This was also in my inbox this morning...from my dear friend Donna. 

A little more about children in church...

From Leigh Bortins (founder of ClassicalConversations). This is a recent newsletter article from the founder of Classical Conversations.

Good Morning!
One Sunday morning, in the first church I joined as a
new believer, a toddler got loose from his father and
ran up on the stage behind the pastor. Many of the families in that
church worshipped with their children. Our pastor took
the opportunity to tell us that the running child was a delight to him and to
relate the following story. He had recently been in
Africa and was mulling over a question a native man asked. “How can you stand to be away from your children?” As a modern American
father, he was usually away from his family, and he was touched by
the dedication the African men showed their families.
Two weeks ago, I was in Newark waiting to board my
plane to India and I too was similarly touched. There
were both Indian and American travelers waiting and the contrast
was astonishing. No American children were in sight
but there were lots of Indian children wandering around. I kept assuming
certain men were their fathers only to be surprised
when another couple eventually took charge of the wanderer. Indian business men in suits were playing with perfect strangers on their
laps. I observed this dedication to children everywhere I went. Of course,
the village tribes all worshipped with their children
(and goats and cows) around and the congregants willingly steered stray
toddlers back towards their parents.

This week my church elders asked our congregation a
serious question. Not enough adults are volunteering
for nursery duty and they wanted to know what the congregation
thought the solution should be. Then an elder read
from Matthew when Jesus rebuked the disciples, “Suffer little children, and
forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of
heaven.” So I humbly ask:

1. Why do we relegate our children to the basement
when they’ve been invited to the feast by the King?
2. Why do we let disciples who think children are a
distraction define our services as being only for
adults?
3. Why do we not teach moms to hold their infants to
their breast during services?
4. Why do we not trust our toddlers to wander
occasionally in the loving security of our
congregation?
5. Why do we not teach fathers to train their
preschoolers to sit still for long stretches?
6. Why do we not teach our 4-8 year olds to draw
picture notes of the sermon?
7. Why do we not teach our school age children (and
adults) to take written notes of the sermon?
8. Why are our teenage sons not standing with their
fathers as they usher, collect tithes, preach, and
lead prayer and communion?
9. Why do we not have the men corporately pray for
their wives and the women corporately pray for the
singles?
10. Why do we not have our adults corporately pray for
the children and the children corporately rise up and
call their mothers
blessed?
11. Why are we surprised most children in evangelical
churches stop attending church as adults?
12. Why are we surprised so few fathers lead daily
family devotions?
13. Why are we surprised that our youth turn to their
friends instead of their fathers for affirmation?
I applaud the many American pastors who have shared
these ideas with me. They understand that the church
is the family
of families, and that the Bible instructs parents to
pass on the love of obeying Christ in all things to
their children.

Dear Lord, I pray that every parent will love teaching
their children to worship in a congregation that
welcomes the opportunity to train parents to lead a family devoted
to your service. Help us to literally suffer the
little children, and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

Love, Leigh

Hmmm...something to ponder.

Well, I stumbled across a little more about one of my favorite topics – family integrated worship - and I thought I'd share.

Read about it at Preschoolers and Peace. Note Kendra's reasons for taking her children into worship with her...

I've told many young parents this very thing. Once I tell them the "why" of why our children go to worship with us it is like a lightbulb goes off.

P.S.  Confession – I’m still trying to figure out how to integrate Bess. She is still in the nursery because I decided to wait until after Ben was born to start training her. Now that Ben is here I will have to wait until he is no longer in a sling and I have my lap free to hold her if necessary.

Today was Elisabeth’s first lesson in sitting still. She struggled at first, but finally settled down when Aaron gave her a quiet toy to look at. I’ve decided that every day or at least every weekday I will have her sit with me on the couch (or wherever) while I read to the older children (normally I would have let her play or I would have put her down for a nap first). For the first week or so (depending on how quickly she learns) I will set the timer for five minutes. The next week I will set the timer for 10 minutes, and the next 15 minutes, and so on until we have worked up to an hour. I don’t really think it will take a whole week for each time frame, but I’ve decided to start there and then let her set the pace.

Today, she struggled for a while and then once she had something in her hands she sat for another 30 minutes until I had finished reading. (Five minutes was the length of time I had decided on that I would force her to sit with me so had she struggled after the timer went off I would have let her down.)

I’ve decided that I don’t mind if she looks at a book or holds a toy (noiseless) while we read because eventually she will be taking “notes” in church so having her do something similar now doesn’t bother me.

I’ll let you know how she progresses.

You may be wondering (or maybe not – see previous posts on this topic) whether I decided to take Elisabeth (Bess) to worship with us or not. The truth is I am still undecided. For the moment I’ve decided that she will stay in the nursery until I figure out (plan) how to train her to sit still and quietly during service. I do believe that she can be taught to do this. The hesitation is mine and has more to do with me and whether or not I have the energy to train her right now. I think this issue is very similar to potty training. (Maybe any type of training.) Because I fully believe that potty training a child is more about whether mom is ready than it is about whether the child is ready. I honestly believe that all training boils down to consistency and determination on the part of the parent. The parent has to be ready to tackle the job ahead. That said, now is probably a better time to train her than once the baby arrives.

Here is what Elisabeth Elliot had to say about how to train small children (babies) to attend church. She has given me a little hope and a few ideas. Maybe her message will be beneficial for you as well.

blessings,

dani

Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul. –Psalm 143:8

One further, slightly disconnected thought…most Christians can be heard to say, “Children are a blessing from the Lord.” But we don’t really act like they are. We don’t really want them around. I think we often feel like they are a bothersome blessing.

