Chasing the Heart of my Daughter - Mar. 27, 2006
This
morning I spent some time praying for my almost 15 yod. Lately, she
has been rather difficult to get along with. Very moody, easily
irritated, hard-hearted. She seems to be closed to the Lord as if she
is trying to shut down her spiritual life. My husband and I have been
feeling like we are trying to pound down a brick wall with our bare
hands. To be honest, I am weary of ending up in a bruised and bloody
mess at the base of that wall.
This morning I just began to pray that God would show me how to reach
her heart. What to do. What to say. He began to give me his eyes for
this daughter. I think she is starting to struggle with the questions
that chase most women. :::shameless borrowing from Captivating by John
and Staci Eldredge ahead:::: I think she is asking, "Am I beautiful?"
"Am I worthy?" "Will you love me no matter what"
I am afraid that the enemy has planted a seed that she is unlovable and
as she is struggling with that I believe she is actually becoming
difficult to love, almost subconsciously she is testing us to see if we
really love her, if we really think she is worthy and beautiful.
I know this because it is the same fight I have had over the years. In
my youth, I did not believe there was any value in me so I became a
person of no value . . . giving myself away to anyone. In my marriage,
I have fallen prey to the enemies lies and have believed that I was not
worth fighting for. I believed that I was just a person who would be
abandoned. It was almost as if I were acting in a way that would make
it easy for my husband to fulfill that negative prophecy. There were
times that I could almost hear myself screaming in my head, "Will you
fight for me? Will you love me no matter what, no matter how ugly I
can be?"
Immature? Yeah. I was stuck in a childhood pattern.
Praise God for His infinite love, grace and mercy. Praise God for a
husband who does love me enough to fight for me, to work at tearing
down the brick wall I had put around my heart, who sees my beauty,
inside and out.
God revealed to me this morning that my daughter is struggling with
those questions. Our answer has to be to love her, to love her enough
to wipe out the fear of not being enough, of not being beautiful, of
not being worthy.
It is difficult not to react in the flesh. My flesh wants to buckle
down, get more strict, nip it in the bud. God's heart says run toward
her . . . though I want to turn away from this ugly behavior, I
cannot. I have to run toward her and chase her with love and prayer.
It is His kindness that leads to repentance. I pray for God's
lovingkindness to be so full in my life that it would overflow and pour
all over her.
It is about patience . . . which I believe is much more accurately
translated in the KJV . . . longsuffering. Suffer long. Our God is
patient, he is longsuffering, He is willing to suffer long for our
sakes. Am I willing to suffer long for the sake of my children? Oh,
my flesh screams "NO!" I want this to be easy. I don't want to deal
with this behavior. I don't want to suffer little, much less long.
But God's heart suffers long and I desire to have the heart of my
father.
Teach me, Lord. Show me how. I cannot do this without you. You are
my strength and your grace is sufficient. It is your perfect love that
drives away fear and I pray that your love will be strong in me, strong
and evident, full and overflowing.
Thank you Lord for your guidance. You are a real God. Blessing and honor and glory be to your name, forever and ever.
Cynthia
Comments
Mar. 27, 2006 - daughter
Posted by Jimmie
So glad that Father gave you some insights into your daughter's struggle. Praying for you both.
Mar. 27, 2006 - Same here
Posted by ClagettsFLStyle
I have 2 beautiful Daughters of Eve. My oldest is 14. Since about 12 I have seen little pieces of the happy, loving , always smiling little girl - disapear. I too must fall facedown before my Lord and ask for the wisdom only HE can give.
Thank you so much for your post. Yesterday was a good family day and yet I felt like my dd would have prefered to be somewhere else.
I really need to pray about some kind of bible study or book that we can read together, to draw us close. We have been walking in the morning togther but it's so hard to get her to open up.
I will be praying for you also in this.
In Christ,
Mikki
Mar. 27, 2006 - Daughters
Posted by Steppinheavnward
Thank you for your post! Being on the other side of 15, it is easy for us older girls to look back and SEE the issues our dear girls are facing. The hard part is helping them to understand that we do know how they feel. God bless you and your daughter as you continue in His grace.
