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Dec. 31, 2005
The odds and ends
Every single night I sit here and try to blog about the last weeks and for some reason I kept putting it off. So the week before Christmas has come and gone, as has Christmas and the days following. So of course things have happened, I've had thoughts, read good stuff, well I guess the same as everyone else lol.
Hmm where to start. Went to my mom's big mega church for "pre"Christmas service. It was beautiful. The "set" was gorgeous, the music was really great, and the service like always was pretty milky, mostly odd stories and jokes from the charismatic pastor. As always I have little idea what it was about. But... I made some interesting observations. So I wore a floor length new blue dress with pretty flowers my mom got me. It really is nice and pretty. First nice and feminine thing I have gotten since I gained this weight. And my long hair just in a headband (having been late and left with my hair wet). So I show up at the church. Now earlier in the year at my mom's prompting tried to see if this church would be good for our family. We went to a church ministries fair where there were over 100 tents/booths for each of the church's ministries. Now being me the first place I went to was the Women's Ministry. I was interested in seeing what books they were studying, etc. So I found what I expected as far as Beth Moore books, etc. (no flames, just what I expected). Having just moved to CA from TN things and culture are admittedly different here. Back home in TN I would at church functions find large groups of women looking all the same, the homeschool uniform as Clay calls it, we all know the look - denim jumpers, long braids. I myself have often fallen in that category. I like me a good jumper :) But I found these women trying to be modest at most of the churches were very open and sweet. So when I got to the women's booth once again I was faced with all the women looking the same. But they were all in tight jeans, tops and had super short hair and lots of makeup. All of them. Okay so CA is different. But the woman who came an talked to me was mean. Really. Being rude when I asked her about children being able to ever be involved in the women get togethers, etc. Frankie was playing with a mini beach ball he had been given and I had to call him back when it rolled away. Oh the look she shot him when he had to be rebuked for not listening. Okay be short with me but don't give my son looks! Anyways, so the women's ministry there just wasn't the open Titus 2 feeling I had hoped for. So in general the only women wearing dresses at church are the very older women. Okay off the tangent. So I show up at church for the Christmas service. I have never had this happen but I was getting all this attention from young girls. Little girls turning and looking at me as they were walking away, turning around at me during church, etc. It happened the whole service. All the young girls in all the bleachers around me kept turning to look at me. Honestly is it so different for these young girls these days to see a young mother with long hair in a long flowing feminine dress? It is. Young girls are drawn to feminine things, to pink, to ribbons, baby dolls, glitter, flowers. They look at princesses with long flowing hair and crowns and think they are so beeaauutiful. How sad that in this day and age young girls aren't seeing this beauty and softness from the grown women around them.
And another thing I saw in church. So throughout the service as always there were babies that grew restless and a tad loud. But I am used to seeing so many mothers walking babies, sitting in nursing rooms, lobbies and a whole slew of mommies over on the side soothing little babies. But all there were were daddies. There were a lot of men holding baby bottles, walking toddlers around. Okay okay don't get me wrong there is absolutely nothing wrong with daddies walking toddlers around. But there were 30-40 men and ONE woman with her baby. Are things just SO different here in CA? Am I being oversensitive? I dunno. It just gave me a feeling. A "where are the mommies?" feeling. It got me to wondering. So often as women we are the ones striving to be more "spiritual". Reading more books, being on Christian message boards, and wishing our husbands were more the man of God we "wish" he was. I know many times earlier in my mommy days I grew resentful of all the times I had to take the baby out and miss the message (depended on the church we were in). Rocking my baby in the lobby is just as holy as sitting listening to the service. In a small way I was proud of the daddies for quieting the babies. And in another way a bit ashamed that there was only one mommy with the babies.
If you read this far can you say a quick prayer for my mother. My mom has always been very very liberal. She believes in God but believes that God is a blanket term for everyone's version of God. She has many friends of all different religions and views. So she never believed that Jesus was the only way. That meant that her friends if they chooes to continue to deny the deity of Christ would go to Hell. And yet somehow through a friend she started going to this church. It is serving her well. She loves going, she goes to small groups each week, serves food to the homeless each week, and is studying her Bible every morning and night. For the first time ever she says she is on the fence of whether or not the Bible is the infallible inspired Word of God. Never has she seemed so open, so willing to even entertain the notion. She feels there are still too many contradictions in the Bible. Now since in the past in the infancy of my Christian walk all conversations got too heated, she is very wary of having theological discussions with me. So I asked her to put together her concerns with the Bible and controdictions and I will pray and search the scriptures and get back to her when we can discuss it rationally. So I need prayer that she will be open to God's voice as she searches these things out.
Boy lots of ramblings and haven't even talked about Christmas. Later.
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