is a day  I will never forget. It is the day I lost my sweet, 11 week old baby who was growing inside of me.  After delivering 4 healthy babies, I took it for granted that my pregnancies would always end in healthy babies.  I was so wrong.  It was a devestating loss, one that I still feel to this day.  I could have never guessed the amount of raw grief and emotion that losing an unborn baby could bring, until I experienced it myself.

I know others have lost more and experienced more pain than I have.  But the loss I experienced hurts just the same and brings tears to my eyes more often than I would care to admit.

Heaven sounds sweeter knowing my baby is waiting for me there.

Elizabeth

In memory of Joseph Paul Dziadul

(His mommy can't wait to hold him and kiss him)

I've been pretty much out of the loop for two weeks.  Two weeks ago, my dr. changed my blood pressure medicine.  Two days later I could not get out of bed because of raging headaches.  The only relief came when I was laying flat in bed.  I went back to the doctor and she changed the medicine and put me on another one.  The headaches still did not let up, so I quit taking the medicine.  Here it is 2 weeks later and I am still having headaches.  They are not near as bad, but they have sapped my energy and all I want to do is lay in bed.  I am praying that God will deliver me from the headaches.

My blood pressure is doing ok.  I monitor it everyday.  I will go back to the doctor, but not until the headaches leave.  I do not want to repeat what has happened.

So, we have done basically nothing for two weeks schoolwise.  I am hoping to start back tomorrow.  All prayers would be appreciated.

Elizabeth

PS- I'm still debating on what to do about the socks.  I bought some mesh bags, but now that I've been sick for 2 weeks, the new socks I bought have mysteriously disappeared.  Oh well.

Alright.  I need help from my fellow moms out there.  The sock monster has defeated me.  No matter how many socks I buy my children, they are always gone in a week.  My 9 year old has taken to wearing two different color socks at times and her and my 6 year old dd do not wear socks most of the time.  That's alright in summer, but it's getting cooler now.  Besides the fact, without socks, shoes and feet smell rather stinky.

What do you do?  How do you keep your children in socks?  Is is an organizational things or is it disobedient children or both?  Please help- any tips or advise will be appreciated.

Thanks.

In case you haven't remembered, October is Clergy Appreciation Month.  Be sure and let your pastor know how much you appreciate him and his efforts on your behalf.  Pastors always wonder if they are making a difference and if you can let your pastor know that he has, it would be a great encouragement to him.

Don't forget his wife also.  Many times a pastor's wife has to wait while her husband puts the needs of others before her.  She doesn't mind (usually), but it would be nice to let her know that her sacrifices are noticed and appreciated.

4.  I would have kept my little ones close to me at all times.

3.  We would have memorized more Scripture.

2.  I would have had set times for getting up and going to bed.

1.  I would have made my quiet time a priority in my day.

Wow.  That's quite a list.  Thankfully, God has been working with me on some of these for several years and what was lacking with my older kids hopefully won't be lacking with my younger kids.

One of my favorite verses is Lamentations 3:23  "Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin a fresh each day."

Every day is a new beginning.  The Lord's mercies are new every morning- we can't use them up.  God can start a new work in me each and every morning until I "get it".  My mistakes in the early years of homeschooling do not mean my children are doomed to failure- it is a way in which God will show His grace and mercy towards them and towards me!  Praise God- there is hope.  It is NEVER over- even if your kids are adults.  It is NEVER over- there is always hope. 

As long as there is a new day, there are new mercies.

Don't be discouraged about the past- pick yourself up and start again.  I promise, God will not get tired with repentant hearts who truly want to "get it right" this time.

10.  Train my children more diligently and more intentionally.

Unfortunately, those areas I neglected to train my children in are coming to light now that they are older children and teens.  If I could go back 10 years, I would slow down with the school work and focus intently on training.  A few hours of training yields a lifetime of rewards. 

9.   Enjoy the moments of life with them without always being in a hurry to finish something more important.

8.   I would not worry so much about what my house looked like.  Clean houses are a dime a dozen; well loved and well trained children are priceless.

7.   I would have sought my husband's advice and preferences more.  I do that now, and what a difference it makes.  In the early years of homeschooling, I did what I wanted and did not consult with him.  I made a large error in doing this, one that I regret to this day.

6.   I wish I would have had more children, closer together.

5.  I wish I would have prayed more fervently for my  children and our home during their early, formative years.

More to come.....

I just spent all (well, it seems like all) of today mediating between my 9 year old daughter and my 12 year old son.  They bickered and fought from the moment they got up, all through morning jobs, all through school, while we shopped, while we ate, etc.  I am ready to pull my hair out.  I tried everything!  I even resorted to having them walk around the house holding hands (they were mortified!).  It seems this problem is getting worse, and not better.  It doesn't help that my son is right in the middle of puberty and he is feeling his way.  But that doesn't excuse his vile speech and rotten attitude.  And my daughter is not much better.  She looks for ways to be offended by him.

