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Jan. 11, 2006
The Comparison Troll
That darn little troll that seems to sneak in the houses of so many of us Christian ladies. We think that because we dress modestly, or homeschool, avoiding outside activities to keep out a lot of the peer pressure, amongst other reasons. But here we are sheltering our children from peer pressure and so so many of us let ourselves feel the pressure. We compare. We get down on ourselves if our lives aren't perfect. We let ourselves feel threatened by the very ladies we admire. For a long long time I was a comparer. Okay so I am a recovering comparer. There are times when it slips in. But the Lord is working it all out. When you let yourself compare yourself to other families of the Lord you lose in so many ways. Let's tell my story.
So I have/had/ well have a friend back home. For so long I felt she lived the life I always wanted. I mean really. She was so full of the joy of the Lord at our young ages. She never ever even raised her voice. She eats 100% raw, exercise 360 days a year. And had the dream courtship. Their family sits every night while her hubby reads stories to the children, and on and on. That family. The one flourishing together in the Lord. Now we have been friends for about 7 years. She has always been nothing but an amazing friend to me. In ways that make me want to grow closer to know my God. But even until when I moved here to CA I always compared her life to mine. I tried and tried not to but I just did. And all I did was lose. When times got tough for me, tough in ways that change who you are, I felt like I couldn't reach out for her companionship because she was so perfect. I couldn't ask for prayer about my hubby because then she, with her amazing godly husband, would know the kind of man I thought Clay "was" ( what a horrible thing to admit). When I got depressed and gained a lot of weight, I stayed away from her because she ate so perfect and exercised. Many times I would alienate my sweet hubby when I would compare him to "Bob". I spent years not being able to look at my dear husband and see the amazing man he truly is because all I would see is who he wasn't. I couldn't enjoy myself because all I could see is who I wasn't. I couldn't enjoy my home because all I could see is what it wasn't. All around I lost. When you compare you lose. You lose friendships, you lose contentment, you lose the ability to see beauty in what is around you, including yourself.
Throughout my years in great message boards I have met some amazing women of God that truly are shining examples of the women and families that God is proud to be a model of Christ. Lately here and there there have been women speaking out against these great women. Firstly, insinuating that these women's lives are not as great as they appear to be. Secondly that by these women sharing their wisdom, showing younger women how obeying the word of God, using their life examples, will bring glorious marraige, children and lives in the Lord are teaching ladies poorly and giving them false hopes. Funny how one can listen to admonition from amazing wonderful ladies of God and say they are being legalistic. That by saying you need to submit to your husband, and here are some practical ways, are saying we need to just what they do or we are lost. And thirdly, that the lives of these women are "easier" than most families' lives and it is folly for these wise women to pass on their wisdom because it is not applicable to the normal layman's life. Is the Bible no longer applicable because we are living in Israel or Rome?
This is the bottom line with all that. To me anyways. I can't look in their hearts and say what is so. But they sound like I did, and sometimes do. Comparing the lives of these great women and feeling threatened. Feeling threatened by the fact that they do not have the same relationship with God, their husband or children. That they are not as organized. That they are inferior. In the end it goes back to excuses. Is my life harder than theirs? Are their husbands better than mine? Are their children better? Is their house better set up to stay clean? All the things that people say are the reasons that these women's words should not be spoken. The answers can be yes or no, but do the answers matter? I might have had to deal with addiction in our family, they might have had death, or depression, or... Should I love or respect my husband less if he doesn't lead family worship, or what if he wasn't saved at all? Do I treat him with less respect? What if their children were given the by God the gift of a mild temper. Does that mean I raise my children up with anything other than the guideline of first time obedience? If I live in a bigger house, or a tiny house, does that mean I do not have to be organized and keep my house a sanctuary for my family? Why on earth does it matter the differences in families when it comes from sharing and gleaning wisdom from these amazing women? Praise God for the women my Jesus has brought into my life to help lift me up. I realize that lately the Lord has really been working on my heart in this area. In days past I would have said "we only have 3 children, why can't I just get my act together like they do with 12?" But recently I have been sharing bits of wisdom from the web from some ladies with Clay. And I have felt so hopeful ( now I have my moments of getting down) but I feel hopeful when I look at the lives of these ladies. And that is why the Lord bring these types of families into our lives. We should say "WOW! Look at how Katie has managed to scale back on all the toys with such a large family! Or look how so and so had 12 children and the children are so godly and loving. Through God's help WE can do that! If we tomato stake or teach the children thankfulness we can have the peace in our family God desires. Let's get started! :) :)" Okay a bit much but.... you get my drift. So stop the hatin, stop the comparin, and start goin.
And an extra thanks to those ladies that the Lord has been using to work in my heart - some of you know who you are :)
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Jan. 11, 2006 - Not just women
My biggest breakthrough came from the parable of the talents. You'll notice that God does not treat the man with the 2 talents any differently than the man with the 5 talents. Both invested and reaped the results. Instead, God was angry with the one who sat on his talent. He probably spent a lot of time grousing about the other two guys.
I now realize that God is the one who has put me here, gifted me with the abilities I have, and allowed me to retain the weaknesses I suffer. I am no greater or worse than the man next to me. He has crossed my path, but I am on such a different road, one that God has laid out for me. I really have only to be concerned with how He sees me, and he's already told me that He sees His Son when he looks at me. My own perceptions, and other's as well, don't really last and don't really matter.
Steve