Excerpts from a dog's diary

8:00am Dog Food! My favorite thing!
9:00am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40am A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm Lunch!! My Favorite thing
1:00pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00pm Got to play ball!! My favorite thing!
8:00pm Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00pm Sleeping in my bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a cat's diary

Day 893 of my captivity! My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates
and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets crap. Although I make my
contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something
in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my
dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the
carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I
had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. There was some sort of
assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement
for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell
the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of
'allergies'. I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my
advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other
prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special
privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to
return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I
observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he
reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him
in an elevated cell, so he is safe..... for now.....