "Before I ask for a difficult feat like sitting quietly through an entire church service, I teach basic obedience."
Basic obedience... sounds simple... well, I guess it can be, the hard
part is being consistent, saying what you mean, and meaning what you
say. So that's where we're starting. We're staked and
working on basic obedience, with love and joy, not as the old harsh
taskmaster- my children want to please me when they're not put right on
the defensive from my harsh criticism. What a concept! Children
that want to please Mommy! And want to sit on my lap (a lot!) and
read little books, and get tickled and smothered with kisses... what a
joy mothering can be, right now in these young years when I think I
used to think that I was just supposed to suffer through while waiting
for the good stuff to come from older children...
My next oldest is nearing 4 ( a couple months left)
and she's been known to be a bit of a challenge, but she can be the
sweetest little thing you ever did see at times. Lord willing,
and with some more work at staking on my part those times will be most
times! My 5 1/2 year old has always been my
biggest challenge. I think she's just so much like me that she
has grated me the wrong way and I lost my joy and patience with her a
long time ago... the poor thing, no wonder she's had some rough
patches, she really has been reacting to my parenting deficiency...
and, well, it's already getting better. It's amazing how far a
few minutes knitting together can go... or even braiding hair...
My 7 year old has been pretty easy going for most of
his life. But there have been glimpses of a bit of a souring
inner attitude that I am so glad to be able to make out and nip in the
bud. He's so much fun to have around and talk to, he's a deep
thinker for such a little guy. Staking in his case will help me
keep in touch with what's going on in that little head, keep an eye on
his heart, and just become best friends. My
oldest, almost 13 at the time of this writing, has a few character
traits to work on (don't we all?!) and the bit of staking involved in
his case will give us a better opportunity to address those issues as
they come up, sometimes even before they come up, rather than waiting
until after bad habits are engrained deeper and deeper and much harder
to smooth out. Well, our journey begins, and it
begins with me. I am learning so much, there is so much I needed
to learn! There is an element of natural affection that comes
with just having a baby, I mean, they're so cute... but when the rubber
meets the road, good parenting, godly parenting doesn't come naturally,
it's work, at least it didn't come naturally for me. I'm rolling
up my sleeves and getting to work!
Just one week into much reading about 'tomato staking'
I was impressed with the need for such parenting wisdom. The
other night after church there was a little incident- little enough to
not be a big deal for most people, but big enough that I was very glad
my children were not involved. After the evening
service several families were lingering and talking, like usual on a
Sunday night. Most of the adults were engaged in conversations
with other adults and most of the children were running around in the
back of the church or outside... for the most part completely
unsupervised. It's the younger ones that are generally running
around in the back of the building, something I've never really been
too comfortable with. They tend to get riled up, they run and
jump (they're not supposed to be running inside the church) and I've
headed back and walked up on more than one fight- red in the face
kicking and hitting. So I've tried (inconsistently) to keep my
younger ones up front with me. It's so easy to let that slip when
I also want to have adult conversation. Well, I
realized my younger ones had run back with the others and were among
the loud crwod in the back. I was convicted about really doing
some tomato staking with my children and so I walked back and shooed
them towards the front of the church and told them they needed to stay
where I could see them. They obeyed and headed up front- so far
so good. Several minutes later I happened back to ask the
Pastor's wife a quick question (she had just wandered back to check on
something) and as I approached the Pastor was telling the young wiley
ones in the back to be quiet, they were really getting quite
loud. He turned and headed back down the hall towards the front,
got only a few steps, muttered something like "I just told them to be
quiet" and turned on his heels to repeat the request in a bit firmer
voice. You see, the request had been obeyed for approximately 2.5
seconds, about the amount of time when he was standing there staring
them down. The moment he truned around, the volume rose as though
nothing had happened. A command, from a tall and sturdy man with
a commanding voice, meant next to nothing to the entire bunch.
