Feb. 7, 2008 - A Hermit

I just called a friend to cancel our Botany co-op.
She's sick, her kids are sick, my kids have been sick and they're still recovering.
I haven't gotten sick yet, but I'm drained from a week of being up through the night with sick kids.
It didn't make sense to meet.

Besides, I'm feeling grouchy and grumpy and like I could cry any minute.
Strike that, I am crying this minute.
I don't especially want anyone to come over...oh but I do.
I'm lonely and sad and desperately need a friend.

It's so easy for me to become a hermit. To get discouraged with life and crawl into my shell.
It's hard to keep making the effort. To keep reaching out.
It's easier to hibernate.
It's cold and dreary and I'm so tired.
I wish I could hibernate....oh but I don't.
I'm lonely and sad and desperately need a friend.

I appear so confident.
I appear to have so many friends.
Then people assume that I don't need their friendship.
They assume I have other friends, so they don't call, they don't write, they don't comment.
If only they realized how much I long to be friends with them.
I'm lonely and sad and I desperately need a friend.

I'm sure I'm the same way.
I assume people are too busy; I don't want to bother them with my phone calls.
Sometimes they are too busy!
I assume people have friends, and that they're all getting together to do all kinds of friend stuff together.
Maybe they aren't.
Maybe they're lonely like me.

In my sadness and desperation, I've been turning to the computer.
I try to think of clever things to say.
I try to write endearing posts, and leave encouraging comments in the hopes that people will reciprocate.
I pray that their comments will somehow fill the void.

And then few people comment.
It's just as discouraging as when I finally pick up the phone to call someone only to get their answering machine.
So I want to be even more of a hermit, to shut down the machine, and walk away...oh but I don't.
I'm just sad and lonely and desperately want a friend.

Even when you do leave comments, I want more.
It's not enough.
I want to dialogue and debate.
I want to know what you really think.
I want to make you laugh and cry all at the same time.
I want to spend hours with you!
Blogging is so unsatisfying.

It would be nice if the sun would come out.
It's not so easy to be a hermit on a warm spring day.
When kids aren't sick, and everyone is looking for an excuse to go outside.
Then I wouldn't have any excuse to cancel.

Dec. 19, 2007 - Some women, but not me

Some women are talented enough to be able to do all sorts of cool things with their families and in their homes during the Christmas season and then blog all about them.  Some women, but not me. 

It's that time of year where I vacillate between Joy to the World and Bah! Humbug!  The days fly by and I don't know where they've gone or what I've really accomplished.  Dreams of writing Christmas letters and making cute crafts with the kids and baking sugar cookies and pumpkin bread are never so easily accomplished in the light of day.  The to-do list seems to never end, and I wonder what is the point of it all.  I'm not exactly stressed, nor am I overwhelmed; unmotivated would better describe what I'm feeling.   The desire to have all the loveliness of a Martha Stewart Christmas is there, but I lack the talent, ability, organization, and drive to pull it off.  I long for a quiet, simple, Christmas, but the pressure is there to go all out.   I haven't succumbed to that pressure, but then I feel like I've failed somehow.  Some women seem to accomplish it so easily.  Some women, but not me. 

Somewhere in the past couple of weeks I've lost my focus, and my joy.  I know the root issue: I haven't been abiding in Christ.  In this season which is supposedly all about Him, I've distanced myself from Him.  I don't know why.  It seems rather foolish.  I'm honestly and truly a "Mary" at heart, but I feel like Martha, "worried and distracted with all her preparations."  I really need to sit at my Savior's feet.  O come let us adore him, right?  Right.   My one true desire this season was to be saturated in God's Word and I regret that it hasn't happened.  Some women are radiant from being in His presence.  Some women, but not me. 

I didn't exactly plan to write this post.  I just wanted to pop in and let you all know that I'm not dead yet.  Perhaps my transparency will encourage you.  I certainly don't mean to depress you; I'm just trying to be real.   Some women appear to have it all together and never let on that they feel rotten inside.  Some women but not me. 

P.S.  On an entirely different note, my real life friend Kraig wants some input about homeschoolers.  So go read his post, and be honest, but please remember to use your nice words. 

