Hello Again, Hello - Feb. 14, 2006
It has been a long time, too long, since I sat down and composed my thoughts for myself or for the blog. During the gray days, when I probably needed it most, I gave up my writing. I didnt nurture it, didnt pursue it, didnt acknowledge it. Writing is as a life spring to me. Without it, an arid and barren land barely exists within me.
Emerging from the gray place is like waking up from a deep, heavy sleep. The eyes struggle open then close again, repeating several times. A slow realization dawns that the window ushers in light. It is not morning but late in the day and the roar of wasted minutes, days, weeks and months jolts me to my feet. I am frantic to get on with my life but the oppressive fog of sleep still disables me. It takes so long to shake the weariness from my bones but eventually I am moving fluid again. The routine of life settles around me and moves me along a comfortable rut. I eagerly follow the trail because it is a relief to be stepping forward. These are the necessary things of life, the duties of who I am.
Eventually full consciousness comes upon me and I can see clearly that I have left things behind, before the gray time, that are vital elements of my identity. Weak reasoning had put them on the shelf. Noble-sounding excuses packed away the skills, the art, the desire. After my awakening, I keenly feel the loss and struggle to find the missing pieces.
There are many but all seem to hinge on one thing. Writing. I had devalued my writing into non-existence. Playing the part of a false martyr, the writer suffered and died for no good cause. There is a time to die, to die to oneself. This was not that time.
Nothing was accomplished by a season of not writing. A more joyful wife doesnt greet my husband. My children are not embraced by a more loving mother. I am not a more caring daughter or sister. A more faithful friend doesnt serve my friends. I am not a truer Christian or a better person because I sacrificed my writing. The fact is that God speaks to me through the process of writing. It is in that process that He pierces my heart with his truth. Yet I gave it all up freely, with loose hands because I thought it was a sacrifice unto Him. The enemy has deceived me.
I am glad to be back at the work that God has given me. My deepest desire is to please Him and I just like Eric Liddell felt that God smiled when he ran, I believe that God smiles when I write.
Cynthia
Comments
Feb. 14, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by FarmGirlShelley
I am so glad that you are writing again, and I am going to pray for you faithfully. Remember, we are strong when we are in His presence, and He raises us up to more than we can be. Without Him I don't even want to imagine where I may be. May God bless you richly and comfort you always.
"I waited for you today
But you didn't show
I needed you today
So where did you go
You told me to call
said you'd be there
and though I haven't seen you are you still there?
I cry out with no reply
And I can't feel you by my side
but I'll hold tight to what I know
YOU'RE HERE
and I'm NEVER ALONE"
by Barlow Girl
Feb. 14, 2006 - Truly one!
Posted by kimbercaldwell
I just posted on my blog and jogged over to see if there was anything new... Am I surprised??
Feb. 24, 2006 - A Great Quote
Posted by MegPotter
My favorite quote when I was freelancing went something like this.
Writing is like breathing. I can stop breathing for awhile, and I can stop writing for awhile, but neither for very long.
And BTW, I did the exact same thing - ran from the very thing that God gave me to help me - writing.
