I just wanted to point out a link to a free e-book on the sidebar. It's from The Old Schoolhouse Magazine and it looks like this:

Just click on the above (or on the sidebar) and you'll be redirected to a free e-book - no strings attached! It's called The New School Year: Planning Your Course and Letting the Lord Determine Your Steps.

Check it out!

Five of my kiddos (can you spot them all?) walking with their Papa back from the park in Missoula to the van, where the sixth child (sleeping) and I wait.

It's not often I allow myself to just enjoy the view: my husband and our brood. Nine years ago, I was a very fresh newlywed with a hunk of a husband and nary a thought about children. I even wore a two-piece swimsuit! Now, any thoughts NOT dealing with children have to be squeezed in between diaper changes, filling sippy cups, and explaining how to set up a slide of a cricket's leg for the microscope; and the only value I see in a bikini is for the two-year old who can make a 30-min. YMCA swim involve THREE potty breaks (you ever tried to pull down -- and then back up -- a wet swimsuit on a pudgy 2-yr. old?).

I'm older now and rounder and less inclined to giggle. Now I groan more ... both in getting up and in listening to my children's always oral musings.

But sometimes something makes me STOP and just absorb. We have a mess of children ... and they're messy. Their rooms, their hair, their noses, their bottoms, their incessant forgetting we "don't grab things out of anyone else's hands, even if it's yours," their constant spilling of the cups at the table.

Sometimes I forget with all the cleaning up of messes that we are more than this. I forget that we are more than just a group of people who make our individual messes under the same roof. That with all the wiping and scrubbing and soaking I can never truly clean anything worthwhile. That all my work will have to be redone - the snot and the crumbs and the mud and the filth will be back.

But we are more than that.

We are a glorious mess. To mangle a Woody Guthrie lyric, This Mess Is Bound for Glory. I can clean and sort and declutter and polish, but only HE can perfect.

And the work He has done means that my forever wiping is only temporary. There will be a day when we will meet Him face to face and see Him clearly - no smudges or smears or nagging sense of "I missed a spot." And even today, because of His work, I can boldly approach the throne of God - without adjusting any priestly garments or arranging tinkling bells or fearing death.

And THAT is beautiful. 

The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.      I bless the LORD who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.     Ps. 16:5-8, ESV

And as I sit and watch my children run and skip and dawdle and holler and sing back to the van with their Papa, I do think about this. For a second, I forget the disgusting state of the floor of the van and think only how blessed I am.

And man, that man is still a hunk.

Four years ago, our then-church was constructing its first building. Our pastor asked the ladies of the church for input concerning a church nursery. None of our temporary meeting places had allowed for such a room, and the Building Committee needed to know the best way to meet the needs of mothers in the church.

I recently re-read my response to his question. At the time, we had four children: a 4-yr. old, a 2-yr. old, and two 8-mos. olds. I sat with my husband every Sunday, my entire family attended the same church, and there were many other like-minded young families.

Today, almost four years later, much has changed. We now have a 7-yr. old, a 5-yr. old, two 4-yr. olds, a 2-yr. old, a 14-mos. old, and two newborns on the way. We worship 2000+ miles from any family members, the only other child in our church is 11, and I never sit with my husband during the service (he is usually occupied elsewhere – namely, the pulpit).

But my views on children in worship have not changed.

I think an important first step when trying to do anything is to determine WHAT you’re trying to do and WHY you’re trying to do it. For instance, I think it would be near impossible to stay committed to breastfeeding twins (TRUST ME!!) if you didn't know what you were doing (and trust me, there is a big WHAT with twins) and weren’t first convinced that it was the best and cheapest source of nourishment for them.

I’m not saying being armed with conviction makes it easy, just possible.

I feel the same way about worshiping with children. If we don’t really know WHAT we’re trying to do with the worship or WHY we’re trying to do it, we might as well just give up.

