Posted in Musings

Antioch. Where do I even begin to express what all went on here?

When Guy first told me about his invitation to a meeting in Antioch my heart immediately jumped- I wanted to go with him. I love to travel, but have been fine with staying home while Guy went to other places. But this was different. Never had I wanted to go with him so badly. I spent a lot of time on my knees, crying, begging God to work things out so that I could go. He did. However, because the invitation was for Guy I felt pretty much like I was just tagging along, allowed because I was his wife and wives were okay to come along. At times I felt like the Canaanite woman happy for a few crumbs that fell off the table. I mean, this was a meeting of people I considered to be great people, people to revere for their contributions to the kingdom and who are known around the WORLD. Who am I to even be a part of this? But the desire to be there was stronger than my feelings of insecurity. Maybe I didn't belong, but I was there and I was going to take something away no matter what.

One evening, one of the men there felt led to pray all night and invited others to join him. I decided I would. Several people stayed on walking around, sitting around, but all praying fervently. I didn't want to bother anyone so I went to the very back corner of the room to pray. After praying for awhile I felt a hand on my shoulder and a brother told me that the only problem with me there was that I wasn't with the group and he gently led me down to the front with the others. He even helped me to lift my hands in prayer (ok, that was a bit uncomfortable for me, but I want to be free of such inhibitions so I did it). I felt for the first time like maybe I was there because God wanted me there, not because I wanted to be there. I began to believe that while I may not be contributing much, God was going to do a work in me and that there was a purpose for me to be there.

By the end of the week I knew that God intended for me to be there. I have a purpose to fulfill in Ecuador and I needed to be there to learn what that was.