Nov. 19, 2007 - Letter to a Prodigal

I hesitate to post this very personal letter, but I do so in the chance that God might use it to challenge, bless, or encourage someone. 

Dearest Sister,

I struggle to know what to write, but I am compelled to do so.  As we enter this holiday season your absence is felt intensely.  I wonder if you realize how much we love you and how much we miss you.  Do you know how anxiously your daddy watches for you each Sunday at church, waiting for the day when you will come home with an attitude of repentance, seeking restoration?  Just yesterday, as I sat in church listening to God's Word, my heart was full of love for you and sorrow to the point where I was sobbing, crying out to the Lord for you.  Our hearts are broken over the choices that you have made, yet we continue to hope that through all of this, God would draw you to Himself and you would surrender yourself to Him completely. 

Nov. 12, 2007 - Double Booked and Overwhelmed (Updated)

     Life as a homeschooling mother of four is oftentimes overwhelming.  Juggling the balls of Biblical instruction, character training, academics, family, home-making, wife-ing, and that four letter word "socialization" can threaten to undo me.  Frequently, I have the feeling of a tight-rope walker, balancing spinning plates, fervently praying that I don't drop any.  Over the years, I have learned valuable lessons about avoiding over-commiting, but as much as I try, it seems inevitable that I am found in situations where all the plates threaten to come falling on my head and send me tumbling into the depths.  

     I awake with the realization that I am, (gasp) double-booked!  A panic attack threatens and I fight the urge to bury myself under my blanket.  The sickening feeling in my stomach increases as I try to reconcile in my mind how to resolve this latest quandry, and then I am bombarded by all the other things that beg for my attention.  The list is too long.  I am pulled in too many directions.  There are too many balls.  I am dizzy from spinning plates.  I can't do it anymore!  Hot tears well in my eyes.  A lump arises in my throat.  The din of mechanical toys irritates like a dripping faucet.  Repeated pleas for cookies test my self-control.  I am caught in the vortex....

I lift my eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my stregth, my hope comes from the LORD. 

I am hard-pressed from every side but not crushed. 

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything through prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God which transcends all  understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. 

Cast all your cares upon Him, for He careth for you. 

He will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is stayed on Thee because he trusteth in Thee. 

      The anxiety subsides before the panic attack can take its hold.  My circumstances have not changed, but I am renewed by the Truth that has been hidden in my heart.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  I have not been released from the responsibilities, commitments, and obligations that stress me, but as I fix my eyes on Jesus, He will carry me through them.  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize in our weakness.  For He was tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin.  He once walked on this earth, He understands the pressures and demands of life.  Think of all the people who pressured Him and demanded things of Him.  Think of the crowds.  His response to the woman who touched His robe, the men who sent their friend down through the roof of the house.  He did not respond in anger.  Follow His example.  Walk as He walked.  Draw apart from the crowd and commune with the Father.  The mind of man plans His way, but the LORD directs his steps.  Allow Him to direct your steps, dear one.  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.  God is sovereign.  He knows your needs.  Do not be anxious saying what shall we eat or what shall we drink or with what shall we clothe ourselves, for your Heavenly Father knows all these things.  Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.   You are His child, beloved of God.  He will care for you.  His grace is sufficient for you for power is perfected in weakness. 

     Grace and Peace.  Give Him the plates.  Surrender the balls to Him.  Submit to His will for you today.  Yield to His Lordship.  Do not be anxious. 

     I am comforted. 

Updated to add:  Immediately after posting this entry, I lost my temper and yelled at the kids, reminding me of yet another verse.  "For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in the mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was.  But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does." James 1:23-25 

     I am convicted!

Oct. 12, 2007 - Goodbye, Punky

A funeral procession into the darkness.

A tiny black kitten,

Abandoned by her mother;

We could not replace her.

Buried in a raisin box

At the place of her birth.

Daddy prays.

Tears flow.

"Good-bye, Punky."