These were my comments four years ago. I still feel the same way. There are differences now in HOW we practice worship with children, but these things are still the same:

   

In response to your question about nursery, here are my thoughts:            I personally don't like the idea of a "nursery worker" (even if it is on a rotating schedule) as I have seen too often how this morphs into a full-fledged nursery. As a covenant family, we rejoice in having our children participate in worship; and we rejoice to see other children participating as well. Sometimes the "participation" is inappropriate and distracting and calls for removal and/or discipline, but I don't think it calls for removing them totally from one of the means of grace (the preaching of the Word) for an extended amount of time, multiple Sundays on end.             Sundays are not my day for a "break" from my children, welcome though that may be. They are a day for me to worship God with the covenant community. My children are part of that community. I want them to learn how blessed is this time. I want them to learn to look forward to it. I want them to see that we want them in there worshiping, that we are doing something too important to be missed. Even my 8-mos. olds can pick up on this excitement; and who knows how the Holy Spirit will apply God's Word to their small lives?            I am not denying that it is hard WORK to listen to the sermon while listening to one child ask to go to the bathroom, pulling the dress down on another, retrieving my watch which has been flung by a third, and catching the wrinkled nose of my husband at the suspicious smell of a fourth. But this is part of my part of teaching my children about glorifying and enjoying God. I want them to view the preaching of God's Word as a necessary and enjoyable part of Christian life. I want their first songs to be songs of the faith. I want them to recognize the people in our congregation, so that when we say we are praying for so-and-so, that will mean something to them.               An even stronger argument for us in our family has been that this seems to be the biblical precedent. In both the Old and New Testaments, children are part of the worship service.                  For me, I think it is much more helpful to have someone who is willing to help me keep my children IN the service -- sitting with those who are staying while I take others out for correction or a diaper change, or walking a restless baby in the back or foyer area.            The question: "But what about visitors?" is always brought up in these discussions, and I don't think it's a huge question. Most of the visitors we have had seem to want their children with them, anyway. And with the very few who have asked about a nursery -- I can remember three instances that I was aware of -- their needs were taken care of either by mothers who were already in the “nursery” or by someone in the service who noticed them struggling. It's not like we don't know when we have visitors! But personally, the most offensive thing for me to hear when I am visiting a church is, "We have a nursery down the hall if you'd like to drop your children off there" as if they were a piece of outerwear and NOT a valid part of the covenant community. As a Reformed congregation, I think the most consistent attitude with our doctrine (and the Bible)  is one of embracing children in the worship, even if this takes some discipline on the part of OTHER members of the congregation as well ("I will NOT be distracted by baby noise; I will work HARD at listening and worshiping").          My (turning out to be very lengthy, I guess) opinion is that it is good to have a place to nurse, change diapers, and play during Sunday School; but for the worship service, I prefer to have the children in the service.              Thanks! Rachel

(our six waiting for the start of worship a few months back --

this picture is much quieter than the real thing!)

Some articles that have been helpful to us:

Karl Hubenthal's "Children and Worship"

Paul and Judi English's "Teaching Children to Worship"

Probably the most derogative term we use around here is "pickle," as in "You're being a real pickle." (Actually, come to think of it, the most most most derogative term is probably "semi-Pelagian," but this is a G-rated blog.)  It started long before the children were born, before Ethan and I were even married. In fact, I grew up being called a pickle when I was ornery (that's when I wasn't being called a cactus for resisting parental hugs/kisses).

Ethan and I just naturally started calling each other pickles when we were in mild disagreement, or slightly irritated, or even on all-out opposite sides of an issue (like which side should face out when you hang a new toilet paper roll -- we CANNOT agree on this. But I am right.).

But Sunday brought a new twist to the name-calling. We noticed the outside light to Ethan's study (off the garage) was on. Ethan asked, "All right, who was peeking in my study?"

Miriam (4) answered, "Probably Abraham, because his shirt was all wet the other day."

It took me a second before I realized what she was talking about, and then it hit me. "No, Papa said, 'Who was PEEKING in my study?' not 'Who was PEEING in my study?' " (Just a note: Abraham was not peeing in Ethan's study, either. Remember, this is his twin taking advantage of a chance for him to get in trouble.)

"OHHHHH," she said.

