Free Range Homeschool
• Jan. 28, 2009 - My kitchen is going to the dogs....
We got a Rottweiler for Christmas. She was free, and my 6 year old fell in love with her. My other two dogs (a black shepherd and an Australian kelpie) weren't nearly so enamored and it took them about a week of snarling at each other before they decided she could hang out with the cool kids. Remy is unphased and rules the house with all the langor of Jabba the Hut. She is Mistress of all she Surveys from the chair she has commandeered in the living room where she sleeps belly up and snores, farts, and talks in her sleep. It's almost like having a man in the house again.
To go with these endearing qualities is her appetite. This dog doens't miss a meal. Any meal. Whether it's hers or not. She hears the fridge open and she's like a line backer peering over your shoulder (or at least from around your knees). She sits by the table and drools...I mean DROOLS...long strings of saliva from jowl to floor, hanging there like egg white paused over a frying pan. She watches you eat with all the intensity of a starvation survivor, finally flopping herself on the floor like a child not getting her way, her head flat between her paws like a dog skin rug while her eyes say "If you loved me, you'd give me that pretzel." So, I imagine it was just a matter of time before she started helping herself to our food.
We went out last weekend and returned to find the lazy susan had been broken into, crushed Nori all over the living room floor, Fruit Leather wrappers scattered like dead soldiers, and little piles of regurgitated dried cranberries. While I know little miss Petunia Pig orchestrated the break in, my other two dogs had no problem being an accessory to the crime. The only thing that slowed the carnage seemed to be the issue with the cranberries, or they would have wiped us out of cereal, oatmeal, crackers, and everything else I keep low enough for the kids to help themselves to.
In response we've taken to bracing the cabinet with my daughters step stool so Remy can't get her big head in there. Or more accurately, she can't get it out. This morning I heard a commotion behind me and turned around to yell at the dogs (their cavorting often sounds like a pack of wild elephants stampeding from one end of the house to the other) only to find that Remy had tried to help herself to a snack. I say 'tried' because she had gotten the turntable open enough to get her head in, but then had shifted, tried to use the step stool as leverage to get out, and shut her neck in the revolving cabinet door. She didn't whine or yelp, but was for all intents and purposes very calmy trying to extricate herself when I came to the rescue. She looked at me with those sad sad eyes (the ones that say "I'm starving, can't you see I might have lost an ounce in the past 30 seconds") and literally hung her head. My poor, full figured girl was busted and she knew it. It's one thing to fail in pulling a caper off. It's another thing entirely to fail in such a way as to need rescuing.
J. |
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• Jan. 27, 2009 - quanitify
It has come to my attention that I'm not in Oz anymore, so I felt I should quantify myself a little bit more than I have. I'm a secular homeschooler. I'm not Christian...more of an agnostic liberal Unitarian...and I may say things that are offensive. It's in my nature...my mother was Sicilian. In order not to completely alienate EVERYONE, allow me to elaborate: I believe in Christ, his teachings, and living what some might consider a Godly life. But I do not tread gently because the Christian deity told me to, but because it's the right thing to do. I even believe Christ is the physical form of a union between humanity and the Divine. But I cannot believe that the Divine (what some might call God) put us here to be blind automatons. So, before you blunder on clicking that random blog button (like I've been doing all afternoon) and find something that sends you scurrying for your Scriptures, you may want slap your hand over your eyes now and quietly close the door behind you.
For those of you that are still standing in the doorway, c'mon in. Let's chat.
Peace,
J. |
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• Jan. 27, 2009 -
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Here we are, attempt number 32 at keeping a blog. I surf around the internet and think "wow, what a nice blog, I'd like one of those" and then life takes over and the posts fall by the wayside. Such is the way of the free range life. Unfortunately, I can't say this is intentional so much as accidental. I can't set limits for myself let alone my crazy life so when my daughter suggested Homeschool Zoo for the blog title I had to defer to the idea that we are more like a zoo without boundaries. Free range. Welcome to our wild life. |
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