Dec. 3, 2005 - Holes in our umbrellas
This will not be the easiest post to write, but I want my blog to be one of honesty. My husband and I have huge holes in our umbrellas of protection over our family. Our house is one of caos and uprisings. There is no joy or peace in our home, but there is much yelling, fighting, arguing, complaining and discontentment. And it is not just from the children! I am tired and feel myself giving up. Physically I have no strength; the baby still has me up during the night and I put my back out a few days ago (much pain). I am also drained spiritually, mentally and emotionally. There is no structure or consistency in the home (except consistent fighting). I keep trying to bring about some sanity and at least be consistent in doing Bible Study. But I am failing. I sense all the seeds I am feebly throwing out falling by the wayside. I can't do it by myself and I don't have that sense of protection and security from my husband. My brother-in-law has fourteen kids and has always been good about keeping his umbrella hole proof. He used to get his family up at 4a.m. to do devotions before going to work. I always thought this a little extreme and certainly did not want this for my family (I am not a morning person!). But I have seen the fruit of his efforts in that his kids all love the Lord and spend their own private time in the Word daily. His fruit is deffinitely sweet. I fear my fruit is sour, bitter and rather bruised. I am very distraught about all this, I cried myself to sleep last night after letting my husband know that he does not have a happy wife. 
I am crying out to God for help. I pray my husband and I will be able to patch our umbrellas. This will not be easy as we both are selfish and full of pride. But it must be done for my family is falling apart. We simply cannot go on like this.
Comments
Dec. 3, 2005 - (((((Nancy))))))
Posted by ejoyce,ink
Hugs to you. You are not the only one who has felt this way. Please, do not underestimate the effect of physical exhaustion on your spiritual and emotional health. Do you remember the story of Elijah, when he got totally depressed, overwhelmed and afraid. He hid under a tree, and wanted to die. The first thing God did was give him food, and then let him sleep, and let him sleep some more...took care of his physical depletion before addressing his spiritual and mental state. You have your hands so full. Is there any way you can prioritize some rest?? Forget about school, laundry, whatever. Concentrate on YOURSELF and your physical needs, even for a couple of days. Can you explain this to your husband, and have him get up at night for a night or two. I'm sure it will make a world of difference. Keep your expectations realistic, try to rest, eat well, and pray when you feel like screaming. You are special to God and he LOVES YOU! Praying for you today. In His Peace, Eleanor
Dec. 3, 2005 - Untitled Comment
Posted by drewsfamilytx
((((((((hugs))))))))) to you dear Nancy!
Eleanor is right...you need rest! Please don't feel like such a failure...it is very hard being a mommy, especially with a baby and trying to homeschool your other kids. You are right about one thing, you can't do it on your own. However, God can help you---"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13. He promises to help you and He WILL! All is not lost, dear friend.
Things look tough right now but they will get better...it just takes a little time. Perhaps you can take time off from school for a while? Instead, get your rest and just read books with the kids...read about Jesus' birth, make paper snowflakes, go for a brisk walk...refresh yourself and begin each and every day with prayer...prayer for strength and wisdom...That is honestly what helped me the most during this first year of my baby's life.
I am praying for your right now, dear Nancy!
Lots of love,
Marsha
Dec. 4, 2005 - Untitled Comment
Posted by
Dear Nancy,
Fortunately, you have mostly seen the better side of our family. Natalie is only 9. Tiffany is 25. How easily we forget. It has taken many, many years of screaming, and struggling, and screaming, and fighting, and more screaming (on my part unfortunately). It hasn't exactly been a "bowl of cherries". Those early morning wisdom searches were mostly one sided - the kids were all asleep on the livingroom floor. I don't know how Jack ever had the grace to push on as he did. And for many years we didn't even do any "school".
I wish I knew then what I have so recently learned about my God ordained roll as wife. It could have saved me and my family so much grief, and stress, and heart ache. I can't believe it took 26 years. This should be a required lesson for all young ladies BEFORE marriage! Lord willing, we'll be home soon and I will share with you what I have learned.
Just remember this.... It is not us, but the Holy Spirit working in these dear children of ours, moulding them into something useful for his own work.
Michelle
Dec. 6, 2005 - Untitled Comment
Posted by TNMOMTO5BLESSINGS
God is still here. He is there when you don't want to be. Just try to focus on what your immediate needs are and walk that way one step at a time. Rest and find what there is to be thankful for.
Prayers for you!
TNMOM
Dec. 8, 2005 - We Love You
Posted by Justin D
Dear Aunt Nancy,
We love you and are praying for you all.
