(Edited to add link 9/25/05)

From Deborah Wuehler, Devotional Editor, The Old Schoolhouse Magazine:  I have personally commented on many of Spunky’s questions and allegations in her review. (See this link for Spunky's website where you can find her original review: Spunky Homeschool)My comments are posted in bold and italics under various sections of Spunky’s review. The purpose for my commenting here is the fact that we have received some inquiring communication regarding the position of The Old Schoolhouse Magazine and HomeschoolBlogger.com. As Devotional Editor for The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, it is my privilege to uphold our support of the Pearls and to make our official position known through my comments which are fully endorsed by the Suarez’s (Publishers), the Igarashi’s (Director and Senior Editor), Michael and Debi Pearl and Rebekah (Pearl) Anast of No Greater Joy Ministries.

(FROM SPUNKY'S BLOG):

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Introduction

This is the first of several posts on Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl. This post is jointly written with my husband.

Our family has benefited from the ministry of Michael and Debi Pearl. Their ideas on tying strings of fellowship and training are helpful as we parent our children. Their writing is direct and, whether you agree or disagree with their ideas, at least you know where they are coming from.

I read the excerpt for Debi's newest book, Created to Be His Help Meet, in their newsletter and thought that it would be equally helpful in my desire to be a better wife. Indeed, she provides many helpful reminders that are easy to forget in the day-to-day life of a busy household. Obedience, submission, and reverence are things that you can never hear too often. I am grateful that Debi is bold enough to attack these issues head on without regard to "trendy wisdom" or pop theology.

But those feelings were over-shadowed by a growing concern that in her zeal to present her case she may have moved into areas unsupported by Scriptutre. These areas need to be examined to determine whether they are indeed Scriptural.

The Review

Years ago, my mother played a silly trick on my dad. He loved apple pie. One day she didn't have time to prepare a pie for him so she threw a few apples and some spices into a pot and set it on the stove to simmer. Soon the house was filled with the aroma of "apple pie." But the reality was far different than the sweet fragrance. When my dad went to get a piece of the pie there was nothing there except the scent of a pie and some ingredients to make him think there was a pie. There was no substance. The truth of the pie was missing. Created to Be His Help Meet made me feel just like my dad felt that day -- disappointed and hoping for something better.

Don't get me wrong. Debi presents some important ingredients for a "heavenly marriage" but other key ingredients are missing. And some of the ingredients she uses are mixed together in such a way that the substance of a "heavenly marriage" is just not there.

What is a Heavenly Marriage?

Debi doesn't actually define a "heavenly marriage." She states, however, that one is possible solely on the basis of the woman's efforts. Consider what she writes on page 30,

It doesn't take a good man, or even a saved man to have a heavenly marriage. But it does take a woman who is willing to honor God and by being the kind of wife God intended.

The flawed premise is that as long as the woman is willing to honor God and be the kind of wife God intended, then she can have a "heavenly marriage." This puts all the weight on the woman and takes Christ, the power of the cross, and the husband out of the picture.

I agree that a foolish woman can tear down a marriage. But a wise woman can do all the right things and still her husband may depart from her. She is not a failure because he is a fool.

On the other hand, even in a good marriage, can it be called heavenly if the man is well-served but never comes to repentance or to know Christ? That's not what I call a heavenly marriage.

To me a "heavenly marriage" is one where the head of the man is submitted to Christ and in turn is the head of a reverent wife. To call a marriage heavenly simply because a woman obeys God and her husband creates an expectation that will not necessarily follow. No matter what the wife does, the man has the liberty to choose or reject Christ (and her) regardless of a woman's behavior.

Where in Scripture does God make a "heavenly marriage" or a failed marriage the sole responsibility of the woman?