Death stinks; even when it's only a four day old kitten.   Perhaps she was sick to begin with.  God only knows.  But no matter how rational I try to be, there's nothing easy about hearing your children mourn when something they love dies.  How does a mother respond to, "But I wanted her to live!"  So did I, sweetie, so did I.  I can't imagine how families deal with the death of a baby.  How weak we are to be so upset over a tiny kitten.  The LORD gives and the LORD takes away.  Blessed be the name of the LORD.  Spunky remains; true to his name.  Maybe he'll linger with us a while longer.  But he'll be so lonely.

Sep. 10, 2007 - A Difficult Goodbye

This is a difficult post for me to write, but it is a necessary one.

It's time for me to step away from blogging for an indefinite amount of time. 

The past year and a half of blogging have yielded tremendous blessings for me.  As the number of real life blogger friends increases, I have reconnected with long lost friends and better kept in touch with others.  I know that there are friends in other states who have enjoyed keeping in touch with our family through reading our blog, and I regret to lose that source of connection with them.  I have also been able to develop relationships with countless new friends who have encouraged, blessed, supported, challenged, and exhorted me.  Their support has been so precious to me, especially in the transitionary time as we moved from Virginia to Indiana. 

As many benefits have come from blogging, there have also been negatives.  While I have enjoyed having a place to record my thoughts, I have also become obsessive about how people will respond to what I've just posted and what I should blog about next.  I am constantly thinking about blogging to the point where it has become a major distraction to my daily life.  While we have started off well in our schoolyear and are still on track after 5 weeks, there are still things that I would like to do with the kids (art, foreign language, poetry...) that I'm not doing because of the time I spend on the computer.  While the lower two levels of the house have been maintained enough that we have been able to be hospitable to others, the upstairs has once again turned into a disaster area, and I have procrastinated from cleaning it with blogging.  I would never spend hours in front of the television when I had other work to do, but somehow I can justify spending hours on the computer reading blogs.  I don't even read books for pleasure during the daytime, but I'll read blogs until I give myself a headache from staring at the computer screen.  I have tried to set boundaries and use the computer as an incentive for getting other work done, but it just hasn't worked.  I have a compulsive, addictive personality to begin with, and just as I have done in the past with soap operas and reality television, I just need to quit cold turkey.  I wish that I could be more balanced and not so obsessive, I long for greater self-control. 

I have also become increasingly more emotionally involved in the computer world, and then when conflict inevitably arises, I am wounded, hurt, frustrated, and disturbed.  These feelings then carry over to the rest of my life.  My children deserve better than a mother who is distracted because of something that happened in the internet world.  Where blogging once encouraged and inspired me, it now drains me and saps my mental energy.  I am plagued by the posts that I haven't had time to write and I have lost my joy. 

Life is getting busier.  We have two field trips scheduled for this week and we will also still need to complete our bookwork.  Soccer has started, Scouts is starting and there are ministry opportunities at church.  I'm getting more involved with the local homeschool group and making an effort to develop friendships with the people here.  I always enjoyed scrapbooking, but I haven't touched my albums in 3 years except to pack them and move them.  I have much to organize before I can even begin making albums again.  There are books that I want to read and walls that need to be painted.  I'm finally getting a desk and need to organize our office/schoolroom.  I still need to be more consistent with homeschooling and haven't yet implemented a daily housecleaning schedule.  I have a daughter who wants to learn to sew and cross stitch.  There are cross stitches I would love to do myself.  It would be great if I could do all these things and blog about them too, but that hasn't happened in the past year of blogging, and the more time I spend on the computer, the less time I have to do anything else.  

I apologize to those of you who have faithfully read my blog.  To my dear friends, both real and imaginary!  I am praying that after a time away, after I've been able to get organized and accomplish some other things; that I will be able to set some boundaries and return.  Until then, I am going to have to quit blogging altogether, because even reading just a couple of my favorite blogs opens the door to the temptation of getting sucked into the computer for hours.  I don't have a whole lot of free-time, and I'm frustrated by the things I'm not accomplishing when I spend all of it on the computer. 

