Note: For those who already read this post, I've added a couple of pictures.
What can I say about the people on hsb?, other than you all are some of the most wonderful people that The Lord could of put in my life and the lives of my children. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the sweet e-mails, comments and private messages that you all sent to me and my family. I will never be able to tell you all how much your thoughts and prayers have meant to me and my children. All I can say is Thank You and I pray God's Blessings on each one of you.
I have received numerous e-mails and private messages asking if we were okay, cause I hadn’t posted an entry in a while. These past couple of weeks has been some of the hardest weeks I’ve had to live since Elgin was killed. Lots of feelings inside of me right now that I haven’t had to deal with till recently. I’m having to deal with a lot of grief, my children and I are having to deal with the fact that Elgin was not just taken from us in a head on collision, but he was killed by a drunk driver who was also on drugs. I’m having to deal with some anger. Anger towards the drugs, anger towards the alcohol, anger towards bad choices. I’m to the point that I don’t even know how to think sometimes, all my thoughts are of Elgin. I try to think about what he’s doing at the moment. I was sitting on my back porch step the other evening and I was crying uncontrollably and my girls were trying to comfort me and I couldn’t be comforted. I looked up into the evening sky and asked God to tell Elgin how much I loved him and missed him, and in that split second a star appeared in between the branches of a tree and that star was just a twinkling and a twinkling. In that moment The Lord reminded me how when Elgin was very happy his eyes had a starry twinkle in them. I truly believe that with that twinkling star God was reminding me just how happy Elgin is right now. My worst times are in the evening. A few days ago I realized why evenings are my worst times. Faithfully every evening at 7:00, Elgin would call me from truck driving and we’d talk about our day and now my heart is going through what I would call “withdrawals”. Evening times use to be my best times cause it was the time that we’d spend talking on the phone, now I dread it coming.
For Father’s Day my girls and I couldn’t go to church. Our hearts couldn’t be around anything that even resembled “a Dad”. So, we went and visit a dear friend of ours and her 3 daughters. They were such an encouragement to my girls and I. We came home full of hope and ideas on things that we can do to bring in some income into our home.
I called the “Mother’s Against Drunk Drivers” and spoke to one of their counselors. They were very supportive in what my family and I are going through. There is actually one thing that bothers me and that is, I was not Elgin’s Mother, our daughter’s were not his Mother and our son was also not his Mother. We were Elgin’s Family. We are “A Family Against Drunk Drivers.” So, I’m trying to organize a site to offer support to “The Whole Family”. Where Families can go and write about their “nightmare” and get support from other families who can honestly say, “I know what you’re going through”. So, with The Lord’s help, it will happen.
We were blessed with some very special visitors. The Dixon Family came to visit us from Indiana on their way to visit family in Louisiana.
Most of you will know them as Amanda (Super Angel) and Jocelyn (A Pondering Heart) from hsb, along with all of the little Dixons. Also included was Mom (Jacque) and Dad (Matt). It was wonderful finally getting to meet the family after reading their blogs for the past year. I must confess that I was not the best of a hostess at the time. It still was great to have them in our home and I do pray that we can get together again one day soon.
I thought I’d share with you some of the sweet things Elgin use to do.
Elgin and my favorite song was, “I Got You Babe” by Sonny & Cher. No, we didn’t like Cher; we only liked her with Sonny singing “I Got You Babe.” Elgin carried a cassette in his truck of “I Got You Babe” and every time he’d come home and drive up in the driveway, he’d have “our song” blaring out of the speakers. Our children had a slide show of pictures made of Elgin and I and they had it showing up on the wall of the church for his funeral service and it was playing to “our song”. One day we were out in the front yard and Elgin was singing “our song” to me and next thing I knew he had me in his arms and we were dancing to “our song”.
We didn’t know that Sarah was sneaking out of the door and snapping pictures of us. (Thank God for sneaky children who took “memory pictures” for those of us left behind)
How many times I would wake up in the morning and find little notes of “love” written within a heart shape taped to the bathroom mirror.
He would often hear a love song on the radio while trucking and would call home and leave it play on our answering machine, so when I got home and played the message I would hear a special love song meant just for me.
A couple of times he surprised me with an evening out at a Bed & Breakfast. I never told him that I didn’t care to sleep away from home, but I knew how much he enjoyed it.
