Jun. 27, 2008

   Note: For those who already read this post, I've added a couple of pictures.

   What can I say about the people on hsb?, other than you all are some of the most wonderful people that The Lord could of put in my life and the lives of my children. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the sweet e-mails, comments and private messages that you all sent to me and my family. I will never be able to tell you all how much your thoughts and prayers have meant to me and my children. All I can say is Thank You and I pray God's Blessings on each one of you.

   I have received numerous e-mails and private messages asking if we were okay, cause I hadn’t posted an entry in a while. These past couple of weeks has been some of the hardest weeks I’ve had to live since Elgin was killed. Lots of feelings inside of me right now that I haven’t had to deal with till recently. I’m having to deal with a lot of grief, my children and I are having to deal with the fact that Elgin was not just taken from us in a head on collision, but he was killed by a drunk driver who was also on drugs. I’m having to deal with some anger. Anger towards the drugs, anger towards the alcohol, anger towards bad choices. I’m to the point that I don’t even know how to think sometimes, all my thoughts are of Elgin. I try to think about what he’s doing at the moment. I was sitting on my back porch step the other evening and I was crying uncontrollably and my girls were trying to comfort me and I couldn’t be comforted. I looked up into the evening sky and asked God to tell Elgin how much I loved him and missed him, and in that split second a star appeared in between the branches of a tree and that star was just a twinkling and a twinkling. In that moment The Lord reminded me how when Elgin was very happy his eyes had a starry twinkle in them. I truly believe that with that twinkling star God was reminding me just how happy Elgin is right now. My worst times are in the evening. A few days ago I realized why evenings are my worst times. Faithfully every evening at 7:00, Elgin would call me from truck driving and we’d talk about our day and now my heart is going through what I would call “withdrawals”. Evening times use to be my best times cause it was the time that we’d spend talking on the phone, now I dread it coming.

   For Father’s Day my girls and I couldn’t go to church. Our hearts couldn’t be around anything that even resembled “a Dad”. So, we went and visit a dear friend of ours and her 3 daughters. They were such an encouragement to my girls and I. We came home full of hope and ideas on things that we can do to bring in some income into our home.

    I called the “Mother’s Against Drunk Drivers” and spoke to one of their counselors. They were very supportive in what my family and I are going through. There is actually one thing that bothers me and that is, I was not Elgin’s Mother, our daughter’s were not his Mother and our son was also not his Mother. We were Elgin’s Family. We are “A Family Against Drunk Drivers.” So, I’m trying to organize a site to offer support to “The Whole Family”. Where Families can go and write about their “nightmare” and get support from other families who can honestly say, “I know what you’re going through”. So, with The Lord’s help, it will happen.

   We were blessed with some very special visitors. The Dixon Family came to visit us from Indiana on their way to visit family in Louisiana.

Most of you will know them as Amanda (Super Angel) and Jocelyn (A Pondering Heart) from hsb, along with all of the little Dixons. Also included was Mom (Jacque) and Dad (Matt). It was wonderful finally getting to meet the family after reading their blogs for the past year. I must confess that I was not the best of a hostess at the time. It still was great to have them in our home and I do pray that we can get together again one day soon.

    I thought I’d share with you some of the sweet things Elgin use to do.

   Elgin and my favorite song was, “I Got You Babe” by Sonny & Cher. No, we didn’t like Cher; we only liked her with Sonny singing “I Got You Babe.” Elgin carried a cassette in his truck of “I Got You Babe” and every time he’d come home and drive up in the driveway, he’d have “our song” blaring out of the speakers. Our children had a slide show of pictures made of Elgin and I and they had it showing up on the wall of the church for his funeral service and it was playing to “our song”. One day we were out in the front yard and Elgin was singing “our song” to me and next thing I knew he had me in his arms and we were dancing to “our song”.

