All good things must eventually come to a close. Today marked the official end of summer with the commencement of classes at French Hill Academy homeschool. Matt had his first Pre-Algebra class at CHAT today, I had three study halls and drama. The study halls were productive, but rather uninteresting.
The weather was beautiful today. Sunny and with a nice breeze, though a little warm. I think it hit 94 this afternoon. I spent a little of the afternoon reading outside and it was quite pleasant.
I empathized with this poem, which was assignmed reading this week in my AP Literature class.
The Sun Goes Down on Summer
I come to the water one last time as the sun goes down on summer.
It´s going; I can feel it slip away, and it leaves a cold, empty spot.
A hole in my warm memories of endless golden days
and dreams as ripe as watermelons.
I´d give the world to make the summer stay.
The water is calm around me.
It´s a warm, silent sea of thought dyed in the rich blues of night and
memory.
Why can´t things just stay the way they are?
Instead, the days rush headlong into change
and I feel like nothing´s ever going to be the same.
Soon school will start again. And all the things I thought I´d left behind
will come back, and it won´t be gentle water I´ll be swimming in---
It´ll be noise and people and schedules and passes and teachers telling
everyone what to do.
One more year of homework, tests and grades. Of daily popularity
contests and pressure-cooker competition and heaps of frustration.
The first day is the worst. Not knowing who your friends are, or
what´s changed since last year. Trying to pick it up where you left off.
I´ll look real hard for a last-year´s friend to get me from one
scrambled class to another, through halls crawling with people.
I wonder if I´ll fit in.
Football practice started last week. It started without me.
I had to make a choice and football lost.
Two years on the team and it struck me---who am I doing this for?
It´s just another thing people expect you to do, so you do it.
School is full of those kinds of things---things that sap your freedom,
and keep you from being yourself.
That´s what I want most, to be myself. But that´s hard.
Here´s what I dread most: when summer goes, I go with it.
I go back to school and I change as soon as I walk through those doors.
I have to be someone everyone will like---that´s a law of survival.
What would happen if I just stayed the real me?
would they turn me off? Label me "weird"?
Would I ever get another date?
It seems like so much to risk.
But growing is a risk. Change is a risk.
And who knows. I might discover something of myself in the coming
year.
I might get closer to the person I am---what a discovery that would be!
When the doors open on Monday morning, I´ll have a fresh start,
a fresh opportunity to find myself.
I want to be ready.
Steve Lawhead