Posted in Musings

One of the things that I most wish for is to be able to hear God when He speaks to me. So many times I have acted on impulses that I believe to be from God only to be left with doubt when things don't turn out the way I have envisioned. I've gotten to the point where I don't trust myself anymore to be able to distinguish between what I think/want and what God is saying to me. 

I've been reading a book called "Walking with God" by John Eldridge. It's one of the best books I've read in a long time. It's really scratching where I'm itching. I haven't finished it yet, but already there are changes that I've been making in my life. The "description/title/whatever you call it"  underneath the title says "Talk to Him. Hear from Him. Really." That is what drew me to this book. I truly want to be able to hear HIS voice and know when it is HIM and not me or my thoughts.

There are some major things facing me these days in which I need His guidance. I don't know what to do. I want Him to just tell me what to do. I'm talking specifics here. I don't want to hear "Raise up your child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it." I want to know where he should go to school next year. I want to know what I should do when he is tail spinning down, fixin' to crash. What do I do or say to him when he is rebellious and disrespectful? I've read most of the good books out there on the subject. But I need and want more specific information. I want to know what to do with my child, in the particular circumstances we are facing now. No book can tell you that. But I believe God can. God knows what is really going on. He's the ONLY one who knows that. And I want Him to tell me specifically what to do or say.

The other day I decided to fast and spend more time crying out and listening to God. It was after 2:00 in the afternoon before I was able to get alone for some uninterrupted time with God. And it was a good time spent with Him. Fasting is really hard for me to do, but I am so desperate to hear God that everytime I thought of food or felt hungry all I could think was- I need to hear from God more. I want to hear from God more.

I did hear from God, I think. At any rate, I was much calmer about things and He did give me some guidance even though it wasn't specific. I'm not giving up. I know He has specifics for me and I will just continue to listen until I hear what they are.