Who is the Alpha at your house? Is it you, your spouse, or the Lord--or, heaven forbid, your three-year old? I ask this question in all earnestness, and I suspect that we all would like to say that the Lord is in charge of our homes, just like we all want to believe that we are members of the church of Philadelphia--you know, the one church out of the seven churches in the book of Revelation that was given a completely glowing review.

What got me thinking about this is that recently, I've had the opportunity to see the "pack" mentality of dogs in action, because my mom moved nearby, and she is a breeder of bichon frisés. These are cute, fuzzy, nice little dogs unless they are in a pack. Whenever you get a pack of dogs together, you end up with a leader or two, known as the alpha (female and/or male). This dog makes the rules, and keeps the rest of the pack in line. The interesting thing is that my mom, being the dogs' owner, is actually the alpha female of the pack, which allows her to be in charge and to have control over them. They'll (mostly) listen to her and have only bitten her once. I, on the other hand, am not an alpha anything, and if I so much as walk in the room, they'll start a barkathon--and I don't dare go into their territory alone--unless I want to be snarled at and perhaps "accidentally" bitten. Not all the dogs are like this, but there are a couple territorial ones. Needless to say, I avoid the entire pack at all costs.

However, this experience has reminded me of how we humans act within our families. After all, we know Who is supposed to be at the helm of homes, but sometimes we "forget" or our pride gets in the way. We may snarl and snap at our children or spouse to get them in line, sometimes picking battles with them just so that we can come out on top. We may allow one or more of our children to set the family's course, because it's just easier that way.

Picking battles with our children so that we can make them obey is sometimes touted in Christian circles as "training". For example, in this type of training, a parent may put a desirable object, such as a pair of eyeglasses, within a toddler's reach. When the toddler reaches for the object, the parent will "train" the child to leave the object alone by administering physical punishment, such as a smack on the hand  I believe that this sort of Pavlovian training is for dogs--not humans. I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father has not seen fit to "train" me in this manner. He doesn't entice me to sin, but He sent His beloved Son to intercede on my behalf when I do.

In both Ephesians 6:1 and Colossians 3:20, the directive is addressed to the children, "Children, obey your parents . . ."  It does not say, parents, make your children obey you. God in his wisdom knows that forced obedience is worthless, and creates a rebellious heart, which will rear its ugly head sooner or later, probably in the teenage years. True obedience flows from love and an appreciation and understanding of God's truth. That is not to say that we should not have set boundaries for behavior,  but that our discipline should be creatively designed to teach and guide our children towards a closer relationship with our Lord, not just outward obedience.

I pray that I will continually teach my children to love and obey God, and to help them as they seek to discover who God made them to be This is a far better way, and my prayer is that I will continually choose it. That is, to let the Lord Jesus Christ reign over our home. His mercy and grace can never be topped.