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Aug. 31, 2009 - Long Goodbyes stink

I don't think I've been getting the full 60 seconds out of each minute. If I had, surely it would feel like it had been a month since I was on last.  I know I get up each day and I go to bed each night and in between is a flurry of activity.  It's mostly been trying to get ready for school and trying to jump back into life which has apparently been going on without me for the last year.  How right is that?

I know my last "medical post" was a real cliff hanger, so I'll just end the suspense.  I almost passed out at a friend's house in the middle of the night the first weekend of Dec. and after that had two months of anxiety/panic attacks, terrible insomnia, migraines, heart palpitations, severe light and sound sensitivity and constant neck and back pain.  I had everything from A to Z checked out.  Then I had some female issues in March and they put me on Progesterone cream. That ended some of the symptoms, but then I crashed and had no energy, depression, weight gain in the mid section, muscle aches, completely foggy head.  So then I went on Armour thyroid tablets which helped a good bit plus a very large array of other supplements, including Vitamin D which I was very deficient in.  All of things had me feeling better, but still not normal. I was constanly at some Dr. appt. or getting labs done.  Interpreting lab data and knowing the difference between T4, T3, rT3, TSH etc. etc. has been very enlightening.  I feel I know more than anyone should have to about hormones, thyroid, the endocrine system and fibromyalgia.

My mother has has fibromyalgia for years.  I won't go into it all here, you can look it up.  We both think I am in the beginnings of it, but hopefully with all that I am doing now I can control it well.  About mid-July I found about another supplement that a Dr. in NC uses for patients that have bouts of Thyroiditis, so I started on that and it has made drastic changes. It's called Resveratrol.  I am now off my Thyroid tablets, still on other supplements, but feeling more normal than I have in a year.  I sometimes think I am swinging to the over-active thyroid side , but still watching it.  We'll be monitoring my levels for a while.  I still have kind of crazy swings during monthly cycles that have just started back up, but I'm so much improved since Dec. that I can't complain.

This is one of those paths that you wish with all y our heart you didn't have to walk, but in some strange ways it has been very good, well bad, in a good sort of way.

That is the two cent version of the whole thing.  There has been so much that I just can't get at it all. I really want to move on and start getting it together again.  I am doing that slowly, trying to change habits and behaviors along the way.  I'm purging wherever possible, streamlining what I can and trying to make life more simple.  That is one huge lesson that God has taught me throughout this. When you have nothing to give and can do so little, it's amazing what your priorities become. 

I love to write.  I've been doing it since I could hold a pencil.  But having a blog has become an invisible albatross for me.  I know I don't have to write, but knowing that it's here hanging in Cyber space - mocking me like all my other undone tasks - has made it not enjoyable.  And when you write so infrequently, as I have, you don't have the interaction that is part of what makes blogging a good time.  So I think that I am going to hang up my keyboard for awhile, get back into the swim of my life, and get some more good material for when I decide to start up another blog.  I'm already thinking up a new name. :)

Catch ya' on the flip side jack-

Cindy

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Jul. 27, 2009 - More than you really want to know about...

A little background info...

I had never heard of Thyroiditis, postpartum or otherwise, before all this.  I have had a very thorough unit study on the thyroid and hormones in general over the last eight months. More than I need to know. Ever.

Thyroiditis, according to Wikipedia.."

Thyroiditis is the inflammation of the thyroid gland. The thyroid gland is located on the front of the neck below the laryngeal prominence, and makes hormones that control metabolism.

There are many different types of thyroiditis, with the most common being Hashimoto's thyroiditis. Other forms of the disease are postpartum thyroiditis, subacute thyroiditis, silent thyroiditis, drug-induced thyroiditis, radiation-induced thyroiditis, and acute thyroiditis.[1]

Each different type of this disease has its own causes, clinical features, diagnoses, durations, resolutions, conditions and risks.

