BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road
because it was time for a change! The
chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road
because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all
the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I
personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes
me uniquely qualified to ensure - right from Day One! - that every chicken in
this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this
really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the
chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of
the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no
middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can
clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross
the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled
about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against
it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need
some black chickens.
DR.. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this
chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this
side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other
side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting
by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is
why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give
this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his
life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there
is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side
of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's
guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking
American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me
which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market
to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave
me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he
cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed
I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you
people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side. ' Yes, my
friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay,
too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other
side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as
simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken
crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was
good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a
few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the
heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went
on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the
road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which
will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents,
and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of
eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never craÅ #@&&^(C%...........reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross
the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?