Jan. 17, 2006
All consuming...
I almost feel like I am going insane. (Oh stop the giggles, no I'm not insane already!) This past week has been very intense for me, I so wish I had someone close I could share it with. I truly wish my dh was a believer and we could sit and discuss things and pray together.
I'm guessing this is going to sound loony, but I can't get God out of my mind. For this past week it seems as though God and my faith are all that I have been thinking about, no matter what I am doing. Whilst washing up, whilst showering, whilst cleaning my teeth, goodness me, even when I'm on the toilet!!! Thoughts or a song about God will pop into my head. It's never happened before.
I have completely changed the things I do. I am no longer focused on the computer or TV. When I do have the TV on, it isn't to gain my daily fix of the soap operas, but I turn to the Christian channels instead. I don't even want to listen to the same music as I did. I have been reading the Word every day, at least once, and other books written to aid Christian faith. My mind is a constant whirr of ideas of spreading the word, and prayers. It feels so intense sometimes, like I can't escape from it.
That's why I feel like I'm going insane. (I know there will be a lot of non-believers out there nodding their heads and saying you are madam, you are!)
So what do I do? Sometimes I feel like my head is going to explode with all the thoughts and feelings spinning around in it so fast. I feel the need to pray so much, I need to feed on the Word, but I also need to be able to concentrate on other things and that isn't happening much at the moment. I thought maybe writing how I feel on here may help. I wish I could talk to my husband. I wish I could tell him what was happening and then he could say "Take an hour or so out for prayer and worship, I'll look after the kids." He'd just laugh. As it is now I struggle to find the time when I can totally cut off from everything and just spend time with the Lord. If all the others are in bed I still have a 6 month old baby, who hasn't yet realised he needs to sleep. He is often up until past midnight and awake again at 5am. During the day of course I have dh and the other 3 to look after. I will pray for help and guidance.
Comments
Jan. 18, 2006 - Hi
Posted by Julie
Perhaps that is why we are designed to have fellowship with other believers - to help share both the burdens and the joys. Is there no local group that you could join - a womens fellowship or something? I know that it is tricky with a non Christian dh and 4 little ones at home, but it would be good for you to have face to face times for bible study and prayer with others. Perhaps you could investigate? - any church should welcome a newbie at its mid week meetings, even if you can't get their on Sundays..
Julie (from the ivillage HE board)
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Jan. 20, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by NancyinCA
I remember life when my dc were tiny. It did feel like I could never get any time with the Lord. But then God showed me that he was with me while I was doing dishes, laundry, and rocking my little ones. He went with me through my day, and I learned to talk with Him as I went. I also learned that my tasks were my offering to Him, and that He was blessed.
It sounds like you are on a really great journey-I hope that God will continue to give you courage and peace as you learn to walk with Him.
Nancy
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Jan. 28, 2006 - Why??
Posted by Anonymous
Do you think all the thoughts and songs that keep 'popping' into your head might be because you are listening/watching religious programs every day? Turn everything off for a month--and just listen to yourself think. Maybe you'll discover why your sad--and why you need this so desperately. Try and find a way to make yourself happy. I don't think God would want us to devote our lives to him--he put us here to develop relationships with others--that's what makes us humans. But mostly--he wants us to live our lives--not hide away--which is what you seem to be doing. Turn off the noise. And if you won't/can't--why not--what are you afraid of? Try and be happy with yourself--you sound like a WONDERFUL woman and mother--be proud of yourself!
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Jan. 28, 2006 - Re: Why??
Posted by Anonymous
Meant to sign my name--it's Eliza, and your HE Blog is great as well! Try and take care of yourself first--then worry about helping the Lord -- he's doing quite well on his own at the moment--where as you don't seem to be.
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Jan. 31, 2006 - <i>Untitled Comment</i>
Posted by
You know, there will be times when you feel completely dry and without any motivation to read the Word or spread the news. It's just part of seeking the Lord.
Some might envy you right now because of your "insanity" for the Lord. It's not all bad! But I understand how you feel. Sometimes there just isn't an outlet big enough to contain our passion! Keep us updated on how things are going, sister!
