May. 17, 2008 - Being a barren old lass will always be a part of me
That sounds crass doesn't it? Well, I guess I grew up surrounded by too many boys.
So there is no doubt now that we are back on this baby making journey. It's a lot easier this time around because we have two boys who keep us busy (and drive us nuts) and we don't feel empty. If things don't turn out in our favor it will be disappointing, but not devastating.
When I became pregnant with Luke I made a list of the supplements and things I was taking. I thought I would never forget why or how much of each thing I was taking because for so many years it consumed me. I was happy to have that chapter of my life closed and put away. I forgot. Now I'm creaking that book open again and visiting old sites trying to remember how much of this and that I took and why. Trying to recreate what worked with Luke, but not sure if it will work again.
Walking that path again is stirring up all the old feelings I put away and I came across this site:
http://www.tearsandhope.com/emptyarms_video.html
It made me remember all those things I was happy to forget. I thought it would be good to remind others that still so many people struggle with infertility. It changes you forever. It changes your priorities, it changes your perspective on life. I don't think you ever get over the vulnerability, probably because you shouldn't... it's not a malady, it's a realization. Some people never have the opportunity to feel so completely dependant on the Lord. Our infertility was a blessing, and I hope that everyone who struggles with it benefits in the same ways that we did.