I think a lot of this can be answered in the very beginning of the book. In the introduction, Debi tells us that her goal for this book is to show women how to be true help meets. And this goal she fully meets in the book. Her goal was not to teach or preach doctrine whether it be repentance, salvation or sanctification.  If she wanted to include all of these doctrines, she would have stated that and written about them. If I wanted to write a cook book specializing in Italian fare, I would not spend chapters on Mexican food or even the basics of cooking – I would assume the reader would have the basics of cooking down before he even purchased the book on Italian fare. This was not a book about those doctrines. This IS a book about teaching women to love their husbands, and she does a successful job teaching that. She also premises her book on many years of counseling a myriad of women in troubled marriages. That being the case, we would suppose that the book would be full of situations of those women needing counseling along with Debi’s responses (which is indeed what we find) – not doctrine to be taught, but counsel on the practical application of the biblical principles of submission and reverence to husbands which includes many different scenarios. Debi shows throughout the book how a marriage can be made better even in the midst of the most trying of circumstances – by having an eternal perspective and taking responsibility for what the Bible teaches us women to do (no matter how we feel) and actually putting those things into practice whether or not the husband is saved. Debi wants women to know that a “heavenly” marriage is attainable if our focus is not on the external change of our husbands, but an internal change of our own hearts bowing in submission to our Maker and becoming obedient to His commands. This brings great joy to our hearts and we can then experience a little bit of “heaven” even in the midst of a harsh marriage reality BECAUSE we serve a God who rewards those who diligently seek and serve Him. An eternal (or “heavenly”) perspective of the relationship and the basis of much of the book, is that we as women are to obey God (our ultimate authority) by blessing and reverencing the men He has given us – even if they are “ total jerks” in our eyes. This is not primarily about how a husband can be saved by any of our actions (although in some cases, this actually happens and the bible explains this by saying they can be “won without a word”), it is about how God uses our actions towards our husbands as His hands and feet thus becoming a witness to a dying world of the true love of God. This is an eternal perspective – obedience to God by submission to and reverence of our husbands which is a perfect picture of Christ and His church. How can this picture be shown to the world unless we as women are willing to lay down our rights to be loved in favor of laying down our lives for the benefit of a lost and dying world?

Debi does not say that the sole responsibility of a failed marriage belongs to the woman. She does say that there are many foolish women out there who do not see the error of their ways and is giving them a wake-up call to open their eyes and see who they are destroying.

Debi's Game Plan

Her prescription for a "heavenly marriage" begins with a merry heart. She states on page 26,

And the day you have a merry heart with be the first day of rebuilding your marriage into the heavenly gift it was meant to be.

I agree that a merry heart is necessary to a marriage and I appreciate the reminder. But to say that this is the first ingredient is misleading. Consider what D. James Kennedy states as most needful to a marraige. In his book Save a Marriage, Save a Nation (Recently available free from Coral Ridge Ministries) he states on page 17,

I'll tell you what the Bible says you should do if you don't love your husband, if you haven't loved him for years, then you should go home, get down on your knees, repent of your sin, and ask the Lord and your husband to forgive you.

Without this first step, a woman is relying on future good behavior (a merry heart) to cover past sin. It's as if Debi expects that a wife can flip on the "merry" switch and that alone will atone for all past wrongs and sins.

Isn't it more appropriate to confess and repent of our sins to Jesus and our husbands first? Only after that can a "merry heart" do it's work free from the guilt and shame of sin. Then when our husbands begin to experience the joy of our merry hearts, or any other changes we may make, they will know the true source of these changes -- Jesus -- and give Him the glory.

Debi does briefly mention a woman in the Bible coming to Jesus but that's not until the end of Chapter 4. She never addresses confession and repentance to our husbands. Confessing our sins to Jesus and our husbands is critical to the full restoration of the marriage, even if our husbands refuse to confess their wrongs.

It is unjust to allude to the fact that because Debi pearl did not provide a section specifically on repentance (although the entire book points in that direction), we should disregard her counsel. Debi is writing to “younger women” with the intent of building on already known theology. Repentance is of course the first place we start our Christian lives (and it should be a daily occurrence thereafter) not because we are specifically told to repent, but because we have been convicted of our sin by the Holy Spirit. This book helps by opening our eyes to areas where we may have been blind and shows us areas of weakness/sin that needs to be repented of. This is not a book of basic doctrine on repentance, it is a book of godly counsel. The Lord has used and is using this godly counsel to lead thousands of women to repentance as a natural outflow of the writing of this book. And this, my friend, is once again, a very good thing.

The most obvious omission comes at the end of the book when Debi speaks of Diana on p. 248. The woman's husband has left her over the single issue of the number of children they should have. Debi asserts the woman is blaspheming the Word of God and then states,

I have no answer for Diana, whose husband left her with an overflowing quiver of children to rear alone. There is no sure refuge for all the families who have split over this issue.

No answer? No refuge? Christ is our refuge. Confession and repentance are the tools He uses to bring about restoration. A "merry heart" won't take you very far without them. That is a huge ingredient of truth left out of the book.