This has been an incredibly difficult decision to make.  It takes me back to my senior year in high school.  I was on the Speech Team, in the show choir, and in the spring musical.  I had been at school until after 10pm for musical practice and when I got home, I turned on the stove to reheat some spaghetti for dinner.  I mistakenly turned on the wrong burner and set on fire my mom's german basket.    Fortunately, the fire was put out before any major harm was done, but in my exhaustion, I had endangered my house and my entire family.  Tennis was scheduled to begin on the heels of the musical, and I was supposed to be on the Varsity team for the first time.  My mom told me I could not play tennis.  For once, I wasn't angry; I was relieved.  It was all too much, but I couldn't say no myself.  My tennis coach was not very happy, but I could blame my mom.  Now I'm all grown up and no one has told me I can't blog anymore, so I have to make the tough decision myself. 

Blessings to you and your families.  I will miss reading about your lives.  Pray that I would learn what God has to teach me in my time away so that I may be able to rejoin you with greater balance and in moderation. 

In Him,

Angel 

Sep. 6, 2007 - It's not always easy

Sometimes it's really hard!

When everyone's talking about the first day of school: new teachers, new friends, new classes, new backpacks....back to school pictures....

I remember the excitement of "real school" and there's always a twinge of doubt that immediately attacks:

Maybe they'd have more fun at the school around the corner....

Maybe they really are missing out...

Maybe...

I'm tempted by the thought of having a quiet house to myself, although unconvinced that it would actually be much cleaner; it wasn't clean before I had kids, why would it become instantaneously spotless just because the kids left the house...

I probably wouldn't exercise any more than I do now....

But I would love to be in Women's Bible Study again...

It's hard to smile and nod and be encouraging and supporting; all the while going against the tide and choosing differently for your own children.

I remain convinced that we are doing the best thing for our children.  I wish that more parents would see the value in homeschooling.... 

But it's not always easy to be different; even for the most confident homeschooler. 

I just thought I'd let you know.

Aug. 26, 2007 - GO NAVY!

Jun. 27, 2007 - Confronting Arrogance

Jun. 18, 2007 - My Daddy

I'm a day late for a Father's Day post, but my dad just stopped by to drop off some kindling (for future bonfires) and have dinner with us.  One of the best things about moving back to Indiana has been being close enough for my dad to do things like that.  While we were out East, my dad was only able to visit us 3 or 4 times (in 9 years), so there were some years that I only saw him once a year although mostly it turned out to be twice a year.  Despite being a father of five, he's not exactly great with kids.  He can be gruff.  When we would come visit, their craziness was a lot to handle and he'd eventually get irritated and bark.  Now that we're closer, it's easier.  We're not all crammed into the same house for a week.  He can come visit for a couple of hours and then go home.  They have space to run and play while he visits.  He's also trying harder to be a better grandpa, and he's developing relationships with the kids that didn't really exist before the move.  That warms my heart!

For several years when I was younger, my dad worked second shift so we only saw him on weekends.  He always made a point of taking us out on individual "dates" regularly.  Dates to the hardware store, the baseball card show, the pool hall, the flea market.  "C'mon, Angel!"  Mostly he was just running errands, but they always included some kind of fun treat and I learned to sing harmony with him while listening to the Everly Brothers and Gary Lewis & the Playboys on the oldies station.  I loved those times with my daddy!  It made up for the barking (which I've inherited by the way!).  He tried so hard and he's still trying!  I'll never forget the birthday when I woke up to find a decorated cookie which he had bought for me; so thoughtful!  He was such a good provider, even when times were tough.  Life often dealt him a bad hand, but he always trusted God to provide and worked as hard as he could at any job he could find!  We were so poor for a while, yet he always managed to give me a couple of dollars before I headed off to the football game or before a speech meet.  It meant so much to me when I knew we had so little.  I tried to spend as little as possible, and I always brought the change back.  I knew how hard he worked; such sacrifice on his part compelled me to do so!  I knew that he loved me. 

I still know that he loves me, and that he's proud of me.  Last week as he and I headed off to visit his family with the kids, I realized how blessed I am to have that kind of dad.  The kind who will put up with 4 rowdy kids in the backseat while we drive several hours.  The kind of dad who enjoys talking to me about almost anything.  I know that I am fortunate and I am thankful!   The neatest part is when we can have spiritual conversations.  My dad has really started growing and maturing in his faith and understanding of God's Word in the past few years.  I've really enjoyed talking to him about spiritual things. 