A few minutes earlier and my children would've been
a part of that bunch. It was a very minor thing in many eyes, I'm
sure. But those children were learning that they didn't have to
obey, that adults don't really mean what they say, and that there
really aren't any consequences to minor offenses like that - as long as
they don't get caught doing anything truly awful they have nothing to
fear. My children, on the other hand, learned that Mom meant what
she said- get to the front of the church, I said what I meant and I
meant what I said. I am not claiming any greatness as a mother, I
have a long way to go, but I was really quite pleased with that little
example of how a little tomato staking can go a long way.
My main reason for writing, though, has to do with
the older kids. They were playing outside with the only
supervision being whatever people witnessed as they walked back to
their cars to head out. We were packing to go so I had already
called my oldest back from a bit of frisbee (I was being inconsistent
in letting him go out while concentrating on the younger ones- I said I
had a long way to go...) When I was bringing a bag to the van I
happened upon a young man of about 12 spewing forth an entire mouthful
of water on a young lady of around 10. "Eeew!" I said, which was
answered with a "she did it to me first!" while this exchange was going
on there were around a half-dozen upper elementary to middle school
aged kids running in to refill their cups of water so they could get
the next kids that runs by. Many of them had some pretty wet
shirts as well as hair. Squirt guns are one thing, or even
flinging the little cups they were filling... I mean, it would still be
more rowdy than is necessary at church, but at least it wouldn't be
spitting on their friends. Hasn't spitting on someone always been
considered one of the most offensive means of showing something akin to
hate or disgust. When did it become a fun way to play?
Well, I headed in to let a parent know that their
kid, along with most of the rest of 'em, was spitting on others for
fun- I said something like "I'm ruining the fun I know, but I just had
to let you know that your child is..." (I would want to know if
my son was spitting all over little girls, because, I can tell you that
would never be considered okay in our family, and he would have had a
serious consequence if he had been involved in that...) I said
something about just wanting them to know so they could decide wether
to step in and do something about that or not. I really
tried to be cheerful and matter-of-fact as I am trying not to get too
rotten of a reputation as a 'mean mom' or a great big snitch or
something, but as I said before, I would want to know if it were my
kid... I was careful not to say anything like 'you shouldn't let your
kid...' or 'you need to keep a better eye on your kid...' We all know
how momma bears can be- I know how I can be... My intention was not to
tell anyone how to parent (and I did not), but merely to interrupt some
pretty rude behavior and let the parents deal with it as they saw
fit. If they had seen fit to let 'em keep spitting on each other,
so be it... my kid wouldn't be participating, but that's the only thing
I can control. I'm pretty sure that the
blessing in this second example lies in the timing of our
leaving. I am not totally convinced that had we not been packing
to go, and had my oldest son still been out among that bunch, that he
wouldn't have been a part of the spitting 'fun'. He's a pretty
good kid, but he can get carried away with the immature fun like the
rest of them. Now, had I been tomato staking him as well as the
little ones, he would've been insde with us and I would have been able
to confidently say that he wouldn't have been involved. He's
going on 13 in a few more days and can use all the mature adult
influence he can get. As he's not a problem child by any means,
for the time being I'm concentrating on staking a bit more at home-
less time alone up in his room, less time downstairs in front of the TV
(a good thing for any child to have less of, adults for that matter
too! like me! see, I have a long way to go...) in an effort to,
as the Pearls put it- 'tie
strings'. We're working on relationship, just spending time
together- talking more, listening more, I even taught him to cook an
old favorite recipe with his eager younger brother watching over both
of our shoulders the whole time... I was tying strings with both my
boys and teaching my oldest to cook, both immense blessings for this
momma. Anyway, the more I read (I printed off
almost everything on the 'raisinggodlytomatoes' website!) the more I am
motivated to press on and press in. I love my children and I want
to really like them too. I want to enjoy their company all the
time. I know it's possible, and that's what I'm aiming for.
I don't have to be irritated with them if they are trained to not be so
irritating... we're working on it, and it's working already- and work
it is! I am training my own mother's heart as much, if not more,
than I am training my children's hearts- a sometimes hard, always
convicting task, but it's so worth it!