There are many different symptoms for thyroiditis, none of which are exclusively limited to this disease. Many of the signs imitate symptoms of other diseases, so thyroiditis can sometimes be difficult to diagnose. Common symptoms may include fatigue, weight gain, feeling "fuzzy headed," depression and constipation. Other, rarer symptoms include swelling of the legs, vague aches and pains, decreased concentration and so on. When conditions become more severe, depending on the type of thyroiditis, one may start to see puffiness around the eyes, slowing of the heart rate, a drop in body temperature, or even future heart failure.[2]

Thyroiditis is generally caused by an attack on the thyroid, resulting in inflammation and damage to the thyroid cells. This disease is often considered a malfunction of the immune system. Antibodies that attack the thyroid are what causes most types of thyroiditis. It can also be caused by an infection, like a virus or bacteria, which works in the same way as antibodies to cause inflammation in the glands.[3] Certain people make thyroid antibodies, and thyroiditis can be considered an autoimmune disease, because the body acts as if the thyroid gland is foreign tissue.[4] Some drugs, such as interferon and amiodarone, can also cause thyroiditis because they have a tendency to damage thyroid cells.

Postpartum thyroiditis is a phenomenon observed following pregnancy[1] and may

involve hyperthyroidism, hypothyroidism or the two sequentially. It affects about 5% of all women within a year after giving birth. The first phase is typically hyperthyroidism. Then, the thyroid either returns to normal or a woman develops hypothyroidism. Of those women who experience hypothyroidism associated with postpartum thyroiditis, one in five will develop permanent hypothyroidism requiring life-long treatment.

Postpartum thyroiditis is believed to result from the modifications to the immune system necessary in pregnancy, and histologically is a lymphocytic thyroiditis. The process is normally self-limiting, but when conventional antibodies are found there is a high chance of this proceeding to permanent hypothyroidism. Postpartum thyroiditis is a member of the group of thyroiditis conditions known as resolving thyroiditis.

That's it in a nut shell.  Of course, I couldn't just have a mild bout with it.  Nope, I went for the full deal.  Looking back it appears that I was having problems starting around my 7th month of pregnancy, but obviously had no idea at the time what was wrong. Symptoms were : debilitating morning tiredness after breakfast, great difficulty breathing for a few hours in the morning - not like the usual "baby pushing on the lungs and I feel winded" , severe pain and achiness in the hips, knees and ankles, also in the hands and lower arms, heart palpitations, unable to relax.  Being a 7th pregnancy and being so busy I really wrote alot off as "par for the course".  I did keep saying to my Midwife, I feel further along, why do I feel so bad?  She also thought it was just "normal".

The morning I was heading to the hospital for the IV antibiotics (I tested Group B Strep positive - first time- that may be a piece to the puzzle) I sat staring at the empty cradle and I was just praying, "Lord, I don't know what is wrong.  Everyone tells me everything is fine, but I don't feel like everything is fine.  I don't know why I feel so scared and have this sense that something isn't going to go right.  Please just let everything be alright." 

Everything went fairly well at the hospital.  I could not relax though and ended up having an epidural.  Keller was healthy and big and I seemed to be fine, but I was very anxious to get home.  Every little thing seemed like a hurtle to get over to get home.   After that all was pretty normal postpartum stuff - except I was totally unwilling to re-engage at home.  All I wanted to do was sit in the baby room with him or outside by the pond. By one month I was doing better, but still very foggy headed.  Again, I thought well, this is just life with a family of 9!

When Keller was 8 weeks old, about mid Nov. , we all went to the Pedatrician to get flu mist/shots.  Normally we do not, but we were going to be travelling and staying with multiple families and having a new baby and two other children with asthma, we thought it best to take precautions.  That may have been my undoing. 

If you're still awake and not drooling on the keyboard from boredom, I'll say at this point that just as much as this has been a physical journey it has been a very difficult spiritual journey as well. Physical ailments can either bring out the saint , or the wretched sinner.  Unfortunately, in this case, I have not been a saint.  Far from it.  But seeing ourselves for who and what we are, does us good.  When the refiner's fire brings more and more impurities to the surface it can be painful to see and deal with. It is easy to get discouraged.  But , like Peter, when I stop every once in awhile and look at Christ instead of the waves, I stop drowning in all that despair.

