I had my second post-radiation MRI on Friday and went to Duke to get the results yesterday. The results show that there has been no change in the tumor. At first blush, it seems that this isn't very good news. Maybe, some would think, that God didn't answer our prayers. We expected to hear that the miraculous had happened; that the tumor had disappeared and the doctors had no explanation.

But it is good news. The doctors expected that the tumor would grow after radiation and the swelling would worsen. That has not happened and there is encouragement to be found here. I was told that it takes time for a tumor to begin to die after radiation. It could take up to a year or even more. And then, even when it does die, it leaves scar tissue. There will always be possibility of this tumor someday beginning to grow. The neuro-oncologist's advice was to stay as healthy as possible as the best way to fight the chance of the bad cells surviving. He would not guess at my life expectancy but he mentioned people living one year up to 20 years with this sort of illness. Before I was born God knew the number of my days.

But there is better news, too. God is still in control. He is in control of my life, the life of my family and our circumstances. There is so much hope in those words. God is not ignoring our prayers, our requests, our desires. He can see the forest for the trees so He knows more about timing than I do. He does what He does because He loves me and my family. If this tumor means that His will be done, I say, "yeah and amen". If just one person decides to put their faith in God because of what I have gone through, it is more than worth it to me.

I have learned that God doesn't always answer our prayers the way we expect Him to do it. Sometimes His answer is, "Wait" or even, "No". But He is a loving parent. He sees what I cannot and then He acts out of love for me.

I had been expecting one of two outcomes: complete healing or dying. I knew there were other options, but I focused on one of those two outcomes. I am learning to accept another outcome: living with a brain tumor and some physical limitations. I am not saying God won't remove the tumor miraculously at some point. I don't rule out anything God may do. He is, after all, God. But, I believe God plans for me to reach out to others going through tough times with the hope He has given me. He has a plan, a perfect one and I want to be a part of it.

I will be getting MRI's every two months for the forseeable future. Please pray that I would be able to see God's plan clearly and have the grace to walk in that plan.

Write again soon.

Joyfully,

Elyse