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We have two dogs. They are nice doggies and all, but my life would be a good bit simpler without them underfoot, shedding drifts of hair, tracking in dirt, and eating socks. The pervasive smell of wet golden retriever on these damp March days is not my room scent of choice. But the coup de gras (did I spell that right?) is their BREATH! So, recently I broke down and bought a battery powered doggie toothbrush. Frugal as I am, I decided they could share one, at least until I was sure this whole hygiene program would fly.
Little did I know what a project I was launching. My husband and middle daughter unpacked it all, and spread out the instructions (about the size of a roadmap) on the floor. Apparently dogs don't do well when a person just randomly tries to shove a buzzing, twirling foreign object into their mouths. They have to be conditioned.
So my husband starts reading how to begin the training process by gently lifting the dogs lips, and rubbing a moist finger all over their gums. Ewww. That is sick! I know what my dogs eat and what else they do with their mouths, and it would take a pretty significant cash settlement for me to rub my finger all over their gums. My husband and daughter give me disgusted looks as I make gagging noises on the couch.
Then, my husband continues to read, with all the gravity of Lincoln reading the Gettysburg address, how that after several days of the rubbing gums routine, we can advance to placing a small dab of non foaming, enzymatic canine dental preparation on the brush, and then gradually introduce this feature to the dogs. At this point I am laughing so hard that tears are running down my cheeks. Tell me I'm not the only person who finds non-foaming, enzymatic, beef scented dog toothpaste absurdly funny! My husband and daughter totally fail to see any humor, so I think it's in my best interest to leave the room.
But just as I'm trying to gracefully exit, my husband gets down on all fours beside the dog, looks into her face and starts buzzing...I mean, he's making buzzing noises like a kid pretending to be a bee or something. Apparently this is also part of the tooth brush training. But it is the last straw for me. Doubled over and holding my stomach laughing I stagger out of the room, while the two of them shake their heads and get back to reading the page of instructions.
Ahem. Well... maybe you had to be there. But I haven't laughed so hard in quite some time. I think their response was what made it soooo funny!
And by the way, don't forget about the contest (see preceding post). Only a few more days!
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