Here is my scene that depicts my main character, Faeryn, showing emotion.
Faeryn froze as the ground rumbled beneath her feet.Her eyes widened and stared wildly at the prophet.“Byerron?”She said his name slowly, but her voice rang with anxiety and the last note squeaked with panic.
Byerron knew well enough what was causing the ground to shake, but he was unwilling to reveal the cause to her and thereby force himself to admit the predicament he had gotten them both into.
“It’s nothing,” he said, a note of haste leaking into his words despite his efforts to appear calm.“The ground often shakes in these parts.”
Faeryn’s eyes contained a glint of mistrust as she stared at him, and she took one tentative step forward.She looked up at the mountain, as if she thought she could find the reason for the tremors there, and then continued on the path, occasionally glancing down into the ravine to refresh her memory on how far it was to the bottom.
**Note: As my story is still in the making, all names, places, and events may be subject to change.** Copyright 2008 Cherise A. Do not reproduce at all without my express permission. If you like what I do, you can link to me instead.
Is that really in the story??? Or did you just write that for the lesson. If its in the story, you better start posting more of the story so I can read more!!!!!
Amy
I agree with Amy! This had better be in your story. I love it when students use their own characters to practice their lessons on. It's possible that the lessons might end up as the part of the story.
Nice showing of F's emotion of fear, anxiety, etc. From reading this I understand that the scene is being written from B's POV (point of view). He's seeing F's fear, and I read what he was thinking, "He knew.." etc.
Nice job.
And sorry I haven't been able to keep up on your story lately. I've been getting the prompts, but right now I'm having trouble keeping up with lessons. Thankfully, your posts don't "self-destruct" after a certain amount of time, and I can go read them in my leisure, when things slow down. If you had a widget and I posted it on my writing blog, it would be EASY to go and grab chapters to read. (hint, hint). Amy (Booklover) has a widget there. You can ask her how to get one....
My pen pours forth like a fountain, and this is the place where you can read some of what I have written.
Please leave a comment, even if you only read part of a post! I love feedback and constructive criticism, and I want to know that what I post is being read.
The Prophet of Einehrowaye is a fantasy novel-in-progress, which is currently 66,125 words long. Here is a list of links to all the bits of it I have posted so far.
Tears for the Silent Lands is my NaNoWriMo 2008 fantasy novel, which made it to 68,000 words during November, and the first draft of which is now finished with 118,576 words. I will not be posting all of this,
however, I will post a few excerpts:
Beth and Kale is a side story that I'm working on, currently 17,317 words long. It is sadly in need of a new title, so if you have any suggestions, please tell me!
Here is what I have posted of it so far:
Reach for the Stars Writing Workshop is an online writing workshop for young writers who wish to
sharpen their skills, taught by the fabulous Mrs. Marlow. Here are the links to the lessons I have done:
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Jul. 1, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Amy