My Homeschool Treasure Trove - My Father's Funeral

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Feb. 25, 2008

My Father's Funeral

Posted in Family

It's been a week since my dad's funeral. It's been a week of ups and downs. The uncertainty if my father knew the Lord. Realizing that I was now "fatherless" and my Heavenly Father was there to be my "father." Knowing that I was not the only one who lost a loved one, but being the only one who had the unique relationship with my dad. Wondering if I could make it through "Amazing Grace" at the funeral...

I think the hardest part of losing my dad is not knowing for sure whether he was saved or not. He had always gone to church, and made sure that we were there too. He sent my brother and I to a Christian school. He loved to hear his little girl sing in church. He was a really "nice guy" on the outside (as the pastor said in the funeral service). I had talked with him in years past about what it meant to be saved and how you could know, but I never really got the impression that he was...nor did I get the impression that he disagreed with me. Both my husband and I had talked with him in the past, but really weren't convinced...but everyone lives the Christian life in their own way...but we kept praying that someone would share with him. (You have no idea how hard it is to share with your parents about salvation and Christ's payment for our sins...especially if they have spent all their lives in church).

I got a phone call from my dad a month or so ago when he was leaving the hospital and he wanted to make sure that me, my husband and my kids would be in heaven with him. As much as it thrilled me that he was thinking about that...I still wondered deep down if he really knew...but there was something "different" about how he said it. (And just like Mary...I pondered it and "treasured it in my heart.")

Even when my mom called to tell me he had passed away, I still wondered. I really wanted to think that he was saved...but God was saving a special moment for us later. The pastor asked me to sing for the funeral...but no song really was "right." I was having trouble with songs that specifically said something like, "I'm in heaven" or "I'll see you again one day." Even "It Is Well" was hard. I certainly didn't think that I would do "Amazing Grace" (Chris Tomlin version)...."My chains are gone...I've been set free...My God, My Savior has ransomed me..." How could I possibly sing that not knowing for sure? My husband said that "Amazing Grace" was his choice...then I emailed my Top 3 to the pastor...and HE said that it was his top choice too...later a friend sent me an e-card...which played that song. It was like the Lord was saying, "Please listen to me." I brought "It Is Well" with me just in case...which I ended up singing Sunday Morning at my mom's church.

At the viewing the pastor asked me if I would be OK to sing the next day. I said I would, but I really hoped that I wouldn't lose it. The last verse of Chris Tomlin's version wasn't "sitting well" with me so I changed it to another verse that John Newton wrote. It was originally the 5th verse which is not in any hymnal I own...and honestly God led me to it because I had never heard it before. It was the "perfect" verse. It seemed like it fit my dad so well...

"And when this flesh and heart shall fail
And mortal life shall cease
I shall possess within the veil
A life of joy and peace."

His heart just gave out on him. He lived for over 30 years (that I know of) with heart trouble....probably longer. He tried to take care of himself so that he could be healthier and live longer. And at almost 76, he lived years longer than any doctor thought he should have lived.

During the funeral, I still didn't know about my dad's salvation, but the more I talked to the pastor, the more at peace I was. When it was time for me to sing...Oh goodness...I don't think I have had more joy in the midst of "grief." I love the song, and I hated the fact that a song I loved so much would be what I remembered about my dad's funeral. I also had listened to the "normal" version so much...I was hoping that I would remember the last verse was different. But God was right there all along the way and He sang through me.

When I sat down...The pastor got up and unfolded everything that happened in the past few weeks before my dad died. How he went back 3 times to talk to my dad, knowing that he was getting through to him...but not satisfied to leave it at just "telling him." He wanted to know for sure too. The my husband and I started crying tears of joy knowing that we would see him again some day. Also knowing now one reason why he lived years longer than any doctor thought he should have.

After the service the pastor thanked me for singing...but I had to make sure that he knew that my singing was nothing compared to what he had done a few weeks earlier, and it was me who should be thanking him. I didn't really get a chance to talk to him in depth, but my husband did and I wish I could have been there to hear it. But maybe it's a good thing I wasn't...I may have bubbled over so much that my husband and the pastor couldn't have gotten a word in edgewise.

I know that not all stories end like this. And that many lose loved ones who don't know the Lord. And there is great grief in that...or in even in the uncertainty of not knowing for sure. Which is why I also thought of "It Is Well With My Soul"...not because I was OK with someone dying without the Lord, but that it is God's plan that it happened...we may never know why...but God is good and righteous and just. Because it is God's plan, I can say "When sorrows like sea billows roll...It is well with my soul."

Well...here is one last thing from the funeral. My mom wanted to get a video of the funeral so she could have it. This is a small clip from it...

(The sound is really low at the beginning...It does get louder, but you may want to turn it up anyway. Don't forget to stop the playlist to the right.)

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Comments

Feb. 25, 2008 - Your Dad

Posted by Shannon

My Dad passed in 2003 and I had a lot of the same feelings you did. We have a lot in common as my Dad passed the same way. Just an outsider observation...when he called you that day to ask if you would be there with him...sounds like it may have been his way of letting you know he would be there to greet you. I hope and pray things get more peaceful for you...it is so hard for a daughter to loose her Dad. I know I miss mine everyday. God bless and know today somebody is thinking about you and praying for you and your family :D
In his blessed name....

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Feb. 25, 2008 - <em>Untitled Comment</em>

Posted by deauna

You're incredible, my friend... I can tell by your song that you were at peace with God and your Dad's passing. Your family is precious to us, and we love all of you so much. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, your story, your song... I'll always think of you when I hear it on the radio.

Edited by gidget on Feb. 26, 2008 at 8:02 AM

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Mar. 3, 2008 - Your Dad

Posted by Roxanne

Thank you for sharing, God has moved through your Dad and you. May this blessing go on and on forever, until you are with him again.
My parents were not Christians, so I feel as you did until you knew for sure, only I still know that because they never professed to be God's Children nor did they receive His gift of ever lasting life. Love you

Edited by gidget on Mar. 4, 2008 at 7:08 AM

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Mar. 12, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by amtell

Thank you for your expression of sympathy on the death of my grandma. I'm so sorry to hear about your father. I wanted to write you sooner, but I was just so tired for a while there. I'm not sure if it was from grief or from all the traveling and sleepless nights spent at Grandma's bedside.

I hope your family is doing well and that you are finding peace and comfort in the Lord during your time of grieving.

Melissa

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Mar. 24, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Dana at School For Us

I'm so sorry for the loss of your father, but am grateful that his pastor was able to assure you that he was a believer and you will one day see him again. I have so many family members that are not Christians, and I pray that they will come to believe in Jesus Christ. May God continue to give you peace and joy, even during these hard times.
Dana

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Welcome to my blog...Why "gidget"? Well...my husband tried to teach me how to surf before we were married. I was lousy at it, but he called me his "gidget" and the name stuck. Why "Treasure Trove"? I love sharing about my sweet little "treasures"...and God has blessed me beyond measure....and no, I didn't mean that to rhyme.