If you would have quoted the rest of the paragraph you are referring to, there is an answer to Diana.  It says, “There is no sure refuge for all the families who have split over this issue – and judging from the vast amount of letters like this that we receive, there are many. I can only tell her that God did not forsake her; she forsook God, his written Word, and his clearly spelled-out plan for a woman. This is what happens when the Word of God is blasphemed.” She has blasphemed the word of God by her direct disobedience to her husband’s wishes. Concerning the “blaspheming of the Word of God” I would redirect you to read the chapters going over Titus 2 on what qualities are to be lived by the godly woman so that the Word of God is not blasphemed. Debi’s writing opens eyes to areas where some women may have been allowing the Word of God to be blasphemed by not living out these characteristics. The book is written and counsel given on the premise that Christian younger women already know that God is our refuge and the one to bring about restoration. However, no restoration will happen if we fail to follow God’s commands already laid out for us. Again, repentance is a natural outflow of seeing the error of our ways. If you will look through the book in its entirety, there are many calls to repentance, obedience and getting serious with God (especially at the end of each chapter in the “Reflecting On” portions). Yes, there is a refuge and protection from negative consequences in obeying God’s written word, and this is mentioned repeatedly throughout the book. The missing “ingredient of truth” is certainly not missing after all.

Debi's Doctrine of Santification

Debi's idea of "complete santification" does not appear to have any Scriptural basis.

Here is her answer to a woman whose husband is having an emotional affair. She acknowledges the husband is wrong but then makes this assertion on page 29 without any supporting Scripture,

God has provided for your husband's complete sanctification and deliverance from temptation through you his wife.

I agree that the woman is part of a mutual sanctification that takes place between a husband and a wife (see Genesis 2:18 and 1 Peter 3). But to say that a woman provides for "complete santification and deliverance from temptation" is incorrect. Instead, II Timothy 2:19-22 states,

Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity. But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and of silver, but also of wood and of earth; and some to honour, and some to dishonour. If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honour, sanctified, and meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work. Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart

And in Hebrews 2:18,

For in that He Himself hath suffered being tempted, He is able to succour them
that are tempted.

Christ and the husband also have a role in the complete sanctification from temptation -- arguably a greater role than the wife. Is the wife really completely responsible for the purity of her husband's thought life or behavior?

From there Debi reduces the solution to our husbands' temptations to our attractiveness. And for some odd reason resorts to unncessary name calling more often associated with immature high school girls, not a mature woman of God. From page 31,

Get down on your husband's emotional level and make yourself more attractive than that office wench and do it now, today!

I agree we are at war and that war has a physical element to it. But Debi's answer to everything seems to be a smile and a roll in the hay. (Nothing wrong with that. We didn't get 6 children without our share of fun!) But to suggest that intimacy with our husbands (more often, more exciting, whatever) is the cure misses the more important point. You can't successfully fight a spirtual battle with only carnal weapons.

The battle we are in is primarily spirtual. I know a few women who are competing with a "virtual wench" and not just computer or video images, but also words in chat rooms and voices from someone on the phone that can't be seen. We are not just in a visual competition for our husband's affection, but a spiritual one as well. A spirtual battle calls for spirtual weapons.

I prefer the approach Esther took. She used her beauty, wit, and courage but primary relied upon her greatest spiritual weapons -- prayer and fasting. Only Jesus can satisfy and cure a sinful appetite. Only Jesus can completely fill that void in a man's heart. We aren't going to do it alone by "exhausting" his desires. That's like trying to cure a drunk by giving him lots of water to drink.

"Rolling in the hay," visual appeal, and joyously pleasing our husbands all have there place, but ultimately a spiritual battle requires spiritual weapons. Debi does not mention this. Another missing ingredient.

This book is gorged with exhortations pleading with us to obey the written word of God in our lives and to practically live it out. It is not a book on the doctrine of prayer, although prayer is called for throughout the book. What exactly is a spiritual weapon? Is prayer the only spiritual weapon? Definitely Not! Isn’t the Word of God a spiritual weapon? And how so? It is a weapon when it is used as a weapon – by our obedience to what is written. To say the Word of God is not a spiritual weapon is complete ignorance of the affect of God’s Word in our lives.  It is alive and powerful and able to change our very life if we read it and follow it! The book of Timothy show us the spiritual weapon of the Word of God – that it is for doctrine, reproof, instruction in righteousness, etc., that the woman of God may be PERFECT – lacking nothing! That my friend is a spiritual weapon – even noted so as a piece of the armor of God in Ephesians!  This has been the missing ingredient in Christian women today – they seem to pray, pray, pray, but forget to obey.  Debi’s book is all about obeying what is already written in this spiritual weapon of ours. Not prayer for a new answer or new direction. God’s answers to these women’s prayers are already written down for them in His word. It is their job to read it and obey it, thereby utilizing a very forceful and alive and powerful weapon of warfare. Another ingredient obviously not missing.

