Confessions of a Homeschool Mom

Jan. 29, 2006

Humility?

Is God trying to teach me humiility? I sometimes wonder if that is the reason for these never ending headaches. I spent another Sunday out of church and laying down. I am the pastor's wife, by the way, and my place is in the church offering moral support for my husband. It is so hard when I am unable to do that. Others have had to carry my load for me and being a proud, hard headed woman, it is hard not to take offense at that. Some of our newer homeschooling families have made plans to come over this week and clean my house for the second time. It bothers me that they think I can't keep my house clean. But, in reality, I can't. But that's little comfort when you are watching other ladies see your "real" home, the one that you try and hide from others.

I'm so tired of living like this. I want to be able to fulfill my calling as mom and wife. My husband, in one of his words of wisdom, says I am doing exactly what God expects of me right now, even if all that entails is laying on the couch. That's a hard pill to swallow cause that is NOT what I want.

It all comes down to submission, doesn't it? Submission to God and his will. If I'm fighting, I'm not submitting. I guess deep down, I'm afraid if I submit to this being God's will for me, that it means I'll be this way the rest of my life. And that is not something that I am willing to deal with right now.

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Comments

Feb. 1, 2006 - Bless Your Heart...

Posted by Buckeyeblog

I have been reading your husband's blog ever since he wrote about his sermon on getting kids out of public schools. I saw your sweet comment to one of his posts...THAT is the BEST comment I've read since this homeschool blog started!!

He was good enough to send me a copy of his sermon...it was great. Everyone with school-aged kids, whether they already homeschool or not, should be REQUIRED to listen to that! I've already let my pastor (BIG hint!) and 2 other friends listen to it.

Also, I read your precious post about the loss of your sweet baby. If I may, I'd like to invite you to my blog to read a post called "Happy Birthday Message." Our oldest daughter, Jessica, died of sids when she was 3 months old, I then had 2 miscarriages between Jessica and Jasper - our just-turned-18 year old. And then we were blessed with our soon-to-be-15 year old Jenna. My precious girls...they are my dream come true...after my prince of a husband, Ty, of course! ;-)

But my heart goes out to you...I KNOW how that memory never goes away. Dear Elizabeth, rest in God's hands. There are things in this wicked world that we will never understand until we get "There," and THEN we won't even care! On that terrible day when we had to make so many phone calls to tell people about Jessica's death, one of our friends, without missing a beat said, "God is STILL on the Throne." Amen...yes He is. And that's what I have to say to you.

Blessings from Ohio, Kim Wolf<><
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Buckeyeblog
http://www.homesteadblogger.com/wannabeone

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Feb. 13, 2006 - Oh do I know this all too well....

Posted by salome

I was stricken with vertigo, it will be 6 years in March. Flat in bed, with a diaper on!!!!! I was not even able to move my head, or eyes from side to side.

The road to recovery has been all uphill, gradual, with many setbacks. And this may be a life long condition. I have gone up for healing prayers, I have begged the Lord for healing and mercy.

Well, I found some help, and some healing with chiropractic treatment. I cannot say enough about having a GOOD, chiropracter.

But I also learned submission to my husband and to the Lord. It is true. I was soooooo independent, that I had some big issues there. I learned that the Lord requires me to depend on Him. Pretty hard way to learn.

I also learned a little secret about Psalm 23, see if you can identify.
The Lord is my sheperd, I shall not be in want. He MAKES me lie down
in green pastures.
Nowhere there does it say, "He invites me to lie down, when I feel like it......"

The time that we are Made to lie down, is a time of restoration for each of us in our personal areas. For me it was dependence on the Lord and on my husband. A real refining of my rebellious, independent spirit. I was renewed spiritually through all this.

Now I joke and say, "Ok , Lord I get it now, can you heal me please?"

But really, His will be done.

I do understand that intense desire to be able to function, to just take care of our family.
My prayers for you.

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About Me

Homeschool moms are not perfect! Sometimes we imagine every other homeschool family has "it all together". Well, guess what? Mine doesn't. This is a journal of my journey through homeschooling. It's not all pretty, but it's all life.