Every year he would take me on a trip to Northeast Ohio, just because he knew how much I loved the area.
While pumping gas into the van, he would press his face against the car window and make our girls laugh. I would fuss them and tell them not to encourage him, but, once they laughed there was no stopping him from continuing.
After my Mom died she had left me her 25th Wedding Anniversary ring that my Dad gave to her. Well, my Mom had tiny little fingers and her ring was too small for me, so Elgin got it enlarged and put it on a single band. When he picked up the ring from the jewelers he also picked up a Paul Overstreet c.d. with the song “Long Line of Love” on it. When he came home I was sick in bed and he had one of our girls find him a C.D. player and he put that song on, and while it was playing he got on his knee next to the bed and put that ring on my finger and kissed it. I can remember that day like it was yesterday.
Elgin would come home on Friday evenings and first thing Saturday morning, he was up at the crack of dawn to make his trip to the Amish Community. Oh how he loved to go visit the Amish to get his fresh milk and eggs. Then he'd come home just as I was getting up and he'd say, "Where's my breakfast woman?" (He didn't say it bossy, but in a silly sort of way)
Elgin was a truck driver making deliveries of offshore oilfield equipment down on the bayous of Southeast Louisiana. He would work for two weeks and come home for a few days and then go back down for two weeks. Well, when he was working I’d call him and tell him about things around the house that needed working on and he’d always tell me to put it down on his list to do when he got home. Elgin was the only man that I know of that would actually do his “honey do” list with out complaining. I knew that this was one of his ways of telling me how much he loved me. Now, I almost panic when I have to figure out how I’m going to get things fixed around the house. Oh God how I miss “My Man”. I miss his contagious laugh, how his eyes would crinkle and he couldn’t catch his breath and tears would start to run down his cheeks. Even if what he was laughing at wasn’t funny, you would start to laugh from him laughing. He absolutely loved his Grandbabies. He made sure that if he was working on something that he would take the time to show them how to do things. He was so proud of his children. He loved to take Sarah to play her violin on Tuesday evenings and after church of Sunday’s. He was so proud of her; you could see the pride in his face when people would compliment his little “pochanie” on her playing.
In April I did a tag from my dear friend Belinda, (luvs2bemom) on 10 Things I love about my Husband, little did I know that about 3 weeks later Elgin would be killed. I am so thankful that he read my entries and that he truly knew how I felt about him. I’d like to repost that tag.
10 Things I love about my Husband!!!
1. He makes me laugh all the time. In fact that’s one of the things that I
loved about him back when we first met in the 2nd grade.
2. He loves God.
3. He loves his children and grandbabies.
4. He's a good daddy.
5. He's a great provider.
6. He's one of the hardest working men that I know, with our son coming in
2nd.
7. He still takes me on dates after 33 yrs. of marriage.
8. He's the only man that I know of that actually does his “honey do” list
for his wife AND does not complain about it even if it’s two feet long.
9. He spoiled me rotten. Whatever I ask for, He does his best to please
me.
10. He's 100% Cajun. He talks like a Cajun, Walks like a Cajun, Acts like a
Cajun and thinks like a Cajun. Gotta love My “Cajun Man.”
Now, that’s only 10, I could actually have added a couple more dozen, but
I don’t want to make other ladies out there jealous.
Comments
Jun. 27, 2008 - HUGS!
Posted by SuperAngel
I am sorry you are having a rough time! I am constantly praying and thinking about y'all!
God is right there with you and He is holding your arms up! You will come through this struggle!
Love you Mrs. Lirette!
You were such a sweet and gracious hostess! Please don't tell yourself you weren't! I am now craving some more of that Cajun food! That was so good.
I will continuing praying for you! I wish I could offer more words that would lift your spirits, but I know God will help you!
Thank you so much for your awesome example of a wife! I can only hope to live up to such examples as you and my mama have given me!
BIG HUGE HUGS!
Love to you!
Amanda
http://superangelsblog.com
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Jun. 27, 2008 - <em>Untitled Comment</em>
Posted by dcellis
What a wonderful post today. Thank you for sharing and updating us all. I know the pain is still great, but give yourself time. The star in the sky - WOW! God is good, isn't He? I often ask God to tell my Mom that I love her and things like that, too. I also can't help but think that God gives her and my other loved ones there with Him a view of the good times we have. My brother, Matt, just bought his first home and I pictured God calling my mom over and giving her a peak at this joyous occasion. It gives me comfort to think that. As far as the MADD thing goes, even if you don't go to those meetings, I do encourage some type of grief support. I attend our local Hospice Grief Support group when I can. It has been extremely helpful.
