Squabble? What an odd word. But it happens. Daily it seems. (Sigh) It takes so much energy to deal with - wasted energy. I hate squabbles. Our homes should be peaceful havens…squabbles should be few and far between and quickly dispensed with. Right?

So how do I respond when the children come to me upset over this or that offense? I tell them to “work it out”. I don’t want to be a part of it. If I become a part of it, they both (all) lose. I take the toy, or turn off the show or end whatever game they are playing. This has been my strategy for years now…but as the children have grown and started to reason this strategy is not enough and I find myself embroiled in their squabbles – much to my dismay. So you can imagine how thankful I was when this morning I found this link to this wonderful advice on how to deal with squabbles in my inbox. Thanks so much to Spunky and her wisdom. This is truly Titus 2 in action. (Hat tip to the Homeschool Minute- sorry I don't know how to link to you.)

Just in case you are not familiar with the term (and because I love to look up words even when I know their meaning)…

Squabble - (intransitive verb) argue noisily over something unimportant, to have a petty argument over a trivial matter. (Encarta)

Squabble – (noun) petty loud argument; a noisy argument over a petty matter. (Encarta)

Note the word “petty”. As I was reading through Spunky’s tips I couldn’t help but think about how often we  – Christian adults – get into petty, maybe not loud, noisy arguments, but unimportant, unnecessary arguments none-the-less with each other.  Especially at church…over theology, over child rearing, over how things should be done, over whether or not to homeschool…sigh…

It’s heartbreaking really. How much better if we would just follow #1 or  #2 on Spunky’s list and take our offenses to the Lord first. Maybe if we did that they would cease to offend us quite so much.

Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity! Psalm 133:1

When we take the opportunity to expose our children to the glory of God displayed in a rainbow or powerful ocean waves or a star-studded night sky, we are helping them understand that there is a Being much bigger than themselves who created the universe and holds it together with his power.  When we tell them about our answered prayers and those amazing “coincidences” that confirm God’s presence in our lives, we help them realize that God is close and caring and active in our daily circumstances.  When we explain the things we have been able to do in the Holy Spirit’s power that we couldn’t accomplish alone, we help them understand how God works and what he can accomplish through us.  As we tell them “look” and “observe,” we instill the hope that a supernatural Being more powerful than we can understand intervenes in time and space to help us and to interact with our lives. –Sally Clarkson, The Ministry of Motherhood

Okay, part 2, why do I take them with me? The answer is simple…

Mark works until 7:00 p.m. five days a week and I have no one I can leave the children with during the day so that means if I want to do anything they have to come with me. So you might be wondering why I don’t run my errands after Mark gets home at night. Well, the answer to that is simple also…I like to spend my evenings with him and I don’t like to run errands at night. (Plus, he doesn’t like me out at night by myself.) He is gone all day. It doesn’t make sense to me to disappear the minute he gets home, plus, he has spent all day working hard. He deserves to rest a little. I don’t pass the kids off to him the minute he walks in the door. Also, it seems a waste of time to me to have all day to do things and then wait until evening or the weekend to run my errands just so I won’t have to worry about having the children in tow. Why not accomplish two things at once – training them and my errands. Does this mean I wouldn’t prefer to run my errands with only one or two or none…sure, but I have to decide what is best for now and right now taking them all with me and choosing to spend my nights (and weekends) at home with my husband (and as a family) outweighs my desire for what would be easier.

Plus, just think of the lessons in self-control, patience and putting others first that they are learning while they are with me. Not to mention the socialization aspect. Grin. What about me? Do I get anything good out of taking them with me…well I get to get out of the house…and I continually learn the folly of a prideful heart, because without fail my pride (in my children and myself) gets trampled...not to mention the lessons in self-control, patience and putting others first that I also learn…especially after repeated trips to the bathroom.

So all that to introduce this article entitled “Homeschoolers threaten our cultural comfort”.  The article made me chuckle. Check it out. (Hat tip to Yoshika Lowe and the Smoothing the Way email I received this morning.)

A few days ago I was out with all the kids and ran into a sweet friend from church. She looked at all my kids and me and asked the question I get asked just about every time I run into someone, “How do you do it with all of them?” It meaning shop or handle all of them on my own. There is also the unasked question of “why” do I do it alone? Why do I take them with me?

Well, the answers are simple. First How…

How do I do handle all of them? I train them. The children start going to the store with me as infants and after a few hundred trips and lots of training (discipline) they finally “get it”.  (Just joking, it doesn’t really take that long; they actually learn very quickly what behavior is acceptable and what behavior isn’t.) Does that mean that they are perfect little angels every time we go out? No. They are still human and their bent is toward sin so some training takes place every time we go out, (with five kids someone is always pushing the limits) but after a few trips they know what is expected of them and they know that when they choose to be disobedient consequences result.

Here is a very important training tip (maybe the most important one – I even heard SuperNanny use it the other day…although I’ve used it for years):  before you get out of your car/van/SUV– tell your kids what you expect of them. Tell them exactly how you expect them to behave and do this every single time you go anywhere. Prepare them for what is coming. Kids have short memories. If you do this, and you tell them what consequence will result if they are disobedient you will be amazed at how well they will behave…and you won’t have any question in your mind as to whether or not they knew what behavior was expected of them when you do have to discipline them for not following your instructions. Do this even with the little ones. Children as young as 18m can start learning to be obedient. And follow through with the consequence if they do disobey you. But, not in public. Save it for the car or better yet make them wait until they get home. Talk to them in the car afterwards…praise them for a job well done, or if they didn’t do a good job explain to them how they could have done better. Ask them to tell you how they think they did and what (if anything) they did that they shouldn’t have done. Don’t just assume your children know how to behave or what you expect of them.

More in part 2.

This week has been a busy week. We’ve been out of the house for some part of each day. Busy doing needful things, necessary things…and yet my home reflects my absence. Too many tasks have been left undone.

With five children, keeping up with the upkeep requires my constant attention. When I’m not home my home reflects my absence and the work piles up.

So this morning I am reminded of the fact that to be a “keeper at home” (Titus 2:4-5) I need to be at home.

What about you? Are your needful and necessary tasks keeping you from your home?

What is the difference between the word home and house?

A home is not a home unless the lady is there making it a home. – Debi Pearl