~Cindy

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Jul. 22, 2009 - To the Edge and Back :A Story in Parts

A casual glance at the calendar will reveal that it's been exactly five months (yesterday) since I last blogged.  I called a friend the other day and her first comment was, "So you didn't fall off the egde of the world?"     I came mighty close.

 

Picture yourself running through a maze.  You don't know how you got there or how to get out.  But you're not seeing things from a first person perspective.  It's almost like you're hovering over yourself but you still can't see anymore than the You that you're watching.  Like a video game.  That's a little how I've felt these last eight months.  I've been watching this person go through the motions of "life" not sure if she's really me and if she is, I've been in trouble. 

 

I "came down" with post-partum Thyroiditis.  It hit hard the first part of December but I didn't know until Feb. or so what it really was.  After they scanned, poked and examined every other thing imaginable.  I haven't been able to write mostly because until about two months ago I wasn't putting thoughts together very well and I couldn't look at the computer screen without getting a horrendous headache.  I also have been unable to process everything that has taken place physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  I will be chewing on this for a very long time.

 

I've wanted to write so many times, if  for no other reason than to communicate with friends that check on me occasionally and let them know what's going on.  But starting anything has been too overwhelming.  I decided today that I have to start things eventually or they just don't get finished.  And I might not ever understand everything that's gone on, (like why I found an old trampoline spring hooked on a can of green chilies sitting on the sprinkler in the back yard tonight???)   but maybe that's just the way it is.

 

In addition to my journey, we've had all the usual, and unusual, things that life brings.  Birthday parties, schooling, chores, a foray into organized sports, learner's permits, new teeth, little crawlers, potty training... I just can't believe so much time has gone by.  My little guy is already 10 1/2 months old.  I almost have two teenagers in the house.  For those who have been praying for me, whether you knew what was going on or not, thank you.  Without that our family would have struggled so much more.

 

I'm going to keep it short tonight, but I am planning on writing a little each day (or so) until I get through things. 

 

~Cindy

 

 

 

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Feb. 21, 2009 - Testing

This is a test of the EBS - (That ' s the Emergency Blogging System)

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEE    EEEE  EEEEEE

If this had been an actual Blogging Emergency - or a Post - The sound you just heard would have been followed by about 100 paragraphs explaining where I've been and why I haven't been blogging.  You'd hear all about the baby, my health issues, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, Inauguration Day, Ground Hog Day, Valentine's Day and  President's Day.  You'd hear about how not busy I've been because I've had to completely tone things down around here.  You might even see a picture.

 

But since this is only a test to see if anyone out there even noticed I wasn't around for a while, or maybe still has me on an RSS feed :)  all you get today is a "Hi, I'm hanging in there.  We've had quite a winter, but God has taken us through it.  I've missed doing alot of things these past few months and blogging and reading blogs are two of them.  I hope everyone is doing great and I am looking forward to catching up with people very soon.  Still waiting on some tests results, but Lord willing, I'll be on the mend shortly."

This was only a test :)

~Cindy

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Aug. 24, 2008 - Are there chickens in Wyoming? (or " I don't think I can take much more)

Painting with a very broad brush, I contend that there are three types of people: 

Those who want to hide from the World

Those who want to join the World   and

Those who want to change the World

Have you ever thought about which one you are?   I would say the second is never an appealing option to me.  I vacilate between the first and the third.  Some seasons of life, you wake up each day ready to tackle it all.  You have the energy and the drive to feel passionately, act decisively, and live victoriously.  As a mother, you vow to instill in your children, by God's grace, all of the positive, much needed character traits that society is lacking.  You're going to change the world one nose wipe at a time!!

Then there are the seasons when you want to move to Wyoming and raise chickens.

You just feel tired. Weary. Like a dog that just doesn't have the fight in him anymore.  Like taking on City Hall. Like going after a grizzly bear with a butterfly net.  You just don't want to put forth the effort anymore to try and make a difference.  Who cares anyway?  Then you join Elijah under his juniper tree and lament.

But God still sends ravens doesn't He?  And there's water. And rest.  And you find out you're not alone.  Slowly, strength returns, the brook dries up and you find yourself heading back into the fray to try again.  Knowing ,again, that you're not without an External Power source. 