But Miriam hates to be wrong, and she fumed for a while before she came up with the just-right slight for me, the one who had corrected her.

"Mama! You're such a pickle! You're just a ... just a ... just a SIN pickle! You're a BLOOD pickle!"

I don't know what to do about this. She has raised the insulting to another level by creating a whole new category.

The Lord's Day Insult.

Huh.

The other day, Lily (5) and I were doing her reading lesson. We use Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons, which I love but which is also perhaps a misnomer. Some days are "easier" than others. (For a hilarious recap of what the daily lessons look like in reality, visit Smockity Frocks here. She nailed it.)

But one thing I have noticed with both Ben (now 7) and Lily is that their speech starts to clear up when they begin reading. They notice that there is an "s" at the beginning of that word or that the "t" in this word is really a "c."

I'm not sure how much this was really sinking in with Lily on Wednesday, though. She came to the word with and said, "Oh, that's kind of like the word withard."

I would love to pretend she was talking about withered, but I know better. "No," I corrected, "that word is wiZZZZZZZZard. This word is with, you know, like 'Would you like to play outside WITH Benjamin?'."

She paused a bit with a suspicious look on her face before she countered, "That doesn't sound anything like the word WIFF!"

And you know? She's right.

Sort of.

Last night, at 9 PM, my husband received a phone call from a Realtor asking if she could show the house at 2 this afternoon. My husband is nice, so he moved the time to 2:30 and said that would be fine.

She is lucky she did not speak to me. Next time, my husband assures me, she will.

Because I am 4 months pregnant with twins. Translation: I look like normal pregnant people look when they're 8 mos. pregnant (except nowhere near as cute) but I feel even worse (because not only are there 2 normal-sized babies in there, there are two placentas, extra amniotic fluid, and all the fat from six previous children) and I am done with the morning sickness so my energy (which is extremely limited) and hormones go elsewhere. They DO NOT go into mega-cleaning the house. They DO go into trying to get the bare minimum of homeschooling done with my children, three meals (if we're lucky) prepared and set on the table, and enough clean laundry that we are all wearing our own underwear.

And if there's ANY energy or ANY hormones left? That goes into telling the Realtor (who's not even the seller's agent) that we have it in writing that we get 24 hours' notice. So if you call my husband's cell phone (and HOW DID YOU GET THAT NUMBER???) at 9 PM, I will say, "I'm sorry, but the earliest you could come is 9 PM tomorrow, and that is too late for us, so we'll have to schedule for the next day." And if you have a problem with that, that's OK. We'll make sure that right before you come, we feed the baby beans, the cats any available houseplants, and we'll leave the dog.

Grrr. I even put a pitcher of apples on the counter and a bowl of lemons on the table.

Life's giving me lemons. Make your own lemonade.

My friend Carol has two little girls: Emily (3 1/2 years old) and Erin (just over a year). She recently asked some questions. I'm giving her my $.02; anyone else have some ideas? I'd love to hear (and implement) them!

I've been looking for some guidance on doing a devotional time with Emily, and your link about Circle Time really steered me in the right direction! Thank you!! I was wondering if you've used the Big Truths for Little Kids book, and if it's appropriate for a 3 1/2 year-old? Amazon says the suggested age is 4-8, so I'm wondering if I should find something else for now and save this book for a bit?

We have used Big Truths for Little Kids, and I think it would be fine for Emily, but not a necessity.  It's basically a way to teach the Westminster Shorter Catechism for Children: it introduces a series of catechism questions and then gives a short story to illustrate the meaning of the questions/answers being discussed. Even if you decide NOT to go with this book, I would encourage you to work on the catechism questions and answers. The beginning answers are simple enough for a 2-year old, and it's really fun to watch your child gain in vocabulary and understanding as she progresses. (First Catechism: Teaching Children Biblical Truths is available from Great Commission Publications for $1.50.)

Also, when you do Circle Time, does Jonathan sit in your lap or is he otherwise occupied? I'm wondering if this would be good practice for Erin to learn sitting still and being quiet, or if it's too much to expect. She normally stays in church with us at least until the sermon, but today she only made it about 5 minutes... not good! All advice is welcome!

