|
Jan. 3, 2006
Excuses excuses excuses
Today on a message board I found myself posting this in a reply to a sweet lady's post:
"I have dealt with
a lot with Clay, a lot of depression and a long time feeling just
"stuck" with a poor relationship with my Jesus because it was both easy
and well.. how do I say this?... seemed like I should be because he
wasn't the leader I thought God wanted him to be. Now understand I very
much am still at this place. So I will just ramble how I often feel, or
some of it "have felt". I have felt... that my sadness and lack of
relationship with God is justified because he is/was doing such a poor
job as my leader. That if he could see my sadness he would see the man
he should be. That if only I had him leading me in spiritual matters,
discussing the Bible with me, and the children, that together we would
be growing SO close to the Lord, and that I NEED NEED NEED this. That
is some twisted way my sadness and meloncholy punished him for not
stepping up and being the man of God I "need" him to be. That I cannot
be happy in this marraige if he is not becoming this man of God before
my eyes in ways I can see. And to be honest, how can I happily submit
to this man if I am searching the scriptures, praying about things and
he is not? And that if only he were this spiritual leader I would be
doing so well in my walk in the Lord, that I would be such a strong
woman of God if he was a stronger man of GOd. Oy. I could go on and on.
In the end, what I have been confronted with lately is that these are
falsehoods, basically,.. excuses. Excuses for my lack of joy, for my
lack of peace, for my lack of outpouring of love to my husband, lack of
quiet time with the Lord, lack of time in the Word, lack of self
control with my body/weight, lack of control over the house, etc. etc.
what are some examples of things you are hearing from the Lord that you
feel you can't implement because he is not agreeing? I have gone
through all of this as far as no tv, healthy food, modest clothing,
etc. Many many women do. Katie recently posted something on her blog
about Moms and Dads doing things differently. Her wisdom has spilled
over to so many areas of my life. Oftentimes I know that I, and many
other women, feel not only that we are spiritually superior, but that
all these graet convictions we are hearing for the Lord are the BEST
thing for our families and that it is just a tragedy that we have to
follow our husband's decision that goes against these convictions. What
a sad thing if we got our way all the time. And it's funny because I
know I always assume that since I feel I am getting this from the Lord,
that it's not MY way, it's God's way. TV is bad, God believes it to be
bad, so Clay is going against God by still wanting tv in our lives.
Yunno, I am trying to learn for ME that when God wants to convict Clay
of it then He will. For now, I have to see that God wants ME to limit
my tv time, and my children as well. But this weekend Clay watched Star
Wars with Frankie and it was so much fun for them, playing with light
sabers while they watched, etc. If I had my way, that time would have
been lost. MY way. Anyways. I am still in the grips of the same way you
are feeling. I can't in all honesty say it is as simple as just
deciding to be happy, though I feel it may be. I have people in my life
say, just go to the gym, just write out a schedule and follow it, just
let the things Clay does roll of my back, just be happy. And literally
right at midnight (you can read my blog entry about it) God showed me
that it isn't about choosing any of those things but choosing God.
Choosing to stay in His Word, in prayer. Choosing time with Him
everyday and the choices to do those other things will come easier.
Your joy doesn't come from your husband but from God. Only through God
will you find the peace in your submission."
It was as much to me as it was to the sweet lady I was responding to. I think this problem is much more prevelant than is often discussed. Over and over we hear many different Christian women struggling with their husband's not being the spiritual leader they wish that they were. This is nothing new. They are pained, they are having a hard time submitting properly, having a hard time not stepping up and taking their place. Yet I never hear talk of the excuses we make as one of these struggling women. I don't know that I would be as concerned about the spiritual life of my family if I was strong and on fire for God as I should be. I wouldn't be struggling as much with submitting to my "not so spiritual" (this is an example lol) hubby if I were in the Word and in prayer. I don't feel that I am articulating myself as well as I wish. But's it is time for women to stop using their husband's place at not being the "man of God" they wish he was as an excuse for the problems in their life, and with their children, and with their marraige. Oy. Myself included.
|
| • Post A Comment! • Send to a Friend!
|
Comments
|
|
|
|
