Well, as if our nightmare of a train trip weren't enough, when we returned home, our pesticide guy came out to perform our annual termite inspection. The good news? We don't have a termite problem. The bad news? Our garage and the apartment above is infested with wood borers. And, these little wood-boring beetles are chewing their way out of dormancy at an alarming rate. The ugly? Our house must be fumigated at a cost of around $4,200. That's right $4,200--and that's with a favored customer discount (I'll bet I'm this guy's favorite customer, as I'm the one paying for his next Mediterranean cruise.) It's mind boggling to think of the beautiful kayaks I could have bought for that amount of money--for the whole neighborhood.

Instead of spiffy new kayaks and grateful neighbors, we are presented with the unique opportunity to create a neighborhood spectacle and eyesore by having our home completely covered with plastic tarps, accompanied by brightly-colored signs posted in the front yard that say "Set foot on this property and you will become mutants just like the folks who ordinarily live there, but are temporarily lodging elsewhere--for three fun-filled days and nights. Feel free to treat them as pariahs when they return and mutter things under your breath about toxic waste, and how the problem was undoubtedly caused by all those blasted barnyard animals they keep over there."

So, if you were wondering what happened to us after our L-O-N-G train trip to and from Pennsylvania, about which all I can say is, "BLASTED CELLPHONES in the middle of the night", please rest assured that we are still remotely recognizable as members of the human race. Enough so, that if we should decide to take a dip in the local river while "vacationing" at my mom's, an alligator would certainly recognize us as a potential next meal--if, perhaps, not the most appetizing one.

Now,  I'm off to remove everything from the cupboards and shelves of our home that might be considered ingestible.  Thank heavens we no longer have a toddler or I'd be packing up the entire contents of the house, including the palmetto bugs.  Ewwww!  Gross! For those of you uninitiated to the delights of southern living, a "palmetto bug" is the quaint, low country term for really enormous American cockroaches with wings. They are also sometimes referred to as water bugs--and if you're not careful they may carry you off in the middle of the night if you aren't forthcoming about the exact location of last night's dinner leftovers.

Anyway, on with the clearing of the pantry. Apples-check, oatmeal-check, last year's Halloween and Christmas candy-check. Oh, no, wait! Ewww, gross! Toss those candy canes. I don't think the plastic wrapper would ever come off those. Cheerios-check, dehydrated veggie chips-What? Are those considered even remotely edible by anyone? And who put those in my shopping cart anyway? What on earth should I do with them? I think I recall reading something about it being illegal to throw toxic stuff in the garbage. Well now, let me think. Aha! The rose bushes could use a little mulch underneath. Might kill 'em, though...

Anyway, I'll be back at my keyboard sometime soon, even if I am typing with a couple of extra digits...