Aren't you thankful that God's mercies are new every morning?  Isn't it encouraging to have God pick you up, dust you off and say - OK, get in there. 

Whether it's battling a severe medical issue with a family member or friend, facing unbelievably hard financial times, or homeschooling your brood another day, God has the strength that we need. 

He was truly serious when He said "Be not weary in well doing..." 

**This post brought to you by a mother who was feeling totally overwhelmed, tired, agitated, irritated, and above all very pregnant, before she sat down to write.  Thank you.  :)

(and no, I do not want to do a unit study on raising chickens, in Wyoming or anywhere else. I appreciate the eggs, but don't feel compelled to have backyard access to them)

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Aug. 19, 2008 - Quick update, again

In keeping with our family's summer theme of "God is totally in control and we are thoroughly aware of it"  we were told yesterday that our new little one may be making his appearance sooner than expected.  I will be 35 weeks tomorrow and I am measuring 39 weeks, so he's still growing well :)  He's also at -2 and I am 3cm and 50%. So I am going to take it easy for the next two weeks (until I hit 37 weeks) and then I can go jogging :) 

We are praying that he will stay put until then so his lungs can mature fully and since I have dear friends who are giving me baby showers the end of next week. I'd like to be there :)  God's timing is not ours, so I will take what He gives.

We "officially" started school yesterday, more for my oldest son's benefit than anything.  It went fairly well, although the younger ones are only doing a few things.  And I am Commanding from the couch :) 

We talked this morning at devotions about the Season's of life and how we don't need to wish away the one we are in because it's chaotic or difficult.  We need to enjoy the times we have because they will pass away quickly and another will come to take it's place.  The times of trying are the times when we learn and grow the most.   Ecclesiates 7:3 says " Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better."  

We don't have to spend our lives looking sour to be holy, but we don't have to hate the tough times that come either.

Until later (maybe with new baby at home?)
~Cindy

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Jul. 30, 2008 - What a wonderful world???

It's almost the perfect writing day - a little rainy, no outside time commitments, kids are playing somewhat happily;  Only thing off is I just ran out of coffee.  Can't have it all can we?

I read through alot of different devotions.  Sometimes Spurgeon, sometimes another book/bible study.  Right now I'm reading Oswald Chambers - My Utmost For His Highest  (again!)  You know how you can read through things multiple times and each time different things will make an impression.  If you're reading MUFHH  right now, you know today was about Disillusionment.  I have always looked at it as a 'bad' thing.  But my thinking was set quite straight this morning. 

In John 2:24-25  it says , " But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew men, And needed not that any should testify of man: for he knew what was in man."  (in the context of the people asking for a sign from him as to why he came crashing into the temple and driving out the profiteers)

Chambers says this," Disillusionment means having no more misconceptions, false impressions, and false judgements in life; it means being free from these deceptions.  "  He goes on to say that our usual experience of disillusionment leaves us cynical and overly critical of others.  "But the disillusionment that comes from God brings us to the point where we see people as they really are, yet without any cynicism or any stinging and bitter criticism."  Read that again. 

If we all saw it that way can you even imagine what life would be like?  I have "suffered" from bad cases of disillusionment and seen those who have suffered - sometimes greatly.  Christ didn't have that problem.  He KNEW what was in man on the front end, yet he was not suspicious or bitter.  Truthful, honest and direct about the condition of humanity, but not bitter.  His confidence was in God - not things or people. 

I think it's probably obvious why that strikes a chord with me as of late.  Things will let you down. (multiple times!!!)   No joy to be found there.  People are not perfect and will not provide all the peace, joy and love we want either.  Nor will an environment, a vacation, a church; you can make your own list. 