We didn’t know that Sarah was sneaking out of the door and snapping pictures of us. (Thank God for sneaky children who took “memory pictures” for those of us left behind)

   How many times I would wake up in the morning and find little notes of “love” written within a heart shape taped to the bathroom mirror.

   He would often hear a love song on the radio while trucking and would call home and leave it play on our answering machine, so when I got home and played the message I would hear a special love song meant just for me.

   A couple of times he surprised me with an evening out at a Bed & Breakfast. I never told him that I didn’t care to sleep away from home, but I knew how much he enjoyed it.  

   Every year he would take me on a trip to Northeast Ohio, just because he knew how much I loved the area.

   While pumping gas into the van, he would press his face against the car window and make our girls laugh. I would fuss them and tell them not to encourage him, but, once they laughed there was no stopping him from continuing.

   After my Mom died she had left me her 25^th Wedding Anniversary ring that my Dad gave to her. Well, my Mom had tiny little fingers and her ring was too small for me, so Elgin got it enlarged and put it on a single band. When he picked up the ring from the jewelers he also picked up a Paul Overstreet c.d. with the song “Long Line of Love” on it. When he came home I was sick in bed and he had one of our girls find him a C.D. player and he put that song on, and while it was playing he got on his knee next to the bed and put that ring on my finger and kissed it. I can remember that day like it was yesterday.

   Elgin would come home on Friday evenings and first thing Saturday morning, he was up at the crack of dawn to make his trip to the Amish Community. Oh how he loved to go visit the Amish to get his fresh milk and eggs. Then he'd come home just as I was getting up and he'd say, "Where's my breakfast woman?" (He didn't say it bossy, but in a silly sort of way)

   Elgin was a truck driver making deliveries of offshore oilfield equipment down on the bayous of Southeast Louisiana. He would work for two weeks and come home for a few days and then go back down for two weeks. Well, when he was working I’d call him and tell him about things around the house that needed working on and he’d always tell me to put it down on his list to do when he got home. Elgin was the only man that I know of that would actually do his “honey do” list with out complaining. I knew that this was one of his ways of telling me how much he loved me. Now, I almost panic when I have to figure out how I’m going to get things fixed around the house. Oh God how I miss “My Man”. I miss his contagious laugh, how his eyes would crinkle and he couldn’t catch his breath and tears would start to run down his cheeks. Even if what he was laughing at wasn’t funny, you would start to laugh from him laughing. He absolutely loved his Grandbabies. He made sure that if he was working on something that he would take the time to show them how to do things. He was so proud of his children. He loved to take Sarah to play her violin on Tuesday evenings and after church of Sunday’s. He was so proud of her; you could see the pride in his face when people would compliment his little “pochanie” on her playing.

    In April I did a tag from my dear friend Belinda, (luvs2bemom) on 10 Things I love about my Husband, little did I know that about 3 weeks later Elgin would be killed. I am so thankful that he read my entries and that he truly knew how I felt about him. I’d like to repost that tag.

  

10 Things I love about my Husband!!!

 

  1.  He makes me laugh all the time. In fact that’s one of the things that I   
      loved about him back when we first met in the 2^nd grade.

 2.  He loves God.

 3.  He loves his children and grandbabies.

 4.  He's a good daddy.

 5.  He's a great provider.

 6.  He's one of the hardest working men that I know, with our son coming in 
      2^nd.

 7.  He still takes me on dates after 33 yrs. of marriage.

 8.  He's the only man that I know of that actually does his “honey do” list  

      for his wife AND does not complain about it even if it’s two feet long.

 9.  He spoiled me rotten. Whatever I ask for, He does his best to please   

      me.

10.  He's 100% Cajun. He talks like a Cajun, Walks like a Cajun, Acts like a  
      Cajun and thinks like a Cajun. Gotta love My “Cajun Man.” 

     Now, that’s only 10, I could actually have added a couple more dozen, but  

      I  don’t want to make other ladies out there jealous.