Last week, Eleanor, my 9 year old, and Isabel, my 4 year old, were having tea parties every day.  They would pull out the box of old prom and bridesmaid dresses that hopelessly will never fit me again!  They pull on the flouncy, poofy and truly 80's style frocks and immediately are transformed into princesses.

Eleanor meticulously sets up the ancient china set, passed down from my husband's Great Aunt Helen.   There are many chips and a few cups with no handles, but it doesn't matter to them; the cups represent beauty and femininity.  Isabel asks if they can use the linen napkins and then plans the snack.  Her choice; fruit chews!  They carefully fill the dainty cups with apple juice, place the fruit chews on the serving plate, fold the linen napkins onto their laps and sit across from one another at the dining room table.

Then the tea party officially begins.  Eleanor tries to engage Isabel into an exciting dialog about the weather.  Isabel is more interested in sorting her fruit chews into colors.  Eleanor asks Isabel is she has read any good books lately.  Isabel looks at her and matter of factly states, "I can't read."  Silence.  More silence. Isabel thinks about it a while, and then starts with her red pile of fruit chews.  Eleanor is squirming in her seat, for she is trying so hard to be a true lady.  One who has stimulating conversation over a light snack and some tea, but that is obviously not happening today.   Finally Eleanor whispers to Isabel, "Start a conversation."

"Huh?" Replys the four year old as she is now eating the orange pile.

"Start a conversation!"  Still whispering.

"OK."  Yet, Isabel is still sitting there quiet as can be.  I see Isabel look up to the ceiling, you know, looking for that answer one can never seem to find on their own.  Then whispers back, ever so innocently.

"What's a conversation?"

I looked at these two girls and thought about how hard they had tried to make it look like they were true royalty; ladies sitting down for tea to discuss the current events.  They had all the makings - fine china, fancy dresses, a good bottle of apple juice and the best bag of fruit snacks they could find.  But they just couldn't pull it off - anyone looking at them would know these are two little girls pretending.

How many times is that how I live my life?  Pretending to have it all together.  My fine china would be my children all cleaned up and standing in a row.  My fancy dresses would be the appearance of feeling great all the time.  My apple juice and fruit snacks would be my homeschool - meticulously planned and enjoyed by all. 

But the reality is that the children screamed and kicked as I forced them to put on their best clothes; I lost my cool 7 times and said hurtfull things to people; and our homeschool day was far from carefully planned and certainly not enjoyed by all.

Why are we so ashamed to admit that we don't have it all figured out?  Why can't we shout out "I need a little help here?" It is then that I realize that there is one I can turn to. 

What it comes down to for me is relying on my Lord and Savior to get me through each day.  Only he can love my children the way they deserved to be love and only he can give me the energy, patience and strength to teach them every day.  And I need to be cracked and vulnerable, or I don't give Him room to fit into my life. 

So, no, I am not perfect and I don't have it all figured out.  But I do know that I can do nothing without Jesus and I am so thankful that He is willing to be there at all times - to start a conversation with me.

Posted by Abiga51

Hi, I commented a little about how to help a shy child on my site after the entry. Hope it helps a bit. Blessings. My daughter just had her fourth and is homeschooling with a new baby and a 17 month old. See her site at Momanna98 a link on my site. Have a great day!

Posted by momanna98

Anyone who is suffering in the cold is a freind of mine!
Somehow, my oldest son is so NOT shy. It is the oddest thing watching him interact with people. I have NO idea why he is like that.