Mar. 14, 2006 - I couldn't sleep last night...
I've been having trouble sleeping because at the end of the day, my spirit is so unsettled. I haven't been happy with the way things have been going. Even though I've been getting more organized something still wasn't right. Well, I believe the Lord has showed me the problem.
I have gotten away from the reasons that I want to be a stay at home mom and homeschool our children. I have been increasingly neglecting them. I have not been sowing into their lives spiritually at all. I always act like they are a burden and treat them like they are interrupting me when I'm working. I let them find their own activities to fill thier time. I'm lacking terribly at teaching them academics. I have no joy, no peace, no happiness, no hope. I have allowed all the other distractions blind me from my purpose.
So what is my purpose? To nurture and raise the children (blessings) that the Lord has given to us for such a brief time. To train them up in the ways of the Lord. To teach them good, Godly character. My spiritual life just went spinning out of control since leaving the church where we were and I just have not had anything to give them spiritually.
Having said that, though, I know there is hope. Our God is a wonderful, merciful Father! He has opened my eyes up to this and I know that He is going to lead me through it and restore back what the enemy has taken.
RESTORE. That seems to be the word that keeps coming up. Even this morning as I was reading my bible, one of the verses that stood out to me was Psalms 19:7, (amp) The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the [whole] person;
As I spend time with Him and in His word daily and once again start teaching my children to do the same, He is going to restore us! Hallelujah! What a great God!
I did not know Missy, but her passing affected me dramatically. I was not right for days after reading what happened. I even sort of stayed away from the blogging site for a little while because I kept seeing people writing about it (which is a good thing). I couldn't really deal with it (and still can't). However, the Lord has been using that to restore my walk with Him. If I should suddenly die, how would I be remembered? Especially by my husband and children? Would I have a testimony as great as Missy's? At this point, I can't say yes to that question but I have a great example to strive for. I know, of course, that our example is Jesus but I believe that he gives us examples through other people as they are following Him.
What a mighty God we serve!!
Comments
Mar. 16, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by mrssulli
I found your blog and just had to let you know that I've felt the same way the last couple of weeks. I was very discouraged in my walk, and I was letting my kids have free rein. Thank the Lord, He is patient and led me back to Him! This week has been good, I can't say what tomorrow will bring, but at least I know that I am doing what He wants, being with me children. I also know that I would have many more times of discouragement if my children were being raised by a school and I was serving another master at a full time job! Keep your head up! Enjoy the fact that we can have days that we get nothing accomplished! By the way, I'm a fellow central Floridian! :)
Mar. 17, 2006 - amazing!
Posted by Rolea
I'm so glad to see you're back! It's clear to me that quite a few of us have been having our bouts with some type of discouragement - wow - talk about spiritual warfare! I must tell you, i have found that i have sprialed out on the other side of that coin, becoming so involved in 'ministry' that nobody really "raises" the kids, they're just along for the ride! ouch! And what a merciful gracious Father in heaven we have, He truly is **the lifter up of our heads** Thank You Father
@->
Mar. 18, 2006 - Hi Rolea!
Posted by debs02
Isn't it so encouraging to know that the Lord will let us know if we are going in the wrong direction? So many times it's so easy to get caught up in focusing on what the word says is right and wrong (in which we get a lot of christians bickering) when we should just be focusing on Him and allow Him to guide us:
Isa 30:21
Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right hand or whenever you turn to the left.
(NKJ)
I'm not saying that you were doing that, it's just that when I read your comment about how the Lord showed you what was happening, you have the heart to want to change. It made me think of that scripture because as were looking to Him, He is so faithful to guide us and let us know if we are veering off to the left or right.
Of course, ministering isn't the wrong direction and the Lord will show us how to have that balance. Thank you for the encouragement!
Mar. 28, 2006 - I hear you
Posted by dawilli
I struggle with that too, with not sowing enough into my childrens lives. Slipping back into feeling like they are a burden... well, I don't even feel like they are, but soemtimes I treat them like they are. I, too, was very moved by Missey's passing and have wondered the same thing about my testimony. It's convicting stuff, and I pray that the Lord brings you through this time a better and stronger wife, mother, and most of all christian.
Praying with you,
ali