I think I'll save how we handle church for another post. But for now, during Circle Time, the answer is nooooo, he does NOT sit in my lap. At least not consistently, quietly, or in any kind of orderly manner. Sometimes, when we're singing or I'm reading from the devotional book or the Bible, he'll climb up into my lap. But at other times he dances around, plays with his cars, asks for a drink, etc. I think your attention is going to be too divided if you try to use this time as a teaching time with Emily AND a training time for church for Erin. In church, I assume you want her sitting in your lap quietly.  But what it would take to do this in Circle Time, while you are also trying to work with Emily (you're talking, singing, laughing, asking questions, answering questions, coloring ... whatever it is that the day brings) will be frustrating to you and confusing to Erin. This is NOT what you are doing at church.

As far as training for church, we have never successfully implemented a formal training time (when the children practice sitting quietly at the house while listening to a sermon, etc.) What HAS worked for us is general obedience training, instruction in being quiet, and removal of distractions. I will write more about this later.

So if you are not going to use this time as a "sit still for church" training time, what do you do with the baby? Since your time is going to be short, you could just do it during part of her nap. I save our "hard" stuff for when Jon (14 mos.) is napping.

The other option is to distract her and use this time as a training time for her to learn to play by herself. In that vein, here are some sites I've found helpful:

Kendra at Preschoolers and Peace gives an example of what she expects from her 18-mo. old. You could easily scale this down: you won't need HOURS of the baby being occupied; my guess is that your devotional time with Emily won't take you more than 15-30 minutes. Kendra has some good examples of what to realistically expect. Limited times of confinement (in a high chair, play pen, behind a baby gate, etc.) are GOOD. Children learn how to operate within set restrictions.

Here is a great compilation of preschool activities. You can scroll down and find all sorts of activities to keep Erin occupied (clothespins in a jar are popular around here, as is an oat box with a slit [or bigger hole] cut in the top and various toys or kitchen utensils [spoons] to poke through...).  You will ALSO find some good activities for Emily! These can come in handy as you probably want to have time throughout the day when you can devote your attention to the baby and let your older child practice playing independently.

Hopefully this helps a little. I'll give my thoughts on church with littles later -- just know you are not in the trenches alone!

Anyone else have ideas? I'd love to hear them!

My five-year old wore a bra for the first time yesterday.

Just so you're not misled, she's a relatively normal five-year old. I mean, she's not overly endowed or anything.

But the night before, we had had friends over for dinner, and their twelve-year old left about four good-sized bags of hand-me-down clothing. Yesterday morning, Lily (the five-year old) got to the clothes before I did.  We all loaded into the car to head to the farmers' market and other various places. At one of the stops, I noticed she looked a little . . . bumpy.

"Lily? How many shirts do you have on?" I asked.

"Well, I have this one," she said, pointing to her blue striped shirt. "And under it I have this," she said, pulling the spaghetti strap of a hot pink tank top. "And under that, I have this," she said, pulling the thin strap of a . . . well, I guess it's a . . . is that a bra?

"Oh. OK," I said, trying not to laugh.

When we got home, I told Ethan that Lily had on quite a few articles of clothing.

"Yeah," Lily said to me. "It took me a while, but then I finally figured out that little thing was a num-num shirt."

Uh-huh. You've got it all figured out. And you've got the vocabulary to prove it.

A new school year means, for us, a new routine. Far from being the structured mother, I have always been a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of gal, and that HAS worked. However, seeing how I have spent the last four months as little more than a puking couch potato, the start of school means there are several other areas of life that must be ordered if I have any hope of maintaining a school schedule.

My standards aren’t terribly high. I have only one child so far that Montana law dictates must be schooled – our seven-year old, Benjamin. His workload is, I feel, a reasonable one for him. We don’t go for the packaged curricula: part of the joy of homeschooling is tailoring the schooling to my child, and there’s no way a packaged program can do that. (And so then for what would I be paying all that money? For busy work? I think yes.) It's just not for us. I do have friends who use boxed curricula and love them. But I know I wouldn't.