Edited by dcellis on Jun. 27, 2008 at 3:11 AM
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Jun. 27, 2008 - Dear sweet Josephine
Posted by indygirl
I thank GOD everyday for bringing you and your family into our lives..I would like to be your next door neighbor forever..Elgin once told Mama that she was the best neighbor he ever had, little did he know that he was the best neighbor EVER...We miss him terribly... Please take care of yourself...Praying for the pain to stop...
Love you,
Cathy...
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Jun. 27, 2008 - Memories
Posted by Godsgirlnga
Dearest Josephine,
You know Memories are God's way of keeping those we love in our hearts. Thank God for good memories!!! Praying for you and your family, knowing God is your comfort and your strength. I think your blogs are speaking to us ( wives) to cherish our husbands, and live each day as if it we're our last. Your a blessing to me and I promise to keep you in prayer. God is with you, he walks beside you, behind you, and he is ever leading you!!! (((hugs)))
PS: Jaque and her family are awesome!!!
Robyn
http://ourdowlinghome.blogspot.com
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Jun. 27, 2008 - Praying
Posted by Anonymous
I got this in an email this morning and just wanted to share. Love Pat
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/PatsPlace/
A Prayer When in Mourning
by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale
Heavenly Father, you know how deep my grief
is. I long for the touch of a hand, the sound of
a voice that is stilled. You are merciful and kind.
You will comfort my wounded heart. Wipe the tears
from my eyes. Thank you for understanding so well
our poor human hearts and for letting us lean on
you. In Jesus name. Amen.
God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.
(Revelation 7:16-17)
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Jun. 27, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Kinley
I am glad to see a new post. You're never far from my thoughts or prayers.
Kristy
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Jun. 27, 2008 - Thank You
Posted by JacqueDixonSoulRestES
for sharing your life and Your Man with us. It is an honor to know you and him.
You were a fine hostess. We loved spending the short time there and wish we could have spent a week!
Thank you for having us, my dear friend. I would say that friends on HSB are awesome. I am thankful to God for all of the online sisters he has given us.
I love you all. Praying for you continually.
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Jun. 28, 2008 - You are welcome!
Posted by SuperAngel
It is amazing that people how the Body will lift each other up in prayer! It is so awesome!
I was thinking about y'all today! Miss you!
Love,
Amanda
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Jun. 29, 2008 - Elgin
Posted by theheartofthehome
Elgin sounds like he was an amazing man. What a tribute your posts are of his life and his legacy. He truly lived his love and faith didn't he? I feel somewhat of a void of never getting to meet this man on this earth but I look forward to meeting him in heaven.
Elgin reminds me of my husband in some of the things he says and does, too. How sweet.
I can only imagine how you are trying to face each day. I know when my Dad died, Mom would say over and over again she understood how a broken heart felt. She would point to her heart and say how much it hurt, physically hurt. My Dad was another awesome man.
It doesn't feel like I but time will truly bring joy back to you and your family. I know your children wonder how they will make it without their Dad. I sure did. I miss him terribly and though Dad has been with Jesus for 23 years it seems like yesterday in how much I miss him.
I promise you will make it. Only through the Lord has our family made it.
Keeping you all in our prayers. Sending lots of {{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}} your way.
In His love,
Janet
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Jun. 29, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Lachney1
Hey Josephine,
I'm still praying for you. I do believe that anger is the next step. I'm sure that once you deal with that, then it will get a little easier.
People don't realize that their actions affect other people. Everything that we do is going to affect someone somewhere. Apparently that guy didn't realize that the things he was putting in his body was going to have serious consequences on someone else. I think it's great that you are going to start a website for families that have lost loved ones through drunk driving. I'm sure that this is something that will lead to bigger things. You may be on Capitol Hill one day!!!!! You go girl!!!!
Isn't it amazing how much God loves us and that He sent you a sign? Yes, Elgin is up in Heaven and he's enjoying himself. God wanted you to know that.
You should find something to occupy your time at 7:00 each evening. It needs to be something that you will be really engrossed in, so that you aren't paying attention to the clock. I believe it takes 21 days to start a new habit. Find something that you and your girls can do together at that time.