I also appreciate how much he loves and respects my husband and the effort that he has taken to develop a relationship with him.  He's been the one to initiate "guys night".  I guess after 4 daughters and finally a son, he's excited to have sons-in-laws.  Not that my sisters and I haven't watched many a Rambo or Rocky movie and lots of golf, bowling, and football at his side; snuggled up next to him on the couch.  It's still one of my favorite places in the world!

Anyway, I've rambled on quite enough, and the kids need to be rounded up and put to bed; but my heart was so full of love and appreciation for my father that I just needed to take a couple of minutes and type them out.  As my daddy would say, "Goodnight buckaroos and buckarettes and bimbonic beauties!" 

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for...my daddy. 

Jun. 13, 2007 - Beyond the Classroom

The more of an advocate one becomes of homeschooling, the more it begins to affect other aspects of life.  It is a natural progression for homeschoolers to become homesteaders, or to prefer home church or family-integrated church over the mega church down the street.  Not that all homeschoolers pursue such routes, but that some do is quite understandable. 

The societal view of education does not end with education.  It has impacted the rest of society.  Somehow the definition of socialization requires having eaten lunch daily in a cafeteria full of kids, or riding on a yellow bus, or sitting in the same room with other children of the same age seven hours a day, one hundred eighty days a year.  It has become natural and normal in our society for a working mother to leave her 6 week old baby in the care of another in order to continue working after the birth.  Even if a mother decides to stay at home with her children, many transport them to pre-school at as young as 3 years old, and the majority are still compelled to load those precious kids onto the yellow school bus once they are old enough to start Kindergarten (despite the aching in their hearts).  After all, aren’t the teachers at the school much more qualified to teach; they have degrees and specialized training that most mothers don’t have.  And do we really have the patience to deal with our kids 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?  Isn’t a little separation necessary and even beneficial for our relationship?  They’d much prefer to be with kids their own age, right?  They need to establish their own values and identity apart from their parents, isn’t that what the “experts” say?  This line of thought continues through the elementary years, into middle school, high school, and beyond. 

Is it no wonder then that when the parents become older and are no longer self-sufficient, that they too are placed in the care of someone else; someone more “qualified” with special “training” and education, in a facility which is much more "suitable" to their needs, and where they will be surrounded by people their own age? 

As I visited with my 92 year old grandmother in an assisted-living facility this weekend, I couldn’t help but be influenced by my radical home-education philosophy!  I didn’t want to leave her there!  She should be at home.  The responsibility for her care should not be left to strangers, but to her family who loves her!  She ought to be surrounded by her grandchildren and great-grandchildren, so that she can be rejuvenated and renewed.  Even as she listened along as I read to the children, I thought, "Many of Charlotte Mason’s teachings could be so nicely applied, even to the elderly."  Enjoying living books and nature would be so much better than just sitting, listening to music from the 50s & 60s.  Her mind would benefit from some stimulation!  What they are providing is so insufficient!

Alas, I do not control my grandmother’s present or her future, but when the reins are in my hand, I can choose differently for my own parents.  I can keep them home with me.  I can stimulate them intellectually, read aloud to them when they can no longer read themselves.  I can surround them with youth and beauty.  Just as I have chosen to stand against the tide and keep my children home with me, I can trust the Lord to enable me to care for my parents when they are unable to care for themselves.  It’s not just about education, it’s about reclaiming God-given responsibilities, and that extends far beyond the classroom. 

Apr. 26, 2007 - Unwelcomed Visitor

I hate being new!

I just returned from my first Inspiration Night with the local homeschool group, and I feel like I could sit down and cry.  Overall, I’m an outgoing person; but initially, I can be quite shy.  It’s intimidating to walk into a room of complete strangers who all know each other.  It’s even harder when no one introduces themselves or welcomes you.  Accustomed to the lack of common courtesy in today’s society, I attempted to overcome my initial shyness by introducing myself to a couple of ladies, but that didn’t help much due to the fact that everyone around me was involved in conversation and not even conscious of my presence.  I was so full of hope that this would be a great opportunity to meet other homeschool moms in the area; alas, I walk away without any prospects of friendship.  Over time, I’m sure that I’ll get to know some of these ladies and wonderful friendships will develop.  I’ll overcome my shyness and muster the courage to break into the group.  Eventually, I’ll probably even be running it.  That’s the way it usually goes. 