As for the “doctrine of complete sanctification through the wife” – that would be a contrived assumption you are making and certainly not a new doctrine they are promoting. This was a statement if when read in its full context, you would see that the husband has not been left unblamed: “Your husband is, without doubt, wrong. It would be wonderful if he were wise and godly, but he isn’t. God has provided for your husband’s complete sanctification and deliverance from temptation through you, his wife. Your man, like many men before him, is a fool to wink at sin, to play with temptation….You now stand where millions of wives have stood. Your reactions are the norm, and as the norm continues, and as you stand on your rights and withhold yourself until he proves his loyalty to you alone, you will come to the normal end – divorce….I am not suggesting that this is your fault, that you are the cause of your husband’s sin. I am just warning you that if you really honestly want to win your husband back to yourself, you must change your game plan…” Keeping her statement in context to the whole chapter, you will find that there is no new doctrine here, simply an emphatic response to a desperate wife.  This is exactly how false doctrines are started – by taking one sentence out of context of the whole meaning of the text. The basics of our Christian faith allow us to realize our complete sanctification through Jesus Christ. Again, this book is not about basic Christianity, but the building up of the Christian woman and the building on of her faith through obedience to the scripture.

Created to Be His Help Meet - Part 2

Thursday, July 21, 2005

This is the second of several posts on Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl. This post is jointly written with my husband. Part 1 is here.

Obedient to Their Own Husbands.

Titus 2:4-5 "That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands."

Debi Pearl talks about being obedient to our own husbands in Chapter 22. In that chapter she retells a conversation between Micheal and their oldest daughter,

When our first daughter was just two months away from geting married, she asked her daddy a theological question. Remember now, she was a graduate of Bible college and had spent three years on the foreign field as a missionary. But, rather than answer her as he had been doing for the previous 26 years, he told her, "I cannot answer your Bible question, for now you believe what your husband believes. He will be your head, and you will follow him. It is time to get adjusted to your new role. Ask him what he believes about it."

Micheal Pearl's answer presents an interesting dilemma for Debi. If Michael Pearl believes that he cannot answer his betrothed daughter's theological question without usurping his future son-in-law's authority, then isn't Debi usurping our husbands' authority by providing such advice?

This is a very obvious misunderstanding and a great stretch to get anything derogatory or contradictory here. Debi is doing what God in His Word has given her the authority to do: teach younger women. Mr. Pearl is doing exactly what God’s Word gives him authority to do – direct his daughter. There is no usurping going on. Sorry.

Whose Game Plan?

This is a theological as well as a practical book. Debi offers her theology on complete sanctification from temptation, blasphemy, deception, leadership of women in the home and church, etc. Michael, however, appears to believe that theological questions ought to be directed at the husband, even to the point of refusing his betrothed daughter's theological question. To be consistent with Michael, shouldn't Debi direct us to our own husbands as well?

Again, in the intro to the book, Debi states that she is here as an older women leading the younger women into what she has learned about wifehood and states “I am not an accomplished, professional writer who has collected and collated material from other writers and speakers. I am a happy, creative wife, homeschool mom, and grandmother who, many years ago by the grace of God, found God’s will through his written Word, my husband’s instruction, and a mother’s example.” – you have contrived it to be a theological book. It is a book of counseling us by turning us to our husbands and to the Word of God. Debi does throughout the book direct us to our own husbands, she directs us to reverence them and submit to them (this would obviously include going to them with theological questions). A very good “game plan.” 

Contradicting Their Own Advice

Chapter 23 is titled, "When Not to Obey?" On page 258 Debi writes,

...is there ever a time when a woman should disobey her husband? Since this is a doctrinal issue, I have asked my studious husband to help me out on it. (emphasis in original).

So now we're directed to Michael for a theological question! Shouldn't she tell us to go our husbands? Shouldn't Michael direct us to our husbands, as he did with his daughter? Instead, he launches right into a theological discussion on spheres of authority -- never realizing that he has just violated his very own advice to his daughter and departed from his sphere of authority.

This is obvious to me as well. Mr. Pearl is consulted by his wife on a doctrinal issue (a good thing) and Mr. Pearl responds to his wife’s question (a good thing).  Mr. Pearl gives his wife the answer and she gives it to us from him. No problem there. They direct us to go to our husbands for answers (no problem there). Debi goes to Mr. Pearl because she knows that he has studied and is knowledgeable of the answer and because he is her husband. Are you assuming she wrote the rest of the book without him? In nitpicking this issue, you divert us from his excellent biblical answer. I believe that having his thoughts here is invaluable. You have stated elsewhere that there is no clear distinction of “criminal red line.” If you read his answer here, you would see clearly where those lines fall. Mr. Pearl goes over where the spheres of authority lay with a man and where the line is drawn.  Where the woman is to obey and where the line is drawn. It all centers around what the Word of God says about authority and our obedience to that authority. Do you want to know what it says? Read the book. If I direct you to read the book instead of going to your husband for the answer, would that be wrong? I think not, or we would be burning all of our books based on that faulty thinking.