Elgin sounds like a true romantic at heart. You were richly blessed by that. I wish that my husband was more romantic like that. He does do sweet things for me, but nothing like you have described. After reading your blog earlier, I cut out a heart and wrote "I Love You" on it. I put it in one of his dresser drawers. Hopefully.....he'll get the message and then do something sweet for me too.
You should teach a class on how women should love their husbands. I think you would be great at that or maybe you should teach a class on how men should love their wives. LOL!!! I think they need that more than the women do. LOL!!!
I had to laugh about the pumping gas part. My husband does that to me and my girls. He doesn't put his face on the window, but he does make faces at us. We can't help but laugh at him. I would say that the thing that I love most about my husband is that he makes me laugh all the time. He's always doing silly stuff. He flirts with mannequins and asks them out for dates. He embarrasses our 16 year old, when he does this, but I think it's hilarious. He's not afraid to do anything silly in public and does not get embarrassed. My husband has a lot of the same qualities as your husband does too. I don't give him a "honey do" list though. I usually just tell him that something needs to be fixed and he does it. He's got some cajun in him too. His family was from Marksville. I love to her him talk in his cajun voice. LOL!!! He doesn't sound like that all the time, but he can say stuff that people in Marksville say and sound just like them. He didn't grow up in Marksville, so I guess that's why he doesn't talk like that all the time.
Please continue to write posts about your feelings. I think that helps you a lot.
Love in Christ,
Penny
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Jun. 30, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by TammysSpace
Josephine,
You are still in my thoughts and prayers. Your family is so special to us. I feel like there should be something else that we can do or say, I just don't know what it is. I am here and ready when you say the word, no matter what it is. Start thinking about doing some in your scrapbook, writing down some of your memories in it, it's very good therapy. I'm here to help, if you need me or just want me there.
Love,
Tammy
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Jun. 30, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by callmekate
I'm so sorry for all you are dealing with right now. Back when my own Dad died, my Mom dealt with a lot of the things you have mentioned. Our pastor counseled us on the stages of grief. Have you ever heard of this? The shock you feel in the beginning is a bit of a cushion, like a numb-feeling, and when that numb-feeling wears off, the pain can be really hard to bear. But you will get through this. Take each day at a time, each moment as it comes. One day, the pain won't be as bad and you will remember the good things more than the pain. I know it's hard to see that now and you don't need to but I just wanted to encourage you, if I can. God knows how you are feeling and He'll be there for you, always.
Thank you for sharing these things about your husband. He was quite a guy. I'm so glad he loved the Lord.
My mom has been widowed twice, most recently 2 years ago. There were certain times of the day that she struggled with (times that she really missed her husband because of their routine) and I suggested that she come up with something to do at that time of the day - something that would distract her and help her through. Perhaps this might help you in the evenings.
I hope I haven't said too much here. Just want to help however I can. I continue to pray for you and your children.
God bless,
Kate
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Jun. 30, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by OldSchoolMarm
Wow, I can remember reading this particular tag because I hadn't been blogging long and you were one of the first people to comment at my blog. I can remember thinking you and your husband must have a sweet marriage. Your love for your husband and his for you has not gone unnoticed by your daughters, they will desire a godly, hardworking, and loving husband too.
Still praying for you and your family,
Blessings, Julie
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Jul. 2, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Buckeyeblog
Bless your precios heart! What WONDERFUL memories you have of your man! I love a woman who loves her husband as much as I do. It breaks my heart at how many women aren't so blessed.
YOU were (and still are) LOVED by your man! How blessed that the Lord gave you that star to remember the love light in Elgin's eyes.
It's wonderful that Jacque and her family could visit you!! I'm sure you all were a blessing to each other. It's so wonderful to actually meet some of our blog friends. I was speaking at the Ohio homeschool convention (CHEO) this past weekend and I got to meet some of my blog friends. What a treat.
When you all would go to NE Ohio did you go to Holmes County? It's the larges population of Amish in the world. We live in SW Ohio (above Dayton) and have been there a few times. We have Old Order German Baptist, which live just like the Amish - buggies, no electric in their homes, etc. - and we, too, get our milk and eggs from them. LOVE those brown eggs!
I hope you have a wonderful day. God is STILL on the throne, dear one.
Blessings from Ohio, Kim Wolf<><
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