And when I know everyone, I’ll be much more sensitive to the visitors and go out of my way to welcome them and introduce them to the other moms.  Being outgoing is easy when I’m not the visitor!  Until then, I can’t help but wonder why none of the veterans of this group took the time to make me feel welcome tonight.  I’m not a scary person; definitely not unapproachable.  I even brought Snickerdoodles!  And they were yummy!!  This was a different type of meeting than normal.  Instead of meeting in someone’s home, they met at a church where we listened to an informative Institute for Excellence in Writing presentation.  Next month should be more promising: smaller, more intimate.  There is hope! 

As much as I wanted to come home and settle into a pity party, it was impossible to do so with a warm greeting from my 4 year old daughter.  She was so excited that I was home before bed-time and anxiously greeted me with news that Daddy was “being nice of us” and reading The Hobbit.  Then she sweetly asked, “How was your meeting?” And after I answered, she wrapped her arms around me, gazed into my eyes and told me that I was “so beautiful.”  She may only be four, but she’s one of the best friends I’ve got!  I thank God for her, and for my best friend, my husband, who is waiting for me to come snuggle up with him on the couch.  These people love and appreciate me.  With this I am content. 

Apr. 18, 2007 - It's a step.

I was elated to hear that the Supreme Court reversed lesser courts’ decisions and upheld the constitutionality of the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act of 2003.  It is a step.  (Read about it here.) 

Because of my passion for constitution law and especially the rights of the unborn, I read the entire decision.  (To read the decision, go here; I will be quoting directly from this document.)  While I am pleased that the Act was upheld, I am saddened that it does not go further and am not entirely optimistic regarding greater regulation of abortion procedures.   The Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act prevents abortionists from knowingly performing an "intact D&E" where the fetus is partially delivered, stabbed in the head with a pair of scissors, and its brains are sucked out.  Justice Kennedy writes, “Congress determined that the abortion methods it proscribed had a ‘disturbing similarity to the killing of the newborn infant’ Congressional Findings (14)(L), in notes following 18 U.S.C. § 1531 (2000 ed., Supp. IV), pg 769, and thus it was concerned with ‘draw[ing] a bright line that clearly distinguishes abortion from infanticide.’”(IV A)  In this decision, Congress was supported in this action; however, the ruling does not appear to open a door for further restrictions.  While upholding the constitutionality of this ban, the decision also upholds previous precedent which grants a woman’s right to choose.  I affirm the concurring opinion of Justice Thomas and Justice Scalia who state, “I write separately to reiterate my view that the Court’s abortion jurisprudence, including Casey and Roe v. Wade 410 U.S. 113 (1973), has no basis in the Constitution.”  It would have been a greater victory if Justice Roberts and Justice Alito had concurred with them!

Personally, I wish that the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban went further and that it outlawed all D&E procedures and not only “intact D&E” procedures.  While I am grateful that “intact D&E” is now illegal, it is disturbing that a fetus of the same viability can still be torn to pieces within his mother’s womb.  It is absolutely sickening that such actions are still consistent with the laws of this nation!  I desire to see further restrictions placed on abortionists, but when I read Justice Kennedy’s statement, “The medical profession…may find different and less shocking methods to abort a fetus in the second trimester,” (IV A) I am not encouraged that the right to abortion is in jeopardy.  A “less shocking method” does not protect the right of unborn babies.  It is not only the methods that are shocking, but the fact that these babies lives are being taken from them LEGALLY that is SHOCKING!   