In that constant Tetris game going on in my head, (you know where try to make all the pieces fit with as few holes as possible), two things today have confirmed these thoughts.  #1  -  At  7:00AM my dh called to say, Hi, I'm down the road - my car bit the dust.  If you've been reading, you know we've tried.  We let it sit and we tried to fix it.  It is out of our hands :)  Always was, but it's nice when you REALLY know it.  So I smiled and said, I'll come take you to work - wonder what the Lord's going to do?  Praise the Lord I do not have to trust in my 1991 Dodge Caravan with about 240,000 miles on it.  Now we only have one car left to let us down :)  Oops, that's probably too cynical isn't it?   #2 - I read an article on some policies that it seems Univ. of California schools have adopted concerning the courses that Christian students take prior to admission to UC schools.  Apparently if the courses are from a biblical worldview perspective they deem them as not being challenging enough to make it at UC, b/c they don't teach evoution.  There are disputes on both sides as to what the policies actually say, but it seems that they are being interpreted that way by the schools, according to several parents.  You can read it here  .        

Some people are disillusioned by what they see in society - bias against things of God, cruelty, injustice;  But being the mother of almost seven and having brought several children through their toddler years, I ask WHY???  WHY are you so surprised and affronted?  You expected differently?  Sin nature is alive and kicking folks.  No matter how God-ordained your country's Founding Documents may be.  You can't rule men's hearts with a piece of paper.  Only if the men believe in what's on the piece of paper.  That requires a different heart up front.  I don't expect my two year old to naturally want to obey me and stop drawing on the walls any more than I expect a Secular institution to naturally desire to tolerate Christians and their beliefs. 

So do we just get mad? Cynical? Critical?  I don't think so. Let's just understand what we're dealing with and then gird oursleves and our children up for the fight.  Because it is a fight.  That's why we homeschool.  Not so that we can be "relaxed".  Not to stay in our jammies until noon.  It's because we take seriously the idea that we have to equip our children the best that we can to live in this world.  Confident communicators for Christ.  Biblical world-view minded scientists.  Principled, trustworthy business owners or employees.  Pastors, teachers....

So as I drove back from Carbs R Us (aka: Krispy Kreme) this morning  (we decided to have a mourning party for Dad's car)   listening to James Taylor, yes I am a closet James Taylor fan, I felt good.  Not because the world is such a great place, but because we have such a great God - no matter how rotten things seem sometimes.

~Cindy

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Jul. 19, 2008 - Be fruitful...

Our pastor sends all the expectant moms in our congregation, as well as others in his aquaintance, encouragements throughout our pregnancies.  I thought the one we received today was wonderful and wanted to share it.

"Dear Fruitful Vines,

 One never knows in God’s mercy and kindness what a simple appeal to a Biblical passage can produce. As I was pondering my last encouragement to you all, I pondered Psalm 128. Verse 3 says, “Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house.”  I thought, “You know, instead of saying, ‘Dear pregnant moms,’ maybe, ‘Fruitful Vines,’ instead.” Now “pregnant moms” is a lovely term to me. Nevertheless, from the encouraging replies I received regarding the term Fruitful Vines, it will now be the address of choice!

 This also pointed out to me again the importance of words and, especially in our society, of image. You dear sisters have to stand in the checkout lines of Wal-Mart and other stores all the time. Glaring at you are rows of magazines that virtually shout at you, “The Hollywood Harlots are the standard of beauty. You have to look like this, and display that, or you are not beautiful.”

 Don’t listen to this. Reject it. Replace this lie with God’s truth.

 Some of you mentioned waddling. Some of you mentioned that vines are thin. I was amused. Yet, I was also pierced to my very soul. Our society has made body-sculpting surgeons rich and constantly shoves its artificial, nip-and-tuck, silicone and Botox standard of beauty in your face. Let me tell you something: waddling, as your body bears the children God gave you, is holy. The changes, the aches, the pains, the swelling, the stretch marks, and all the rest—these are all beautiful in the eyes of the Lord and to any man who has his biblical wits about him. It is stunning beauty to see women submitting to the often painful changes that bearing the Lord’s children brings. Being fruitful and multiplying brings glory to the Lord Jesus Christ and is the holy act of bringing God’s elect into this world. Through virgin’s womb, our beloved Savior entered this world. Mary did the most holy waddling that has ever graced the planet. It was not the sultry, sensual sashay of seduction. It was the humble, load-bearing, groaning, aching waddle of the salvation of all God’s elect for all eternity. Waddle on, groan on, swell up to the glory of the Lord Jesus Christ: you are displaying a true and holy beauty to your God and to anyone who has eyes to see.