Contradictions Abound

On page 52, Debi begins a section with the quote "What does the Bible say?" In that section, a woman writes Debi a letter raising the issue of a woman's role in the church. Specifically, the writer believes a woman has a role at the platform in church and challenges Debi based on the teachings of another prominent minister. A theolgoical question. Instead of pointing the woman back to her husband, Debi launches into her views.

Debi strongly disagrees with the premise of the woman's letter. Her answer includes a discussion of how people have believed for centuries the same way that Debi does, Michael's scholarship, the use of the King James Bible, and then adds this zinger,

You will have to go to a "pop" TV evangelist or conference speaker, who depends on monetary gifts from women, to get the modern view that you say is taught by men like H____. There is a reason why those people attempt to appeal to the modern woman. Nine out of ten gifts to these ministries and nine out of ten purchases of books and tapes, are by women. Women who can't be close to their husbands have a propensity to develop a self-absorbing spritual intimacy with spiritual leaders - be they men or women. (emphasis in original)

There are multiple problems with this statement.

First, by offering her beliefs, isn't Debi contradicting her own husband's advice to their daughter?

I’ve already shown this as a faulty argument.

Second, by responding to such letters isn't she feeding the "self-absorbing" problem she laments?

She is referring to women being emotionally and spiritually absorbed with other men or women in ministry rather than their own husbands. By responding to women and showing women the error of this way of life would not be feeding their problem – it would be offering a solution.

Third, Debi makes an unsupported assertion about the motives of other minsitries, and specifically that of H____. This is a serious issue. Debi has established herself as a Titus 2 woman. Yet one of the qualifications of a Titus 2 woman is,

The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things.

Debi is treading on thin ice with respect to "false accusers" when attributing motives to others without offering any documentation.

Debi’s response encompasses many ministries which fall into this category of manipulation of women. Not necessarily that a ministry is manipulating women, but that women are easily manipulated due to their lack of sensibility. She is not picking on just this one ministry alone (which would then need documentation), rather pointing out the fact that women are easily deceived by these types of ministries because of their emotional insecurities. This is a truth that needs to be unveiled – it is all too common among women to give themselves over to “ministries” rather than to the Lord and their husbands. I applaud Debi for unveiling this truth (and doing so without naming any names of ministries). I believe that your review may be treading on the “thin ice” of false accusers.

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Posted by Dalyn

I'm so glad you have taken the time to step by step go through spunky's "review" (which, by the way, it obviously is NOT) and point out her faulty arguments, accusations, and slander. I have wanted to myself, but lack the time to do a thorough job right now. It needed to be done!

After reading all of her so-called reviews, and the comments she and others make on her blog-(that's another issue- she states at the begining she will delete any comments that get personal with the Pearls and aren't just about the review of the book itself, and she did NOT stick to that, and as a matter of fact uses her own comments to cast doubt on the integrity of their ministry and persons, not just that one book.) I am of the opinion that she is divisive and taking opportunity to "bite and devour" fellow believers. It sickens me to know that I even wasted my time bothering to read her slander, for if none of us gave her the forum to be poisonous to another christian sister's ministry (Debi Pearl) then she might stop. I see that the more attention this whole thing has gotten, the more argumentative spunky gets. I think she enjoys the attention a little too much. If we ignore her maybe she will stop. Ick.

It's no longer just about those of us who appreciate the loving ministry of the Pearls; I think we should stop and recognize that spunky's slander is wrong-no matter what direction it's aimed at. She is tearing down a ministry, arguing in a public forum over even the smallest issues (such as the number of children Sunny had!?), casting doubt on the honesty and integrity of a christian woman who loves the Lord (Debi Pearl) and inviting others to do so with her. (Deceit is in the heart of them that imagine evil: but to the counsellers of peace is joy. Pr. 12:20)

This whole thing makes us all look bad. It's an embarrassment. Spunky has been admonished, but refuses to give up her campaign. "He loveth transgression that loveth strife: and he that exalteth his gate seeketh destruction." Pr. 17:19

Again, thank you for doing this- and letting others know that TOS does not endorse the malicious tearing down of ministries- NGJ or otherwise.

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