I can only take so much and then I blow and I know that makes it worse.  Any of you other homeschool mothers find a solution to this problem?  I'm at my wits end.  Any words of advice would be well appreciated.

Thanks.

Homeschooling With a Quiet and Meek Spirit  by Terri Maxwell

I swear Terri has been in my house during school time!  Some of the illustrations could have come right from my family.  How nice it is to know someone else has struggled with the same things I do and is now sharing her struggles and victories with me.  I heartily recommend this book to any homeschooling mom, especially a homeschool mom who feels discouraged because homeschooling is not going like she thought it would.

Managers of Their Homes by Steve and Terri Maxwell

Another great book by the Maxwells.  It is a scheduling book which, if you've been homeschooling any length of time, you've heard about.  I first heard about this book about 5 years ago and resisted ordering it until a month ago.  I am NOT a routine/scheduled person, but I knew that had to change.  The day would be over and I was not sure what we had accomplished or if we had accomplished anything at all.  I never seemed to get around to doing all the wonderful things I wanted to.  I have not drawn up our schedule yet, but I am in the process.

Created to Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl

This is a book that I will be reading the rest of my life.  I constantly need to be reminded of its truths.  It is a life changer and a marriage changer.  I had a wonderful marriage before I read it; now I have a more wonderful marriage.  Now my husband would agree we have a wonderful marriage.  Don't be afraid to read this book.

What I just finished reading...

These Is My Words  and Sarah's Quilt by Nancy Turner

These books are historical fiction about pioneers in the Arizona Territories around the turn of the century.  I could not put them down!  They are very well written and capture your attention immediately.  The second one is a continuation of the first.  They are not Christian books; however, there is nothing I would consider questionable in them.  They do have some violence, but the violence that is portrayed is historically correct.  There is no foul language and no sexual content.  I recommend these books, but be careful- you won't be able to put them down!

What I am just beginning to read...

A Heart Like His by Beth Moore

Our ladies group is beginning this study and I have heard so much positive things about it.  I am excited to begin and study in depth about David.

Alright.  Fess up.  I know I can't be the only one.  Who else, after reading about another homeschooling family, thinks, "They are perfect. (sigh).  They have it all together. (sigh)  Their children are so sweet and obedient.  I bet they were born that way. (sigh) The mother must be a perfect angel from heaven who never raises her voice and never, ever gets irritated with one of her children.(sigh).

Ok, so maybe that's a little exagerated.  But I do have a bad habit of reading about other families and thinking that they have it all together and my family (namely me) is the only one who doesn't.  Now, isn't that discouraging?  Especially if you dwell on it while your children are fighting in the other room.  I've had two instances in the past few weeks where I've done this.  I've read their writings, looked at their pictures and imagined that they never struggle with anything.  One family even was dressed alike in clothes that the mother had made and each one played a different instrument.  In my house, we're lucky to find two socks that match and jeans without holes in them.

But, the further I read these ladies writings, the more my eyes were opened.  They do struggle with the same things that I do.  They are not perfect- they are learning along the way, as I am, and they are vulnerable and transparent enough to share their journey.  What an encouragement to know that my family is NOT the only one who isn't perfect.  I am more encouraged when others share their imperfections and how they are working to overcome them then when all they share is their victories.

Thank you God, for honest women who are honest with the rest of us.  Bless them and their families. 

This morning started out with a whimper.  I had a hard time getting out of bed.  I slept long and hard last night, but I was still tired this morning.  I got up and fed the baby breakfast, all the while having a grand old pity party.  Poor me.  I'm exhausted.  Poor me.  My house is a mess, again.  Poor me.  Nothing I do every stays done for more than 1 hour.  Poor me.  I'm stuck at home with no vehicle today.  Etc., etc., etc.  You name it, I felt sorry for myself about it.

I don't know what changed the current of the day.  I had myself in tears a few times, feeling so sorry for myself.  Then, it all changed.  I would love to tell you I opened my Bible and read some truth that changed me.  Honestly, I didn't.  I would love to tell you that I shook myself and came to my senses.  Honestly, I didn't. I'm not sure, but I think it was a phone call to my husband.  No, I didn't call him to complain (although I sure could have!).  I called him to relay a message and when I heard his voice, I remembered he was in a difficult meeting this morning.  His voice sounded drained and strained.  I don't remember thinking, "OK, your time of pity is over".  No, actually I just got up and started thinking about him and not me.  Once I did that, it was just a matter of minutes before I realized the day was started and I was not.  It was not long after that that I had totally forgotten about my pity party.

The day actually turned out pretty good!  My kids did well in their lessons and we even painted a bit (rare for around here).  Each one thanked me for letting them paint.  They were so happy- more so that mom was sitting down painting with them.

Father, keep my eyes off my own trivial complaints.  Let me serve others, for when I serve myself, I am miserable!