 My beloved wife used to say in her last trimester, “I feel like a beached whale.” I wish I had told her a million times and more, “But you are beautiful to me and to the Lord.” She was then and she is now the delight of my eyes. Dear Vines, there is a beauty in your fulfilling the eternal purpose of God to which all the airbrushed, surgically enhanced bodies on this planet will never compare. Your self-effacing sacrifice displays the glory of your Lord.

Waddle, swell, and groan to the glory of your Savior. He knows true beauty when he sees it."

I don't think I could have said it any better!
~Cindy

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Jul. 16, 2008 - The Conclusion of it all

I knew a joke awhile back where the punchline basically said,  If you play a country song backwards the wife comes home, you stop drinking, your car starts and the dog comes home.  

If you could play my last post backwards, that would be about the same idea.  Well, God has blessed even as he continues to stretch. Update:

We got our car back.  It's running!  We just don't know how fast we're going or how far since the odometer and spedometer are not working.  :-O  Good thing my dh has always been a speed limit guy.  He just goes slower than everyone else and figures he's ok.  Yes, we're in the market for good, dependable wheels that get great gas mileage - Dh's work is only 5 miles away sooo, I think it will be a green Diamondback mountain bike for awhile.

All appliances are working!!  Yes, the stove light keeps clicking off and on for no apparent reason, but food can be cooked.  And this time of year who wants to use a an oven?

I found my debit card!!  But not before I had concelled it and ordered a new one.  At least it wasn't "out there" floating around.  Oh, it was in 9yo son's drawer.  The one we call the 'trash man'.  We had to take him off trash duty because his drawer was so full of 'treasures' he 'found'.  He claims he was set-up, but we're still investigating.

My curriculum seems to all be on the way!!  There was a one week hold-up with Rainbow b/c of backorders but UPS should be bringing a whole truckload of boxes my way the end of this week-yippee.  I'm also selling very well on www.homeschoolclassifieds.com  all things that I didn't sell at the used curriculum sale here.

I have found a  fantastic Secretarial service for homemakers and home educators.  And it's FREE!  The catch is, everyone has their own, generally speaking.  They may or may not be local for you and experience differs greatly from office to office.      MOM  :)   She is a typing whiz, is great with Excel and her brain came hard-wired for organization.  She has been wonderfully desiging and re-doing forms and papers that I really need.  THANKS!!  (Hope it's still free after I embarrass you  :)  )

The kids are helping out by doing "Summer chores" each day.  They get tasks done that I would have trouble with right now and I make sure they don't kill themselves or each other in the process.  Yesterday for example was trash can and high chair scrubbing day.  Things were going pretty well until I went inside to a do a few things....  Just so you know, sidewalk chalk is not deadly, but it is pretty hard to swallow.  almost 2yo son ate a chunk of red chalk and my calm 14yos ran in shrieking - HE"S EATING CHALK!!  I was on the phone with "my secretary" and had to very quickly go in a panic - not a good idea when it's grandma too - assessed he was not dying, scooped and rinsed until little guy was not coughing then out he went to suck on all the sponges they were using to scrub out trash cans.  Isn't it amazing how resilient they are?

So, If I can keep the children well and uninjured for the next three weeks or so, we may start school slightly into August, the house may be relatively clean and organized, and at least DH will be getting great exercise.

Thank you Lord.

~Cindy

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Jun. 27, 2008 - Whose flow is this anyway?

!!!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!! Had to get that in first

There are things we look forward to.  Springtime. A break from routine (and school).  The first peaches of the year.  Hydrangea blooms. 

There are things we expect.  The next day to come.  Kids to interrupt when we get on the phone. Our car to start when we jump in.

What do we do when few things happen that we expect and most things go in a completely unexpected direction?

Back in May I carefully crafted a beautiful calendar for June and July with all of the things that needed to be done fit in nicely.  I felt so assured that all would be done in a timely manner and I would coast into August ready for school before the baby in September.  You're laughing aren't you?  or maybe not.