So while this is a victory in that some abortions are now illegal, and that the court has ruled that, “the government may use its voice and regulatory authority to show its profound respect for the life within the woman,” (IV A) we are still far from true victory when even the tiniest humans are protected by the laws of this country.  We can pray for such a day and work toward legislation that provides even greater protection of the unborn, but until then we must pursue other courses of action as well.  Justice Kennedy writes, “The State’s interest in respect for life is advanced by the dialogue that better informs the political and legal systems, the medical profession, expectant mothers, and society as a whole of the consequences that follow from a decision to elect a late-term abortion.” (IV A)  This is where the battle is to be fought and won: in the hearts and minds of individuals.  When individuals come to understand the horror that is abortion, then we have hope that it will be outlawed.  We must continue to fight this battle one expectant mother at a time.  We must continue to proclaim the truth and defend the defenseless one conversation at a time.  Some of the greatest pro-life advocates were once staunch abortion activists.  They were won over by the truth.  May we continue to be bold in speaking the truth in love, in the hopes that many hearts will change, baby’s lives will be saved, and women will be protected from the far-reaching, long-lasting consequences of aborting your own child!

Apr. 17, 2007 - In Remembrance: Virginia Tech; April 16, 2007

My heart is aching for the families and friends of those whose loved ones were violently taken away in yesterday’s shootings.  Tears have rolled down my face countless times since yesterday as I’ve watched the images on the news and heard stories of heroism.  While listening to the story of how, professor and Holocaust survivor, Liviu Librescu gave his life for the sake of his students, I seized the opportunity to teach my son the value of heroism and bravery.  Jesus said, “Greater love has no man than this that he lay down his life for his friend.”  This man exemplified the greatest love by laying down his own life for the sake of his students.  I explained to my son that the reason we are now teaching him to put others first is so that he will be able to respond likewise if he were ever in a similar situation.  With tears rolling down my face, I challenged my son to always think of others before himself, and to be courageous and brave in the midst of great adversity, just like God instructed Joshua to do in the verses he copied yesterday morning.  He responded by wrapping his arms around me.  I can’t imagine losing him! But to know that he had given his life to save another…..I told him, “If you die, you will go to heaven with Jesus, but there may be others who have not accepted Christ and for their sakes you must be willing to die that they may come to know Him as their Lord and Savior as well.”  My prayer is that those who have survived would be overwhelmed by the grace and mercy of God; that they would come to know Jesus as Lord and Savior, and dedicate their lives to serving him.  As I continued to watch the news this evening, my heart’s cry became, “Lord, be glorified in this tragedy.  Reveal yourself, reveal your glory. ”

I continue to pray for the families and friends, and all who were affected.  I’m also praying for the Christians who are near to be bold in sharing the only Truth that can be of any comfort in times like these.  I especially pray for my sister-in-law who has joined the VT Campus Crusade staff in ministering to the students and faculty.  May God be glorified in you and through you, Kim, and may many come to know Him through the love that He has poured out in you!  As I was tucking in ED tonight, I prayed for you and then explained to her that you were helping the students.  She asked if Uncle Rick was helping too and I said, “No, he’s working and learning how to be a doctor,” to which she replied, “Aunt Kim is learning love.”  What a precious word from the lips of a faith-filled four year old!  Yes, Aunt Kim is learning love as we all are learning love.  May we seize the opportunity to share this perfect love with the people around us! 

Mar. 31, 2007 - Starting Over

When I lived in Pennsylvania, I had some awesome friends!  Some of the best friends ever are made during those late night collegiate talks! 

When I lived in Maryland, I had some awesome friends!  There’s something special about the friendships made with other newlyweds, and during the pregnant or nursing years!  And the best friendships of all time are often made while studying God’s Word together!

When I lived in Virginia, I had some awesome friends!  The encouragement of experienced homeschoolers, when I was a neophyte, and the camaraderie of those who share the same vision for training up children in righteousness resulted in precious friendships. 

I miss living close to these awesome friends!

Now that I’m in Indiana, there is the potential for awesome friendships, but it takes time, and effort.  I'm extremely thankful for honeybee, but I wish she lived around the corner and not on the other side of the city!  I have been blessed by some really neat people at church.  We began hosting a weekly home fellowship group and are growing in godly relationships with the members of this group.  And now, after dragging my feet for the past few months, I finally got connected with a local homeschool support group and am once again on yet another e-mail loop. Today was our first Park Day with the new group, and I’m glad that we went.  I met a couple of ladies who seem to be kindred spirits and live close, and I’m excited to see how the relationships develop. 

It can be challenging and even a little scary to start over again, but I know that the resulting friendships are well worth the time and effort.