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Apr. 19, 2006
Finding Sweet Gems on a Wednesday
Today was a fun day.
I enjoyed the sweet baby girl I care for a few days a week, she just rolled over today! The kids are on spring break and took the day to play with the neighbor kids, and I let them go swimming! Brrr... Too cold for me still, but they spent all day in it.
This afternoon while the baby was sleeping and the kids were swimming, I had a few quiet, blissful moments, listening too and singing along with:
Willie Nelson and Merle Haggard, "One Day At a Time"
Loretta Lynn and Patsy Kline, " How Great Though Art"
Charlie Pride "On the Wings of A Dove" (I love this song)
The Carter Family " The Church in The Wildwood"
Johnny Cash and June Carter " Peace In The Valley"
I've said before one of my favorite and prominent childhood memories was of my dads voice singing or whistling hymns as he worked inside or outside the house.
So naturally hymns are a favorite of mine. I learned to play the piano by learning those hymns as some kids learn to read by reading the bible.
My dad always had a rope swing for me in a tree somewhere, no matter where we lived. There was always plenty of trees and plenty of grass growing up.
I'd go out and swing in those big old trees, so at peace, and humming my own little songs, and dreaming whistfully of the days I'd be grown, and have a family of my own.
I was born to be a wife and mother, and nurture a family. It comes as naturally for me as breathing.
I wonder if my husband realizes what a simple country girl he married :). Pleasures for me, is good food on the table, big warm hearts, strong hands, and together enjoying the beauty and handiwork of God that surrounds us.
Paradise this side of heaven as far as I'm concerned.
My husband and I had this ongoing challenge of who was more country. Here my city slicker Los Angeles born and raised husband would challenge me, on who was more country as his family was from the back roads of Louisianna. But I would boast I grew up on farms and was raised in the country, so of course I was more country!
Well one day he finally got the best of me... The question was what do you do with left over dried out corn husk? I was clueless, but the realization of the answer struck me once I read the expression on his face:) He had me. So my city slicker won the admiration of a simple country girl, for a man who knows a thing or two about back woods livin ;)
I've thought about pursuing homesteading here in the city. An urban homesteader. You can create what ever kind of life you want for yourselves and your family behind your own doors right? I can make soap, grow vegetables in containers. It's possible.
But don't know how country my husband REALLY is ;) Not sure how'd he'd feel about having a worm bin under the kitchen sink, and pole beans canvassing the in ground pool that takes up the whole back yard :), so I am not too ambitious in pursing those dreams here in the city, I just strive to bring some of the simple day to day things that are reminders of my upbringing, and the inheritance of my youth into everyday living.
I could just do what I wanted, but though he's not here, he is in my heart, so I go on living and making decisions that honor him as best I can.
I get up when he gets up, it make me feel closer to him. Thats not a small matter considering he gets up at 4am everyday! But I look forward to it, as I know when his eyes open, so are mine. My last thought before I sleep is with him, and the first thought when I awake is of him, and the first words spoken each day is for him. Lifting him in prayer, asking the Lord to watch over him, and to bless him. To hold him close in the shelter of His wings, to guide, and lead, protect and strengthen, no matter where the road may take him that day.
Before, I did things for him, though not enough. But I did love him the best I new how at the time. I have to admit though... some of my doing was to get something. Love. Recognition. Need.
Now I've realized my doing for him is doing it as doing it unto the Lord.. It makes my loving him and helping him, and honoring him so much more meaningful, and important.
I dont want it to be because of getting something back, but fulfilling a calling, a love, a purpose.
I messed up the other day. I served, and loved, but became hurt and wounded because I wasn't loved back, recognized or wanted. I let it steal my joy. I believed a lie, that I must be loved back, in order to have joy in loving and serving.
The song Peace In The Valley talks about when night can shine like day. That is what I'm striving for. Though it is night, in the chambers of my heart, it is like day. Thats the promise I am embracing and pursuing.
I know he's not here to see the efforts, or to appreciate these little things, maybe he never will, and thats ok. But God knows, and I know he is pleased that I love and care for one of his sons. The one he gave me to love.
He gave this simple, overly sensitive, plain country girl, a reserved, controlled, city slicker boy, to honor, to cherish, to be a helpmeet to and companion. How in the world our worlds collided is amazing in itself. But I stand amazed, and honored and oh so blessed to be called to love this man. May God continue to teach, enable, and make me a worthy, and perfect helpmeet for him. No matter where he is.
Today was a good day. A fine day:)
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Apr. 20, 2006 - Open my Eyes Lord, Open my Heart