And don't pay any attention to the above comment which implies that it's all about us as humans. I hate to be harsh towards the person who posted that comment, but I am not afraid to be harsh when it comes to pointing out lies. God DOES want every single part of your heart for Himself because He's jealous over you! Live out your passion for God. Don't be afraid of your passion; it's life to the fullest! John 10:10
Don't be afraid to devote every second to HIS glory.
Colossians 3:17
Be strong. The Lord will give you strength when you need it.
2Corinthians 12:9
You really are a precious person and I can't wait to read more about the awesome things that God does in your life. May God bless you abundantly.
Edited by JB on Jan. 31, 2006 at 4:11 PM
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Feb. 8, 2006 - Wow! :)
Posted by SupComTabz
I think that's just part of the human experience when it comes to time with God. There are times where we just overflow, times where we feel empty and times where everything just seems to be on cruise control.... if anything I would encourage you to be GLAD and thankfully you're on such a high... even if you feel mentally instable!
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Feb. 13, 2006 - It's just a spirit thing
Posted by Susan Higgins
You're not alone when you feel like you are going insane! The thing is, I tend to go insane when I'm not focused on God. I am a little concerned that you are on fire for the Lord (which is awesome), but sometimes that fire burns out our faith! Just hang in there, girly, it's going to be all right.
P.S. Instead of Christian TV (which I think is pretty much straight-up cheese), try reading. I highly recommend Francine Rivers. She's awesome and always right on point with the gospel. Try the Mark of the Lion trilogy or And the Shofar Blew. those are awesome for encouraging faith.
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Apr. 1, 2006 - Hi.
Posted by Anonymous
I think I was your friend. I'm vgarr. Your profile looks familiar.
My blog is no longer here. (I randomed bloged and found you) I can be found at www.xanga.com/vgarr361
If you visit you will see why I am no longer here and what HSB has done about it. Or you could email me, just click on the link on my xanga blog.
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Aug. 29, 2006 - Devoted?
Posted by christlike
In this world of self-centered people that are devoted to everything but God, there is a few that still live by "Exodus 20:3 & Matt.6:33". I found that everything works out for good this way (His way), not my way. Just stay faithful & devoted to "Him" & "He" Will be faithful to you.
I will put your Dh on my prayer list for Salvation & urged others to do the same. Unity & agreement in prayer makes a big difference!
In Him, Elton
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Sep. 9, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by DandelionSeeds
I just wanted to be sure that I understood correctly before I put you in the time slots for prayer for Susan... are you praying 7am thru 12am or 12pm? Let me know and thanks so much for praying!!!!
In Him,
Amy
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Sep. 16, 2006 - prayer
Posted by Doverspike1
don't know if you are checking your blog any more, but i randomly found your site. i just prayed for you and you hubby. I hope all is well and you can finally get some rest and start feeling human again. thank you for sharing and being so honest.
keeper of The Garden of Weeden
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Sep. 27, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by SandBetweenMyToes
Stop by today and wish Ashley (PinkFlamingo) a happy 20th birthday. You can see her baby pictures on my blog (SandBetweenMyToes).
Her Mom!
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Oct. 31, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by PinkFlamingo
Thank you for sharing your experience in your developing faith in God. It is so great to read. I will be praying for you, your husband, and your children.
Just remember to run to God with everything - because He is everything you need.
Love, Ashley
PS: like someone else said, ignore the comment from Eliza. God comes first!
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Dec. 1, 2006 - Passion
Posted by irock00000
While I was reading your blog I was thinking about how much I desire to have the kind of passion and "insanity" that you described. That is being on fire for God.
God gave all to us, why should we not devote our whole lives to him? Yes, we do have responsibilities and other relationships in life, but God should most definitely be on our at least a little if not a lot of the time.
Like others have said, it is difficult for humans to be on fire without getting burned out, but you should remember David. He had a major roller coaster life! He seemed so close to God one day, but despairing the next. Its part of being human to have low times- but God has blessed you with a great faith.
Hang in there and remember that God loves you and doesn't want you to be unhappy as you seek him.
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Aug. 18, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Godrockz
I love your entry! Come see my blog sometimes. thanks for tagging me!
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Sep. 26, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by DancingFeet
Don't forget to wish Ashley (PinkFlamingo) a happy birthday tomorrow, either on your blog or in a comment!
Thanks!
~Briana
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