Sometimes I feel like God has been testing my resolve on this with Bess. She screams and fusses and climbs all over everything and God says to me, “There, do you really believe it? Even now? Is she a blessing?” Yes Lord, even so. Although it sure would be nice if you’d calm her down a bit and grant me a bit of wisdom for I’m in great need.

If we are honest with ourselves, we like sending our children to SS because it gives us a break. We can focus on us, our needs, listen to the sermon and “get” something out of it…children get in the way. They take time. They have to be trained. They break our concentration. It’s nice to sit back on Sunday and take a brief break. I confess to feeling the same way and yet I wonder is this right?

Maybe it is all about training. People attended church for hundreds of years before SS was even invented. Did they stay home when their little ones were young? I think not. But, I also cannot imagine them (the children) being rowdy or noisy…

I picture beautiful children in their Sunday best sitting quietly, hands folded in their laps, staring up at light streaming through stained glass windows…maybe this is a memory of myself minus the beautiful part. I certainly stared at the windows enough…it is the one thing I miss.

I wish I could remember my own training…I guess I need to talk to my mom...I was raised Catholic and in the Catholic Church there is no SS. Children are in church with their parents. There is a crying room, but I can’t imagine my parents spending too much time in there. So I must have been trained or something. Then again, maybe it was the dress.

blessings,

dani

Behold, children are a gift of the Lord… (Psalm 127:3)

"Family driven faith is about more than just being a better parent.  This is a complete lifestyle and worldview overhaul.  If we believe that God calls us to worship Him without rivals, build our homes on a foundation of biblical love, adopt a biblical worldview, teach the Word in our homes, mark our homes as God’s territory, and keep our prosperity in check, then we must also believe that God intends for the church to aid and not hinder families in this process.  Unfortunately there are times when this is not the case.  I say unfortunately because we may be missing out on a tremendous revival.”                     -Voddie Baucham Jr.

I love the idea of family integrated church. But, I ponder how it works. Do the children all sit quietly while the pastor preaches? What about screaming babies? I think there is the idea at my church that people are unable to pay attention if there is a lot of noise or commotion. And that children under a certain age are unable to sit still. Personally I believe that if God wants you to hear something you will hear it even if you are in the midst of a tornado (or a room full of screaming wiggling little ones) but that is just me.

 I believe that families should worship together on the Lord’s Day. I believe that children (young and old) should sit with their parent’s during service. I even like the idea of no Sunday school and (I saw this on Baucham’s church website) lunch together on Sunday afternoon. I think this is how church used to be done and I have a feeling that it worked just fine. I have a feeling that because they did it that way they didn’t feel as rushed and worn out as we do today…I think if we had fewer commitments at church it would return to being a joyful time instead of feeling (as it often does) like work. I even believe that lunch after church would cure the problem that many married young adult Sunday school classes have of being unable to find time to socialize during the week or on Saturdays.

My problem is that this is not the way my church (which I dearly love) does church. Children are allowed in the worship service, but only if they can sit very quietly and never need to leave. If they do leave, they are technically not allowed back in. In fact no one is “allowed” to enter or leave the sanctuary after the service has started. The only way in or out is to go to the third floor and enter or exit that way. The doors aren’t locked but they are corded off. Sometimes I wonder how guests who are late to church react to this?

I remember when these measures went into place and how my heart dropped. At the time Caleb hadn’t started attending big church with us and I felt like the new “rules” were set up just to exclude little ones. But, I’m not going to talk about my church because as I said I dearly love it and I don’t want you to think badly of it. It is a wonderful Christ-centered church and things are run in a way that (I believe) is typical of large churches.

I am thinking about attempting to train my new little one and possibly Bess to sit through church from the beginning. (See the previous posts.) But, I’m wondering what I will do when they are potty training. I’m also wondering what I will do when my new little one (due in April) starts to howl…I guess I will be sitting in the lobby a lot or more than likely Mark will send him or both of them (Bess and the baby) off to the nursery. Mark told me yesterday that he simply can’t imagine Bess ever sitting still long enough (at this age) to make it through service. I guess I have a lot of work to do.

All of our older children including Caleb attend worship with us, but they also attend Sunday school (SS) first while we attend SS and I see no way to change this short of changing churches which isn’t going to happen unless we move.

In his book, Family Driven Faith Baucham suggests starting a family integrated SS class…which is a definite idea and would solve part of the problem.

In the meantime, I’ll just have to do the best I can do…

blessings,

dani

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. (Deuteronomy 6:5)

Lately, I’ve been pondering family worship.

I know this is crazy, but it has my mind caught in a vise-like grip. I feel caught without a game plan. I think conundrum might be the right word although maybe not…

Here is my dilemma. How do I do it/make it (family worship) work without everyone (primarily my order loving husband and the one who must lead us in this endeavor) crazy? How do I maintain a peaceful (ordered) home during this time? In short, how do I get my very active 20m old toddler to sit quietly for 20-30 minutes while Dad reads the Bible, etc.

I know the answer, but I wish there was an easier way.

More in Part 2.

So many parents think they don’t have enough Bible knowledge to teach their children.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  If you can read, you can teach your children God’s word.  All you have to do is stay a step ahead of them. Don’t be afraid.  God has given you everything you need to do this.  You don’t have to be a seminary-trained theologian to read the Bible and talk about what it means. Besides, God would not have given you the responsibility unless He knew you could handle it.  One of the oft-forgotten Reformation doctrines is the doctrine of the perspicuity (or understanding) of the Bible. God has given us the Bible in an understandable form.  We do not have to break codes or unravel riddles in order to understand the basic teaching of God’s word.”

                                                   -Voddie T. Baucham Jr.

blessings,

dani

You shall…talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. (Deuteronomy 6:7)