I intended to come here today to write about some conflicts in my homeschool co-op.  I thought that if I wrote things out, I may be able to see more clearly. Now, I didn't want to go into any of the details, but I so desperately wanted to have others hear my side of the story.   There was the hope that you might side with me - "Yea, Traci!  Your ideas are great and you should go forward!"  Or, "Wow - you have every right to bolt.  Get out of there and do your own thing."  Again, God had a different plan.  (OK - when am I going to learn that my plan is usually so different than the things God has in store for me :))  And God so graciously and patiently spoke these words to me today.

To my surprise, there was a slight change in the schedule at church.  The pastor who was to preach on I Corinthians 15 was unable to attend, so instead another pastor chose to preach on John 17 -   "I am praying not only for them (his disciples), but also for those who will believe in my because of them and their witness about me.  The goal is for all of them to become one heart and mind - just as you, Father, are in me and I in you, so they might be one heart and mind with us.  Then the world might believe that you, in fact, sent me.  The same glory you gave me, I gave them, so they'll be as unified and together as we are - I in them and you in me.  Then they'll be mature in this oneness, and give the godless world evidence that you've sent me and loved them in the same way you've loved me."  (The Message)

They'll be mature in this oneness - we will be Christ's body!  Oneness - unified - complete - these words peirced through me like an arrow to the heart.  Was I being mature in the oneness that Christ longed his church to be?  The answer was a resounding "NO"!  I have been failing Christ by failing to strive for unity within my co-op, so with humility I will now share the lessons I learned today - with the hopes that I may truly learn from this lesson and not repeat it again.

Our pastor posed a question that really shook me  - "have you prayed about the conflict as much as you have talked about it?"  Wow - I sure have devoted hour upon hour to discussing this conflict within the group, out of the group, with my children, with my husband - and yes, I have prayed. But if I am being completely honest, my prayers have only been a fraction of the time I have spent just talking about the conflict. 

Dear Lord, please forgive me for relying in my self.  Forgive me that I thought I could figure out a solution on my own, without consulting you or stopping to listen to what you might want to say to me.

Here is another question to think about, "Is there a truth that needs to be told, or do I just want to say it?"  Again, a big zinger to the heart. 

Oh Lord, please forgive me for being quick to speak and slow to listen.  Forgive me for thinking I have the words to speak into the situation.  Teach me how to trust your words.

God allows some level of conflict among his people because working through that conflict will ultimately bring unity.  If we didn't have any "junk" to work through, we may never be honest with each other, we may never pray toether and thus we may never grow closer.  We are to be an example to the world of what the body of Christ looks like.  Yes, we are made up of many different ideas and thoughts, but out of love and obedience to God we bring those ideas and thoughts to a mutual place of understanding  - and ultimate beauty!

My role in this whole co-op mess is to embrace the conflict with humility.  Two things there catch me - first of all embracing the conflict.  I think of embracing the things I love; my husband when he comes home from work, my children when they are hurting, my mom when I have not seen her for months.  I have never thought to embrace conflict.  To me, that implies having a real positive attitude toward the conflict and wrapping my whole self around the situation, not leaving my heart out of it. 

Lord, help me to embrace the conflict.  Give me the strength and the courage to put my whole being into this conflict.

The second part that often trips me up is the humility it takes to approach resolving a conflict.  Unfortunately, most people wouldn't describe me as being humble (something I am working on).  But, in order to make something beautiful out of this conflict, I must take the posture of humility; of sacrificing my goals or my desires, to acknowledge that I may not have the right answer, to listen to my fellow sisters and do what they wish to do. 

Lord, it is only through what you give me that I am able to overcome my tendancy to be prideful.  Break my pride and grant me the ability to be humble.

I praise God for speaking directly to my heart today!  I will aproach this conflict with a much different attitude - I want to be a humble servant who is striving to make many ONE.

There is no need for me to hash out details of she said this and she said that - instead I will turn to the Lord in prayer and with a quiet heart, ready to listen to what HE wants to say.  I believe that our co-op will come out of this being UNIFIED and that we will point all who look at us to the glory of our FATHER who longs to sanctify us. 

Purify me, Oh Lord.  Sanctify me.  Show me how to be more like you.  Speak into this conflict what we all need to hear and help us to come out of this more beautiful in your eyes.  Amen