Our five-year old, Lily, will continue to work on reading – we do about 15-20 minutes a day and call it good. Because she would have it no other way, she will also be included in the history time and, along with everyone else, in Circle Time.

As I started perusing our eclectic gathering of school material, I began realizing that this year is going to take some more formal structuring on my part. While the two oldest are able to stay out of trouble (for the most part), they are also capable of being responsible for far more than they have been. And while they are busy with chores or school, there are still four others who are busy in other, less admirable endeavors. Two four-year olds, a two-year old, and a 14-month old do not an organized party make. And, Lord willing, their number will be added to in February, when two newborns will join the ranks of the Clueless.

So I did it. I bit the bullet and wrote a ton of stuff down. I’m still tweaking, but we have a Master Routine, chore lists for each child, and a rough outline of the year’s courses. My goal is for the household to run as smoothly as it can without my input. I AM here and able to give input, but the more the children can be held accountable without my having to initiate every chore, the better.

I began by upping my fortitude with help from some of my favorite sites: Preschoolers and Peace, Pleasant View Schoolhouse, and Large Family Logistics (here and her older blog here). I reminded myself that less is more: more planning is better, but less “formal” schoolwork and busywork is also far better. I don’t agree with those that start their children’s schooling too early or that teach a course because “the schools teach it to their kids in first grade.” I was a teacher in a “real” school – a private one, even – and I am convinced that for the most part teachers impart a bunch of bologna.

The main points that I tried to keep at the forefront of my mind:

1. Less is more.
2. Consistency, consistency, consistency. If we can get in 2 pages of math a day, great. If we get stuck on a concept, OK. We'll work on it again tomorrow. It's much more important that we work on it again tomorrow, spending time to try to understand. But not spending too much time. A little done regularly is better than a lot done sporadically or too much done too often.
3. Morning chores before school. If we can get the basics of the housework out of the way, we will all be much more able to focus on schooling. There will be less for the littles to get into, the washing machine can work without me, and we don't have to dread the work after school.
4. What are the littles doing? It is very important that I have a plan for what they are doing while I am working with the older children. They need to have a "job" ALL THE TIME for which they are responsible. Sometimes their "job" will be to color at the table next to us (NO CRAYONS LEAVE THE TABLE UNDER PENALTY OF DISCIPLINE AND AN EARLY NAP).
5. Variety - be mindful of attention spans. After we have done bookwork, we need to do something a little more active. The same goes for the littles. Each day they have a different activity assigned - they only color one day a week. Also, my time has to be carefully divided between the olders and the littles. After Ben does math, he helps me do the lunch prep work and then sits down to do his copywork while I read to the littles (read, and tickle, and play "don't take that book away from me!"). Then he plays outside with the littles while Lily and I do her reading (just 15 minutes). Then the littles come inside to do table work while Ben and Lily have history. Does that make sense? He sits, he does something active, he sits, he does something active, he sits ... And the same goes for the littles. They listen to me read (while they wiggle and dance and whatever else), they play outside, they "work" at the table (or in their highchairs) ...
6. No overscheduling. Because of the ages of our children and what I can realistically expect them to contribute and what they realistically need from me (a happy mommy who can play and love on them), my schedule is relatively loose. (I'll be glad to share it if you want to see it, but I won't force it on anybody!)

I’m excited. I just started the children with their chores today (they’ve always had chores, but now they are written down and illustrated and are THEIR VERY OWN CHORES instead of being something I came up with spur of the moment or had to recall from the fog that is my brain). And you know the biggest complaint – the chore that brought tears? Abraham, one of our four-year olds, got upset because I dumped the downstairs trash, showing him how I wanted it done. “I wanted to do it! That’s MY job! I can do that!” he sniffed. And no less than four times today, he reminded me, “I will do the trash tomorrow, not you, right?”

Right. It’s all yours, buddy.

Yes, and I love cantaloupe.

Just look at all that scrumptious dripping juice. Ethan sure does know how to pick 'em.

photo: part of this week's bounty from the Farmer's Market, carved and ready for Sunday fellowship