I received my No Greater Joy newsletter today and I had every word read in an hour's time.  I savor that magazine. It is just what I need to "get my head on straight" about parenting.  It seems at least one, if not more, articles speak directly to me.  As you can see, my blog below this one is titled Joy?.  God has been speaking to me about the lack of joy in our home.  The article in NGJ was Jumping Ship 3, and the main reason given for children raised in godly homes was the lack of joy and the lack of sincerity.  I will read that article again before I go to bed.  I need to be reminded frequently of what the Bible says about parenting and it seems to me they do a great job of it.

I know the Pearls have been the subject of much controversy here at HSB.  I don't pretend to know if they are right or wrong on each subject; however, I do know how much they have blessed my life, through NGJ and Created to be His HelpMeet.  They offer what is very much needed in today's society (Christian society)- they are not afraid to say what the Bible says.

I appreciate them and the difference they have made in my household.

I asked my husband if he thought we would ever get it all together.  Sometimes I feel like I am just "holding on" while I catch up with "stuff".  For instance, I'll say to myself, when I get the house totally clean, I'll start spending more time playing with the kids.  When I get the closets cleaned out, I'll have more time to exercise.

Guess what I am finding out?  Life is passing me by while I am waiting to "get all caught up".  And guess what else?  It's sucking all the joy out of living.  My husband asked me what I meant.  He asked me what we were missing.  We're missing the joy.  There is a lack of joy in the everyday things in our home, starting from my husband and I down to the six year old.  (Thankfully, the baby is very joyfull!!)

How do I stop doing this?  How do I regain the joy?  My oldest is 15 1/2 and I'm running out of time with him.  I want him to look back on a relaxed, joy filled, childhood and remember a mom who had time to listen and goof around with him.  He and I have a strong bond (always have) and I want it to get stronger as he prepares for adulthood.

Father, fill me with joy.  Remove the "joysuckers" from my house and my heart.  Remind me daily that the joy in my house starts with me.  Forgive me Father, yet again.  Open my eyes to Your Will and Your Ways.

We survived!  We traveled 3104 miles in our Chevy Astro mini-van, touting a tent, camping equipment, a playpen, lots of clothes, lots of pillows, 1 teenager, 2 tweens, 1 six year old and a baby!  Whew- it was tiring! 

We are all so glad to be home.  Even the baby seems to enjoy going to bed in his own crib.  I know I am enjoying my bathroom after using campground facilities for the past 2 weeks.  I had my doubts if we could pull off a 2 week vacation for 7 on such a limited budget, but we did!  And we didn't miss anything.  God is good.

Now it's back to the nitty gritty.  Back to reality.  Back to schedules and schoolwork and routines.  Vacations are good, but they're not life.  I'm glad.

It's me.  The bad attitude in our home begins and ends with me.  I just read Michael Pearl's article entitled "Bad Attitude" yet again.  Every so often I read it, just to convict myself of my attitude.  I expect my children to rise above my example and act more mature than me.  That's ludicrous.  But that's what I expect.

Oh Father God.  Please forgive me yet again of my bad attitude toward my children.  Please forgive me for treating these little ones with such judgemental attitudes and with such harsh words.  Please give me self control.  Please change me.  I want to be known as a gentle loving mother, who encourages.  I know my children would not describe me as such.  Oh Father.  Mold me into the image of your Son.  Let me deal with my children like you deal with yours.  Please make tomorrow the start of a new me and a new attitude.  Guard my mouth Father and make me aware of what I'm saying and how I'm saying it.  Turn my heart back towards my children and my home.  Thank you for the gift of these 5 precious children.  May I view them as yours.

Amen.

It doesn't seem possible that another year of homeschooling has begun.  This is our 9th year- you would think by now things would run smoothly in our homeschool.  Not so.  It seems every year has its own, unique set of circumstances that interupt us daily and sometimes for weeks at a time from the task at hand.

Last year I was pregnant.  Enough said!  Sam was born in April and by the time I got back on my feet and over the post partum depression, the school year was over.  The year before I miscarried and the whole family went through some rough times.  The year before I had to work 30 hours a week at our church.  I could go as far back as 5 years with these monstrous "interruptions".

We finally decided that this was our life and if we kept waiting on things to "settle down", our kids would be grown and out the door before we really got started.  So we settled on a routine and schedule for this year.  On this, our third day of school, everyone has actually gotten up on time and done what they were supposed to before school.  That part is great.

But what about the part where it seems they have forgotten EVERYTHING they have ever known?  And have forgotten how to get along with each other?  And have forgotten how to pick up after themselves?  These are the things that get me.  Have I actually taught them anything?  Some mornings I get up with dread to face the day.  Some days it seems so pointless.  Some days it seems like I am banging my head against the wall to get my 4th grader to understand complete sentences or to get my 8th grader to use capital letters and periods.  How many times do I actually have to say "Every sentence starts with a capital letter" before they do it on their own?

Ugh.  I don't like myself when I get like this.  I know, I know.  I am homeschooling in obedience to God and to my husband.  But I need some encouragement.  I need some motivation.  Where do I get it?????