I'm sure that the folks in Iowa and Missouri did not wake up one morning in June and say " You know , today seems like a great day to have the house flood and lose everything.  I'll put that on my to do list."   My unexpected's are no where near that magnitude, nor the other situations that I've witnessed over the last month.  But they have wreaked there own level of havoc on what I had planned.  God has a "heavenly shredder" - it has been doing overtime in our lives this month.  (I'm following this post with a song we sing out of the Trinity Hymnal)

Brief synopsis:  (I'm not going to apologize anymore for long-posts.  I'm an  ardent blogging basics rule breaker)

Haven't gotten curriculum ordered.  We just had a used currciculum sale within our support league and I sold some and bought some.  Saved $ - that's good  Still have enormous Rainbow order to put in along within a few others and I'm sweating getting everything back in time to get organized enough to start school when I think I need too.  But that is just the thing.  Maybe I don't need to when I think I do?

Had unexpected family visits, not unpleasant :), just not planned.  Then we went and helped them move.  I'm glad we got to see them and the Lord threw in a washer and dryer that we couldn't afford, but someone else could.  We didn't think we needed it yet, even though ours are aging.  But would you believe this Sat. the washer just flat died? (of course, our sheets were in there b/c I wanted to sleep on clean sheets after the hectic Sat. we had!)  After all the other things this month that have broken down, I just looked at my husband and said, well at least the dryer works. And praise the Lord He knew we needed a new washer and dryer before we did.  Now we just need to get a trailer hitch put on the only working car and drive up to AL to get it  :)  which will be Thursday - that's at least 2-3 loads p/day x 4 days, I'm sure we'll out be out of underwear by then but if I catch up on ironing at least we'll have outerwear

The cars - Our ancient but faithful mini-van, which we outgrew 2 years ago, has been in sick bay in the driveway since end of May.  We were deciding whether or not to fix it or get a 'new-to-us' car.  After driving the 12 passenger gas guzzler exclusively this past month - yup, cost us $102 dollars to fill it up yesterday, we have decided to fix old faithful and keep saving for a good second car.  (incidentally, we can be conditioned so easily - my son yells out - look! gas is only $3.91 over there!  That's cheap someone exclaims.  I shook my head as I pulled in and said to dh - do you hear what you're saying?  Have we lost all perspective?  $3.91 is NOT cheap for gas!!!  Amazing)

I came home Fri. evening and we discovered that our 22 month old can, with ease, climb in and out of his crib and that he can now climb up to the top bunk even though we took out the two bottom rungs.  OK, planned on moving him to the toddler bed in August.  Last night we began the time-honored tradtion of training  a child to stay in bed.  Some of our children were a breeze, a few were tough.  This kid - uugghh.  But, bright spot - we have an alarm system built in the room.  4yo brother yells at the top of his lungs everytime little guy climbs out - He's climbing out of his bed!!!!  So after the 10th trip into the room, our youngest got weary of the game and went to sleep.  Oh, we took the ladder totally off the bunk bed and just boost our 8yo son up when it's time for bed.

Lastly, a little word about summer activities.  I do not like them.  I want my children to get bored.  I thought I had scaled back enough, but apparently not b/c I still feel like a crazy person.  I want to be home, planning, organizing, cleaning and then just playing with my kids, reading a little - you know, relaxing?? So after a month I'm ready to nix art classes, which we usually do during the summer, we haven't gone to any park days yet, and no one is allowed to have any more birthday parties or baby showers. except tomorrow is 8yo son's b'day. 

We got one of those big above ground "bag pools" ,I call them, and the kids are enjoying that.  I like it too, but going up the ladder is um, well unflattering at this point.  Yes, I'm large.  I've got 12 weeks 2 days to go and I'm already ready.  Oh yes, we do have a baby coming soon too. Now that I'm planning on, expecting, and looking forward to, but after all the lessons that God has been teaching us about going with His flow, not ours, I'm not going to assume that everything will go as it always has. 

The last day of June - I can hear the shredder revving up for July :)

~CIndy

( I started this post three days ago...)

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