but thought I had better post something.

I haven't found a routine that works for me yet.  I am trying to put aside at least 2 hours at night, when the children are in bed for my prayer and devotion time.  So far I have only managed an hour.  I am also trying to set up a morning time before others awake, but changing my waking time is proving tough and I am yet to resist switching off the alarm and falling back to sleep.  Must try harder. 

I stopped by the Wesley Owen Christian store whilst in Exeter on Tuesday, and headed for their bargain books section.  Actually, it's not so much a section as a whole room, perfect for a book-aholic like myself with a husband that dearly wishes he hadn't married one and checks on my spending

Anyway, I picked up a few titles, well okay seven in all, but they came to less than £6.00 (approx $12) so I was very happy.  Two of them are family devotionals aimed at children so I'm really looking forward to introducing those to the children as part of our daily routine.

The first book I have started to look at is called "More Hours in My Day" by Emilie Barnes.  I must say that I have taken a few ideas on board and wish to implement them in my daily life, so watch this space and you will find out what happens.  It has certainly helped me to re-think my priorities through.

I feel like I'm completely new to the Christian faith, as if I'm searching for answers all over again.  I have been a church attender since I was very small and forced to go to Sunday School every week, even though my parents only went to church on special occasions.  

I wasn't sure if I should write this or not, but I decided I would but I hope it doesn't offend anyone, it really isn't meant to.  I just wanted to write down my feelings. 

I've never had any 'proof' if you want to put it that way, that God exists.  I've never had any of the special feelings that others speak of, I've never felt as if any of my prayers have been answered, I've never been given any gifts, such as the ability to talk in tongues, nor can I say that I feel God has ever spoken to me.  I feel like I'm struggling in a search to find something that *I hope* is there, but I'm not totally convinced of it's existance.  Does that make any sense to anyone?  I want to believe.  I want to believe that I have the ability to have a relationship with the Lord, but I'm struggling. 

I need to change this. I WANT to believe, honest I do.  Maybe I'm being challenged and tested.  I don't know.

What I do know is that I need to find a church for fellowship.  I have tried a few of the local churches in the past and none of them felt *right*.  We have attended a church in Exeter (approx 30-40 minute drive) for a while now, although not regularly.  Sad to say the commute is a bit of a battle for us in the morning and we often just get there by the skin of our teeth.  The distance is also a factor when it comes to attending other meetings or groups throughout the week.  I have emailed a local church for information this evening, so await their reply.  After that there is just one more to try before our net has to be cast wider.

Well I'm going to go now and start my bible study and prayer time.  Thanks for reading this, and please continue with your prayers, I really do appreciate them along with your words of wisdom and support.