Hello again!  I've been "gone" for a while, but I'm back now and this one will be nice and long.  So grab your tea, coffee, water, chocolate milk or whatever and have a seat!

     I apologize for my long absence.  Several factors have contributed to this.  First, it's been a very busy summer!  We had a full summer of great activities and we just started back to school 3 weeks ago.  I'm wanting to get a head start on school in case I need to take some time off when the baby comes.  As I wrote to one reader who inquired about my lack of blogging lately, "In addition to teaching full-time, I am also running a restaurant, a cleaning service, and a laundromat, nurturing a baby, and trying to keep up with the Olympics!  (I always find them so inspiring as I run my own race for a crown that will not fade or tarnish.)  As a result, my blog writing has suffered and faltered.  I haven't had time to think of anything worthwhile to say!" 

     But there's a second factor that's even more significant.  Several months ago, my heart was burning to express some thoughts I've been having lately.  Instead of writing, I squelched it.  I didn't want this blog to become controversial.  I have always desired it to be encouraging and uplifting.  However, since suppressing what I really wanted to write about, I haven't been inspired to write about anything else either.  I've come to realize that God wants me to share what's on my heart and He's not going to let me move on until I do the next thing in front of me. 

     I have been greatly encouraged by a song that is currently on the radio.  It's "You've Got Something to Say" by Matthew West.  Ironically, or rather, in God's providence, he wrote this song then lost his voice for 2 months and was unable to sing or even say anything.  He communicated to his family with a grease board.  Here are the lyrics:

Wake up, 7:32 AM
Can’t believe it’s time to do it over again
Yesterday, it took all that you had
And you’re wondering if you’ll ever get it back
But the whole wide world is waiting for
Waiting for you to step out that door
Come on, and let your life be heard today

You’ve got something to say
If you’re living, if you’re breathing
You’ve got something to say
You know if you’re heart is beating
You’ve got something to say
And no one can say it like you do
God is love and love speaks through
You got it, you got it
You’ve got something to say

Listen up, I got a question here
Would anybody miss you if you disappeared?
Well your life is the song that you sing
And the whole wide world is listening
Well the answer to the question is
You were created, your life is a gift
And the lights are shining on you today

  You can listen to the song on Matthew West's My Space page here:   ( http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=18251674  )

     So, I've got something to say and it my desire that you hear God's love speak through me as I tackle a task that's very difficult for me:  to express how I really feel, knowing there are many out there who feel a different way just as strongly.  My goal is not to stir up division or point any fingers.  I've simply come to a place where I can no longer remain silent.  I feel like I have to say it or blow up inside.  God has told us there is a time for everything; a time to be silent and a time to speak.  I believe this is my time to speak.

     I have always believed that a person's life begins when God breathes spirit into flesh and I believe this takes place at conception.  In some people's view, life doesn't begin until that life is viable apart from the mother's.  As medical technology and knowledge increase, that point is getting pushed further and further back.  Today, many premature infants survive and thrive who would have not been able to live had they been born 50, 20, or even 10 years ago.  Is it really possible that our humanity can be determined by the current state of technology?  What about places in the world where they don't have access to such technology?  Do their children become human later than ours here in the U.S?  This way of thinking of human life in terms of viability clearly makes no sense. 

     I believe that abortion is on a collision course with reality.  In 1973, when abortion became legal, ultrasounds were rare.  Now, a woman can see with her own eyes a tiny heart beating almost as soon as she knows she's pregnant.  The heart begins to beat at 5 weeks.  The first 2 weeks of pregnancy are counted from the last period to ovulation when conception has not even occurred yet.  The second 2 weeks of pregnancy are counted as the time from ovulation to when the next period is expected.  So when a woman misses her period and takes a test, she's already considered 4 weeks pregnant.  The heart begins to beat the very next week.  When you see your baby on the ultrasound and hear the heartbeat, it's very hard to deny the child's humanness.

     As I said, I've always believed these things intellectually, but since Timothy came into my life, my intellect is now ignited with a passionate fire in my heart that I can not subdue.  My little boy died at 14 weeks gestation.  His body was unexpectedly born at home.  I held his tiny, perfect frame.  I saw 10 miniature fingers and 10 miniature toes.  I could make out his ribs.  His ears were beginning to form.  I saw his tiny eyes behind fused eyelids.  Immediately, I could tell he was a boy.  No one will ever be able to convince me that he was only a blob of tissue.  I know beyond any shadow of any doubt that though he was small and young, he was fully human in every way.

     Medical staff repeatedly referred to my son's body as the "Products of Conception."  They were not allowed or afraid to use the words "baby", "child", "son"--the very words my heart ached to hear.   I was not allowed to have a death certificate or a funeral because he was less than 20 weeks old.  The hospital scattered his ashes in their memorial garden and made it clear I was not invited to the service.  I was also told it would not be an overtly Christian service because people of many faiths had children die at that hospital.  Even among fellow Christian friends who are pro-life and believe life begins at conception, I have been treated more like someone who had minor injury than a mother whose son has died.  All this because my son was 6 weeks short of the arbitrary 20-week marker when the medical community considers him human.  There is nothing magical or significant about becoming 20 weeks old, but because "that woman over there" has to have her right to choose, I have been denied my right to grieve. 

     Our culture today does not recognize the humanity of young, unborn babies.  The closer the baby is to term, the more likely it is that others will consider him/her fully human (for example,  the case of a 9-month pregnant mother being murdered and her attacker being charged with 2 counts of murder)  The younger the child, the less s/he is considered human by our culture today (as evidenced by well-meaning but wrong people who tried to console me that at least I wasn't further along when he died).  The refusal to acknowledge the littlest lives and the practice of abortion are inexorably entwined.  We failed to value early human life and so we allowed the practice of legal abortion.   Even though we ought to know better by now, our culture still refuses to accept the humanity of our youngest members so that we can continue to allow the option of abortion when someone isn't happy with the consequences of her actions.  The lie has become entrenched and now it's harder to face the truth because we've become comfortable living with the lie.  All human life should be protected and nurtured no matter how small, how young (or old), or how frail.  That is the truth.  Let's shed the lie.

     I don't share all this with you to "vent" or to seek pity.  In fact, it's very difficult to share this, and I don't really want to.    I share it because I believe Timothy's story needs to be told.  People need to know the truth.  I believe in God and I know He makes no mistakes.  I don't believe my little boy's life was all in vain.  If his short life can convince even one person of the humanity of our youngest children, then all I've suffered is worth it.  Perhaps Timothy can teach us from beyond the grave that "A person's a person, no matter how small."

      Our country was founded on the belief that "All men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."  Over time, people's understanding of this declaration has been stretched to include African-Americans and women.  The time has come to extend the invitation to our unborn children and guarantee their right to life and liberty as well.

     I have more to share with you on this topic, but this post is already long enough.  If you are interested, you can check back for two more posts on this topic: one on true women's rights and one tying this in with the current election.  Thanks for listening and thinking about what I've shared.  These aren't easy things for me to share, but I've come to the point where keeping it to myself is no longer an option.