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Fall is one of my favorite times of the year. The cool crisp breezes and the harvest always brings to mind baking! I love baking up scrumptious desserts and mouth-watering breads. The kids love it when I bake and have their favorites on hand. A fresh-baked apple pie, apple dumplings or a batch of homemade cookies always meets with their approval. lol The weather has turned cooler and today was a perfect day to go outside and play. I took the kids to a local park and just let them run and jump and play. They enjoyed their time out of the house and I enjoyed being able to go for my weekly prayer walk. Once a week, we all load up and go to the park and I get to walk and pray. It's nice to be able to get exercise and spend time in the Lord's Presence. I went today and the Lord really swatted me good. Wednesday evening my husband and I got into a bit of a tiff. To make a long story short, I held it in and never apologized to him. We had a misunderstanding, but I took that to another level when I raised my voice to him and refused to submit. Ouch! This is really embarrassing to admit to, but do you ever just *not* feel like agreeing to disagree? I was in the right and I knew it and I went out of my way to prove my point. I became angry and the angrier I became, the louder I became. Needless to say, he was not amused and let me know so. I was so upset, but I was not willing to back down. He had to leave and as he left, I found myself wanting to "show him" and "teach him a lesson". Now, for those of you wondering, all of these wonderful "red flags" did not phase me one bit. I kept on going. I was determined that I was right. I continued to hold this grudge in my heart and to stay in rebellion until today. I went for my weekly prayer walk. The Lord had whispered into my spirit on Wed. night that, until I repented, He would not answer my prayers. If you crave His Presence and His conversation like I do, you would consider this a grave warning. In my desire to be "right", I completely ignored it. Oh yeah, He might ignore me, but I could pray and ask for forgiveness and all would be right again, right? Wrong! During my prayer walk, the Lord revealed to me that I had to ask my husband's forgiveness, not just His. I called my husband on his cell phone and asked him to forgive me. It was like eating humble pie! I told him, that while I believed I was right in my thinking, the way I had attempted to "convince" him of my rightness was directly against the Lord and was not in any way respectful. OUCH! Why is it that in our attempts to prove ourselves or be "right", we cross over that fine line between being humble and being prideful? I learned an important lesson. It's never okay to hurt someone in an effort to prove you are right........even if they are obnoxiously catty in their responses. Let me just say here, that my husband did not act this way. I have known people that *were* and it was very difficult to admit wrong to them. They perceived that as a weakness and a character flaw rather than a strength and a sign of Godly character. This was not what I was dealing with. After calling my dh, I had to face yet another question. Did I apologize to my husband for my behaviour because I knew I was wrong or did I apologize just so the Lord would speak to my heart again? Being real with the Lord requires more than a surface nod at our flesh. We have to really dig to the root of the problem so we can be in harmony with Him. I am still praying about my motive. I think I had a hidden agenda and have been asking Him to root out that part of my flesh and to help me to conquer my flesh to live for Him. I had *no* clue that I was going to share that, so it is my prayer and hope that someone will be able to benefit from my admission of guilt. There is so much more to write, but I must close as my husband will be home soon to pick me up for our "date". Our kids are older so they get to stay home and watch movies and snack on pizza and soda while we go out. Until next time! |
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