Dec. 20, 2005
Being Open.
The change in my outlook is amazing. I can't really explain to you the difference finding faith is having in my life, nor can I guarantee that it is faith at work and not just a coincidence of timing. All I know is that I am happier, more content with my life, now liking myself, and generally enjoying doing all I am doing.
More honesty here. In the past I have been a church-goer. Not a Christian, just a church-goer. I know there is a difference. I turned up at church on a Sunday morning, said a few prayers, sang a few songs, shook hands with a few people and returned to the comfort of my home. God didn't enter my head again until the following Sunday, when it was time to do that routine all over again (unless something "better" was on offer, say a Car Boot Sale for example. Or a shopping trip.) How awful. I am ashamed of that. But I lay it down here for all to see, and confess.
Things have now changed.
I have been reading and been enlightened by the Word, and I have prayed, both alone and with the children. Oh things seem so much better. As said before, be it down to coincidence or my re-found faith, I don't know. All I know is that something is working for me.
I have been open with my husband. He knows that I have been reading the Bible, and he also knows that I have been praying both alone and with the children. In the past I was embarrassed. He is a total non-believer and scorns Christianity with talk of contradictions and un-truths. In the past I have hidden what I have done. I have waited until he was out of the room before praying with the children or reading the daily devotional. I did actually pray with them one evening, whilst he was around and I could hear him smirking so never repeated the experience. In the past I have felt guilty for leaving him on a Sunday morning and going to Church, not liking leaving him alone. I often took that easier option if it was offered, to lessen that guilt and skip Church for that week, or two (or three or four times), and go somewhere else with him. That was until now. I am now standing up and being proud of our faith, no longer embarrassed. I now feel guilty if I miss Church, even though I am yet to find the right one for us. Changed priorities, and it feels right.
Comments
Dec. 20, 2005 - Hallelujah!
Posted by julie
Praise God for HIS overwhelming love and mercy, huh? I enjoyed reading your newfound journey...keep on keepin' on....He will bless you -- I will pray your husband is open to Jesus and that you stay on the path despite what he thinks....Have you read 2nd Peter??? I believe that's the book of the bible that deals a lot with wives who have unbelieving husbands and how they can be won over by their faith. It's either 1st or 2nd Peter...check it out!
Blessings on you and your family!
Julie
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Dec. 22, 2005 - Its great to see
Posted by angelstar1220
Wow! A simple change can really go a long way. Am thinking of you.
Carol
xxx
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Dec. 23, 2005 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Michaela
I really enjoyed reading your blog. I understand where you are coming from. As you probably know from my blog, my husband isn't saved, yet. I also was very uncomfortable to pray with my husband in the same room. And other for saying grace before we eat, I still don't do it. Because it makes everybody feel uncomfortable. We usually set the table, say grace and then tell daddy to come to eat. He knows that we read the bible and at time him and I discuss things. Some things I am not the best person to explain, I let the people from ' Answers in Genesis' explain. I go to their website and I print something out. Then I let him read it and we can talk about it later. I also felt that I shouldn't go to church or rather I felt guilty for going. Especially since my husband works out of town during the week and is at home only on weekends. But I missed something and started going every week, the kids and I really enjoy it. At first he was not a happy camper, but he has come to like the time this gives him to do what he wants to do. I had a problem after a little while though, because somehow and quite unwillingly I excluded my husband. And I started to be unhappy with our marriage, mainly because I focused too much on the children. I found some really good books which really helped to get back on track. One is ' The Power of a Praying Wife' by Stromie Omaritan, the other is ' When he doesn't believe' by Nancy Kennedy and the third was ' Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage' by Lee and Leslie Strobel. Those were the most important books for me, well, right after the bible. Because God tells us to love and obey our husbands even if they are unbelievers. Those books just explained to me the how to do it...
I finally understood that I am not responsible for my husbands faith or the lack thereof. It is not my job to turn him into a believer, God doesn't need me for that. But it showed me my shortcomings and God taught me so much during that time....now we have a much better marriage than we even had before, this is not to say that everything is perfect now. I still have shortcomings that I have to battle every day, but with God on my side - what can go really wrong? My husband became much more relaxed as a result of my changed attitude towards him. He is now okay with me studying to get my BA in Theology! Who would have thought....
We are to show God to our spouses through our actions not our words.
Your are on a new exciting journey, my pastor said that we can take things to be either stepping stones or stumbling blocks, it is our choice.
I am excited for you!!! I will add you to my prayer list!
Blessings,
Michaela <><
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Dec. 28, 2005 - Hi
Posted by Autumn
I found your journal through ChristianMums...my dh is a non-believer, too, but it gets better over time. He will show interest in my faith now and doesn't feel quite so threatened as he did at first!
Praying for you,
Cath xx
http://journals.aol.co.uk/cathvyse/MusingsofaMuddledMum/
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